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    Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
    Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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    Corriger une lettre
    Message de patachon91 posté le 25-03-2007 à 15:47:05 (S | E | F | I)

    Bonjour,
    Je souhaiterais faire corriger une lettre ci-après. Je voudrais savoir aussi comment dire bonjour dans une lettre.
    Merci

    [BONJOUR]

    Initially, I thank you a lot to hosting me in your family. I hope we will spend good time together and that my trip will become on of the best I ever done.

    I am the last child in my family. I have got two sisters. The elder is 22 and study in a hight business school and she leave her last year of studies in Sweden. Nevertheless, she must pass her examination in her French school. My other sister is 18 and is in the second years of medicine studies. She succeeded the first year who is really difficult and she was the last accepted in her promotion. My father is data processing specialist in office of publicity of the first television channel in France. My mother work in a hospital medical laboratory.

    I live in an small town with 4.000 inhabitants. There are only one bakery, one bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasia. There is also a park around the river of the geographic area who is named the Orge. I live in the street "rue des senillières" but nobody know what is a "senillière" ! I take the bus everyday to go to school. I am in a "lycée", it is the fourth French scholar cycle. This school was built a long time ago but was destruct and built an other time 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very well. There are less than 500 pupils in this "lycée" so it's a small one. I have many friends and my professors are really sympathetic and qualified. We can always discuss to them and it is very important if someone have a problem.

    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Yet, I like discover new habits, new people, new way of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is the learning of English. I began five years ago but the school language is not really the current English. It will be my third trip in a English speaking countries : I have been to United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms.

    I have got a big motivation to contribute at the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial !) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things who are not difficult but that is pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you can do, even if I have not the same ideology as you.



    J'ai supprimé par mégarde un précédent sujet...
    Merci encore ^^



    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de patachon91, postée le 25-03-2007 à 17:10:17 (S | E)
    Re-Bonjour,

    Ce sujet semble être passé inaperçu comme toutes les demandes de correction... Je pensais que ce forum avait cette vocation. J'ai fait un tour sur le forum français et si 'il y avait des demandes de correction, j'y aurais consacré 10min de mon temps ; car cette lettre ne demande pas plus.

    De plus, mon but n'est pas pédagogique mais pratique, c'est pourquoi je ne comprends pas ce temps de réponse, vu le nombre de connectés.... A moins que je sois vraiment impatient... Cependant, certaines sujets sont là depuis plus de 72h o_0

    Merci d'avance.

    -------------------
    Modifié par vero7000 le 25-03-2007 17:36


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de frapedur, postée le 25-03-2007 à 17:17:57 (S | E)
    Bonjour patachon,

    J'aimerais corriger votre lettre mais je n'en ai pas le niveau (je suis en 3ème^), peut-être beaucoup de personnes sont dans ce cas là.

    Seuls une petite dizaine de membres ont un niveau bilingue et sont sûrs de ne pas faire de fautes lorsqu'ils vous corrigeront.

    Personne ici ne voudrait vous induire en erreur et c'est donc pour cela que personne ne peut corriger votre lettre.

    de votre compréhension, de toute façon, dès que quelqu'un sera libre, il corrigera votre lettre.

    Patientez un petit peu

    -------------------
    Modifié par vero7000 le 25-03-2007 17:37


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de patachon91, postée le 25-03-2007 à 17:23:32 (S | E)
    Merci. Je vous demande de m'excuser, je suis sûrement trop impatient...


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de maska-giiirl, postée le 25-03-2007 à 17:48:36 (S | E)
    Bah déjà "bonjour" pour une lettre formelle tu peux dire :
    - dear sir(s)
    - dear Mrs X ...

    Pour une lettre informelle:

    - Dear X
    - My dear X
    - Dear all
    - My dearest X
    - My darling X

    etc ...

    et tu peux continuer par dire: " I cannot begin to describe how thankful I am for your hospitality.... " mais ce que tu as écrit, c'est bien aussi.


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de maska-giiirl, postée le 25-03-2007 à 17:54:03 (S | E)
    ça ne se dit pas "become on of the best I ever done."
    c'est plutôt : one of the best i have never done it before .
    Je pense!


    and she leaveS !

    she must passes ...




    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de patachon91, postée le 25-03-2007 à 18:21:05 (S | E)
    @****pour votre sécurité, les adresses emails sont interdites sur le site, merci de communiquer par messages privés****
    => va pour "dear family"
    @iry43 => c'est inhabitants, je suis sûr.

    Cela nous donne :

    Dear family,
    In first I thank you a lot to host me in your family. I hope we will spend good time together and that my trip will become one of the best I had ever done.

    I am the last child in my family. I have got two sisters. The elder is 22 years old and studies in a high business school and she undertakes her last year of study in Sweden. Nevertheless, she must pass her exam to French school. My other sister is 18 years old and is in the second year of medicine study. She has succeeded the first year who is really difficult and she was the last accepted in her promotion. My father is data processing specialist in office of publicity of the first television channel in France. My mother work in a hospital medical laboratory.

    I live in an small town with 4.000 inhabitants. There are only one bakery, one bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasia. There is also a park around the river of the geographic area which is named the Orge. I live in the street "rue des senillières" but nobody know what is a "senillière" ! I take the bus every day to go to school. I am in a "lycée", it is the fourth scholar French cycle. This school was built a long time ago but was destruct and built again 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very well. There are less than 500 pupils in this "lycée" so it's a small one. I have many friends and my professors are really friendly and qualified. We can always discuss with them and it is very important if someone have a problem.

    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Yet, I like discover new habits, new people, new way of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is the learning of English. I began five years ago but the school language is not really the current English. It will be my third trip in a English speaking countries : I have been to United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms.

    I have got a big motivation to contribute at the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial !) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things which are not difficult but that is pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you can do, even if I have not the same ideology as you.




    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de iry43, postée le 25-03-2007 à 18:29:24 (S | E)
    Bonjour patachon91,
    Tu as raison, j'ai vérifié, on en apprend tous les jours
    comment tu as-tu trouvé ma correction, j'ai eu des problèmes de post?
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 28-03-2007 21:04


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de marlond, postée le 25-03-2007 à 18:36:10 (S | E)
    J'ai lu votre lettre, et j'ai remarqué plusieurs occasions où vous avez mal conjugué les verbes à la troisième personne du singulier. Notez (ex.):
    I work, you work, he/she/it workS, we work, you work, they work.
    D'ailleurs, notez la différence entre 'who(m)' et 'which' - 'who(m)' n'est que pour une personne', ex:
    The person whom I saw
    The man, who was walking down the street, fell over.
    The car, which was going down the road, knocked over a pedestrian who was walking his dog.

    [BONJOUR]
    -"Dear X,"

    Initially, I thank you a lot to hosting me in your family. I hope we will spend good time together and that my trip will become on of the best I ever done.

    -C'est plus le sens de 'firstly,' au lieu de 'initially'.
    -'I thank you FOR...' - I'd rephrase this to 'Firstly, I must thank you very much for you family's hospitality'.
    -'good timeS'
    -c'est 'to have a trip' et pas 'to do a trip' et je dirais 'be' au lieu de 'become'.

    I am the last child in my family. I have got two sisters. The elder is 22 and study in a hight business school and she leave her last year of studies in Sweden.

    -'last' - tu veux dire 'youngest'
    -'elder' - tu veux dire 'eldest'
    -'study' et leave sont mal conjugués.
    -'hight' n'est pas un mot - je l'omettrais.

    Nevertheless, she must pass her examination in her French school. My other sister is 18 and is in the second years of medicine studies. She succeeded the first year who is really difficult and she was the last accepted in her promotion.

    -'second year' au lieu de 'second years'
    -'succeeded the first year' - tu as traduit le verbe 'réussir' par 'to succeed', et normalement, c'est correct, mais quand on parle d'un examen ou une année scolaire/universitaire, on utiliser 'to pass', donc 'she passed the first year'
    -'who' se refère seulement à une personne! - on ne dit pas 'the first year WHO is..'

    My father is data processing specialist in office of publicity of the first television channel in France. My mother work in a hospital medical laboratory.
    -'office of publicity' - on dit 'marketing office' ou 'publicity office' - et il faut un 'the' devant ces mots.
    -'first television channel in France' - c'est un peu ambigu - cela veut dire que c'était la première chaîne en France, et je crois que tu veux dire que c'est la chaîne la plus importante, non?, donc :'the main TV channel in France'.
    -'work' est mal conjugué.


    I live in an small town with 4.000 inhabitants. There are only one bakery, one bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasia. There is also a park around the river of the geographic area who is named the Orge.

    -'4.000' - en anglais, on utilise une virgule (,) dans un grand nombre, où le français met un point (.) ex. 4,000 (quatre mille), mais on utilise un point où le français choisit la virgule, ex. 4.25 (quatre virgule vingt-cinq)
    -'There IS...' au lieu de 'there are', et je dirais 'a' au lieu de 'one' pour 'a bakery, a bookshop... etc), à moins que vous n'insistiez sur le fait qu'il n'y en a qu'un.
    -c'est 'gymnasium' au singulier, 'gymnasia' est le pluriel.
    -la dernière phrase est un peu bizarre - je ne comprends pas exactement ce que tu veux dire - 'il y a un parc près du fleuve 'Le Orge' ' suffirait-il?
    -vous avez utilisé 'who' pour un fleuve... on n'utilise le 'who' que pour une personne (et peut-être un animal de compagnie)
    -'called' est plus naturel que 'named' - celui-ci qui est un peu soutenu.

    -------------------
    Modifié par willy le 28-03-2007 21:44


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de marlond, postée le 25-03-2007 à 18:55:59 (S | E)
    I'm going to correct the rest in English as it'll be easier for me and good practice for you to read...
    Maybe instead of 'dear family, it'd be better if you put their names, so 'Dear Mr and Mrs Smith' or whatever their surname is.


    I live in the street "rue des senillières" but nobody knows what is a "senillière" ! I take the bus every day to go to school. I am in a "lycée", it is the fourth scholar French cycle.
    -Note the English word order - verbs can come at the end of a sentence: 'but nobody knows what a 'senillière' is! - and there is no space between the final word and the exclamation mark.
    -replace 'scholar' with 'school' - a scholar is someone who has done very well in some exams, usually, and has attained a scholarship - like a prize for academic success.

    This school was built a long time ago but was destruct and built again 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very well. There are less than 500 pupils in this "lycée" so it's a small one.
    -'destruct(ed') isn't the right word - use 'knocked down' (needs to be the past participle (-ed) to form the passive.
    -'to build again' = 'to rebuild'.
    -you can't describe a school as 'well' - you mean 'good' - or 'I like it very much'.


    I have many friends and my professors are really friendly and qualified. We can always discuss with them and it is very important if someone have a problem.
    -a 'professor' is someone who teaches at a university - at a 'lycée', they're called 'teachers'.
    -'discuss' is a transitive verb really, and needs an object, so 'we can always discuss things with them'
    -'it is very important' - 'it' refers back to being able to discuss things with the teachers, but you need to use 'this' here, instead of 'it' to make it clear, so: 'and this is very important'
    -'have' is the wrong conjugation - 'someone' is third person singular - 'I have, you have, he/she/it has, we have, you have, they have' - choose the right one...


    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Yet, I like discover new habits, new people, new way of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is the learning of English.
    -'yet' means 'mais' and indicates an opposition, whereas you mean 'd'ailleurs' or something like that, indicating a reason or expansion of the previous statement, so use 'furthermore' or 'also' ('I also like...).
    -'to live TO do something'
    -'new wayS of life'
    -'my main reason for coming to TO LEARN English.

    I began five years ago but the school language is not really the current English. It will be my third trip in a English speaking countries : I have been to United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms.
    -miss out 'the' before 'current English'
    -'... my third trip in a English speaking countries' - there are three basic errors in this sentence - spot them yourself and correct them.
    -'I have been to THE United Kingdom.
    -'...can bring me useful linguistic automatisms' - this is very very strangely worded! - it's technically correct, but I'd say something like 'I hope that this trip can help me learn to speak English more naturally.'

    I have got a big motivation to contribute at the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial !) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things which are not difficult but that is pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you can do, even if I have not the same ideology as you.
    -'to contribute TO something'
    -no space between 'antisocial' and the exclamation mark.
    -'I will respect you and all you do...' - leave out the 'can' here.
    -'ideology' is a slightly strange word to use here - 'way of doing things' might be better, so :'even if we have slightly different ways of doing things.'


    -------------------
    Modifié par willy le 28-03-2007 21:49


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de patachon91, postée le 25-03-2007 à 20:06:28 (S | E)
    Merci à vous tous.

    Voici ce que je pense être l'avant-dernière version :


    Dear family,
    Firstly, I must thank you very much for you family's hospitality. I hope we will spend good times together and that my trip will become one of the best I had ever done.

    I am the youngest child in my family. I have got two sisters. The eldest is 22 years old and studies in a high business school and she undertakes her last year of study in Sweden. Nevertheless, she must pass her exam to French school. My other sister is 18 years old and is in the second year of medicine study. She has succeeded the first year who is really difficult and she was the last accepted in her promotion. My father is data processing specialist in the publicity office of the first television channel in France. My mother works in a hospital medical laboratory.

    I live in an small town with 4.000 inhabitants. There is only a bakery, a bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasium. There is also a park around the which is called the Orge. I live in the street "rue des senillières but nobdy knows what as 'senillière' is! I take the bus every day to go to school. I am in a "lycée", it is the fourth scholar French cycle. This school was built a long time ago but was knocked down and rebuilt 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very good. There are less than 500 pupils in this "lycée" so it's a small one. I have many friends and my teachers are really friendly and qualified. We can always discuss things with them and it is very important if someone has a problem.

    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Whereas, I like discover new habits, new people, new ways of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is to learn English. I began five years ago but the school language is not really current English. It will be my third trip in an English speaker country : I have been to the United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms and help me learn to speak English more naturally.

    I have got a big motivation to contribute to the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial!) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things which are not difficult but that is pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you do even if we have slightly different ways of doing things.




    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de marlond, postée le 25-03-2007 à 21:13:29 (S | E)
    I've corrected a few more bits/bits you've left out - ask if you want explanations.


    Dear family,
    Firstly, I must thank you very much for you family's hospitality. I hope we will spend good times together and that my trip will become one of the best I hadHAVE ever done HAD.

    I am the youngest child in my family. I have got two sisters. The eldest is 22 years old and studies in a high business school and she undertakes IS CURRENTLY UNDERTAKING her last year of study in Sweden. Nevertheless, she must pass her exam toIN HER French school. My other sister is 18 years old and is in the second year of medicine study. She has succeededPASSED the first year whoWHICH is really difficult and she was the last accepted in herFOR promotion. My father is A data processing specialist in the publicity office of the firstMAIN television channel in France. My mother works in a hospital medical laboratory.

    I live in an small town with 4.0004,000 inhabitants. There is only a bakery, a bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasium. There is also a park NEAR THE RIVER which is called the Orge. I live in the street "Rue des Senillières but nobOdy knows what asA 'senillière' is! I take the bus every day to go to school. I am in a "lycée", it is the fourth scholar French cycle OF FRENCH SCHOOLING. This school was built a long time ago but was knocked down and rebuilt 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very goodI LIKE IT VERY MUCH. There are less FEWER than 500 pupils in this "lycée" so it's a small one. I have many friends and my teachers are really friendly and WELL qualified. We can always discuss things with them and it THIS is very important if someone has a problem.

    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Whereas, I like discover new habits, new people, new ways of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is to learn English. I began five years ago but the school languageLANGUAGE TAUGHT AT SCHOOL is not really current English. It will be my third trip inTO an English speakerING country : I have been to the United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms and WILL help me learn to speak English more naturally.

    I have got a big motivation to contribute to the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial!) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things which are not difficult but that is ARE pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you do even if we have slightly different ways of doing things.


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de patachon91, postée le 28-03-2007 à 20:58:30 (S | E)
    Merci. J'ai pris tout cela en compte.


    Réponse: Corriger une lettre de sissy0107, postée le 04-04-2007 à 15:31:25 (S | E)
    je suis presque bilingue je vais voir ce que je peux faire.
    Pour dire bonjour tu peux dire Hi! ou Hello! tu peux aussi commencer par dear... mais dans ton cas (si j'ai compris tu pars dans une famille canadienne) à moins de t'adresser a un membre de la famille en particulier tu ne peux l'utiliser.

    I thank you a lot to HOST me (pas d'ing). I hope we will spend A good time and that my trip will become onE of the best i WILL HAVE ever done.
    I am the last child in my family. I have got two sisters. The elder is 22 and study in a HIGH business school and SHE IS IN SWEDEN TO PERFORM HER LAST STUDIES YEAR.(Ta phrase etait du mot a mot ils ne pourraient pas comprendre). Nevertheless, she must TAKE (pass veut dire reussir et non passer) her examination in her french school.My other sister is 18 and is in her second year of medecine studies.She succeeded her first year which is really difficult, she was the last accepted of her promotion.My father is data processing specialist in office of publicity of the first television channel in France. My mother workS in a hospital medical laboratory.I live in a small town with 4.000 inhabitants.There are only one bakery, one bookshop, a camp-site and a gymnasia. There is also a park around the river of the geographic area which name is the Orge.I live in the street "rue des senillières" but nobody know what is a "senillière" ! I take the bus everyday to go to school. I am in a HIGH SCHOOL, it is the fourth French scholar cycle. This school was built a long time ago but was destructed and built an other time 2 years ago so I learn in a new school and I find that very well. There are less than 500 pupils in this HIGH SCHOOL so it's a small one. I have many friends and my professors are really sympathetic and qualified. We can always discuss with them and it is very important if someone haS a problem.
    I would like to go to Canada because I think it is a great country. Yet, I like discovering new habits, new people, new way of life and new social aspects. My main reason for coming is TO LEARN ENGLISH. I began five years ago but the school language is not really the current English. It will be my third trip in an English speaking country : I have been to United Kingdom and Ireland. I think this trip can bring me useful linguistic automatisms.
    I have got a big motivation to contribute at the family life. I will talk with you, of course, (I am not an antisocial !) but I can also help you to set the table, for example, or some things who are not difficult but that is pleasant to not have to do. I will respect you and all you can do, even if I have not the same ideology as you.

    N'oublie pas de mettre une formule de politesse par exemple "I'm looking forward to meet you" :J'ai hate de vous rencontrer.
    J'espere t'avoir ete utile et bonne chance au Canada




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