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    Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
    Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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    Sujets de rédaction...
    Message de lamusica posté le 11-04-2007 à 15:11:54 (S | E | F | I)

    Bonjour,

    J'ai une interrogation d'anglais demain et pour m'y préparer, j'ai essayé de penser à quelques sujets que la prof pourrait nous donner en devoir sachant qu'on a étudié la télévision.

    Imagine your life without television.
    I read normally one book per week. If I have no television, I will be able to read more time at night. Catherine Clément's books wouldn't have any more any secrecy for me. I also could listen music or the radio in the morning and I could play the flute every evening.
    Sunday, I could play at board games with my family. Instead of watching TV I could chat, in the dinner, with my sister and my brother so it developed our communication too. We could cooking and prepare the meal. I will have more time to be with my friends and to do activities like ice skating:my passion but also cycling, running and swimming.
    I could thus say that I do many activities even I don't have television and so I don't regard me as a couch potato...

    What sort of TV viewer are you ? Would you personally live without TV ?
    The Television takes more and more place in people’s life. In 1950, almost nobody had television. Nowadays, everyone has one even several televisions.
    I watch personally one hour or less every day because in the evening I have to do my homework, to eat and to wash me so I have no many time to watch TV. I never watch TV during the meal because I speak with my family : they ask me what I have done in school; but we sometimes watch the news during the dinner when we didn’t finish eating. I always look at the tele-programm before lighting the TV. It sometimes happens to me to look films like thrillers[films policiers] or comedies with my familie. I don’t have a TV set in my bedroom, there’s a TV in living-room and in my parents’ room.
    Watching TV is all the same a interesting leisure as we can slacken by looking a film or a documentary.
    But in my opinion I could live without TV as I could practise many other activities like ice skating, swimming, play an instrument, running etc. I also could go to meetings so I could socialize me and it will developed my communication.
    I think that many persons are glued to the TV, they are maybe hypnotized by this thing so I won’t become as these persons who look couch potatoes… I believe that somebody can be addicted by a passion [sports, reading etc] but not by television.


    Pourriez-vous me corriger mes fautes... ? Je sais que je dois avoir fait pas mal de fautes de grammaire :$

    Merci d'avance !




    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de lamusica, postée le 11-04-2007 à 17:55:16 (S | E)
    Personne pour m'aider ?


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de nick27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 18:46:34 (S | E)
    Hello,

    Voici de l'aide
    Bon travail dans l'ensemble, quelques petites fautes de temps en temps, mais tu sauras y remédier



    I read normally ["normally" n'est pas à la bonne place] one book per week [ou "one book a week]. If I have no television, I will be able to read more time at night. [Je changerais cette phrase et je mettrais : "If I HAD no television, I could read more in the evening]

    Catherine Clément's books wouldn't have any more any secrecy for me. [would have no more secrets for me]
    I also could listen [ il manque un mot ici] music or [il manque un mot ici aussi] the radio in the morning and I could play the flute every evening.
    [on] Sunday[s] , I could play [at] board games with my family. Instead of watching TV I could chat [c'est mieux "talk"] , in the dinner [in the dining-room; à déplacer] , with my sister and my brother [place ici "in the dining-room] so it developed [mauvais temps] our communication [+skills] , too. We could cooking [mauvaise forme] and prepare the meal [ou "get the meal ready] .I will [mauvais temps; utilise "could" => I could spend ...] have [mieux : spend] more time to be with my friends and I could do activities like ice skating:my passion but also cycling, running and swimming. [Je mettrais : "and there would be a lot of things to do such as ice-skating ... le reste est bon]
    I could thus say that I do many activities [I do a lot of things] even [+if] I don't have television and so I don't regard me [myself] as a couch potato.

    What sort of TV viewer are you ? Would you personally live without TV ?
    The Television [pourquoi une majuscule?] takes [mauvais temps] more and more place in people’s life. In 1950, almost nobody had [+ a]television. Nowadays, everyone has one even several televisions. [Je changerais ça en "Nowadays, there is at least one television in each household]
    I watch personally [mal placé] [+ television] one hour or less [for more or less one hour] every day because in the evening I have to do my homework, to eat and to wash me [and to take a shower] so I have no many time to watch TV [so I don't have much time to watch TV] . I never watch TV during the meal [mieux : while eating] because I [+ prefer speaking] with my family : they [who? tu devrais mettre "my parents] [+ usually] ask me what I have done in [mauvaise préposition] school; but we sometimes watch the news during the dinner when [we didn’t finish eating. - je ne comprends pas ce que tu veux dire] I always [+have a look] at the tele-programm [TV-programme] before lighting the TV [On n'utilise pas ce verbe pour dire "allumer la TV].

    Je mets la suite ci-dessous car je n'ai plus de place ...


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de nick27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 18:50:48 (S | E)
    la suite ...

    It sometimes happens to me to look [mauvais verbe] films like thrillers [OK c'est juste][films policiers] or comedies with my familie [family]. I don’t have a TV set in my bedroom [mieux : I have no TV in my room/bedroom] , there’s a TV in [ il manque un mot] living-room and in my parents’ room.
    Watching TV is all the same a [pas "a" mais ... il y a une voyelle au mot souvant] interesting leisure [hobby] as we can slacken [mieux : relax] by looking [mauvais verbe] a film or a documentary.
    But in my opinion I could live without TV as I could practise many other activities like ice skating, swimming, play an instrument, running etc. I also [mal placé] could go to meetings so I could socialize me [mieux : become more sociable] and it will ["will" n'est pas bon ici - would est OK] developed [mauvaise forme] my communication [+skills]

    I think that many persons [le pluriel de "person" n'est pas "persons" !] are glued to the TV [mieux : I think that many ... (personnes au pluriel) have trouble tearing themselves away from the TV] , they are maybe [mal placé - en début de phrase] hypnotized by this thing so I won’t become as these persons [incorrect] who look [tu as oublié un mot] couch potatoes… I believe that somebody can be addicted by [mauvaise préposition] a passion [sports, reading etc] but not by [mauvaise préposition] television.

    Voilà, j'attends de voir ta correction


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de lamusica, postée le 11-04-2007 à 19:00:24 (S | E)
    Oh là là que d'erreurs de ma part
    Merci beaucoup pour vos réponses !
    Pour ce que vous n'avez pas compris, je voulais dire qu'on regarde les informations à table quand on n'a pas fini de manger...
    Voilà !
    Merci beaucoup !


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de nick27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 19:06:35 (S | E)
    De rien

    Donc on a

    "but we sometimes watch the news during the dinner when we didn’t finish eating."

    => on regarde les informations à table quand on a pas fini de manger...
    Je dirais
    => However, we sometimes watch the news when eating.

    Je n'ai pas compris parce que tu disais plus haut que vous ne regardiez jamais la TV en mangeant et là, tu dis justement que parfois vous la regardez.
    J'attends de voir ta correction pour y voir plus clair

    Good luck


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de lamusica, postée le 11-04-2007 à 19:10:19 (S | E)
    Voilà,j'ai à peu près tout modifié mis à part ce que je n'ai pas trouvé...
    Il y a des mots que j'ai laissé comme je les avais écrit parce-qu'ils sont sensés être employés car ils sont dans mon encadré à connaître [les expressions de la fin du 2ème texte]

    Imagine your life without television.
    I normally read one book per week. If I had no television, I could read more time at night. Catherine Clément's books would no more secrets for me. I also could listen music or the radio in the morning and I could play the flute every evening.
    On Sundays, I could play board games with my family. Instead of watching TV I could talk with my sister and my brother in the dining room so it will develop our communication too. We could cook and prepare the meal. I could spend more time my friends and to do activities such as ice skating: my passion but also cycling, running and swimming.
    I could thus say that I do a lot of things even if I don't have television and so I don't regard myself as a couch potato...



    What sort of TV viewer are you ? Would you personnaly live without TV ?
    The television takes more and more place in people’s life. In 1950, almost nobody had a television. Nowadays, everyone has one even several televisions.
    I personally watch television one hour or less every day because in the evening I have to do my homework, to eat and to take a shower so I don’t have much time to watch TV. I never watch TV while eating because I prefer speaking with my family : my parents ask me what I have done at school; but we sometimes watch the news during the dinner when we didn’t finish eating. I always have a look at the tele-programm before lighting the TV. It sometimes happens to me to watch films like thrillers or comedies with my family. I have no TV set in my bedroom, there’s a TV in living-room and in my parents’ room.
    Watching TV is all the same an interesting leisure as we can relax by watching a film or a documentary.
    But in my opinion I could live without TV as I could practise many other activities like ice skating, swimming, play an instrument, running etc. I could also go to meetings so I could socialize me and it would develop my communication.
    I think that many people are glued to the TV, they are maybe hypnotized by this thing so I won’t become as these people who look couch potatoes… I believe that somebody can be addicted by a passion [sports, reading etc] but not by television.

    Voilà... Euh ce que je n'ai pas trouvé c'est surtout les deux dernières prépositions. Sinon mille excuses pluriel de person : people !
    Et la dernière chose que je ne comprends pas c'est cette phrase :
    The television takes more and more place in people’s life.
    Je voulais dire que la télévision PREND de plus en plus de place dans la vie des gens, donc pourquoi takes serait faux ?

    Merci encore !






    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de nick27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 19:32:35 (S | E)
    Ok, J'ai peut-être déformé trop ton texte. Donc cette fois-ci, voici les choses qui, selon moi, ne vont pas point de vue grammaire :

    1/ Catherine Clément's books would have no more secrets for me. I also could listen x music or x the radio in the morning and I could play the flute every evening.
    => Tu avais oublié le verbe dans la 1ère phrase.
    => "also" n'est toujours pas à la bonne place !
    => les croix indiquent qu'il manque une préposition.


    2/ Nowadays, everyone has one even several televisions.
    => "even" devrait être remplacé par "or"

    3/ when we didn’t finish eating
    => Le temps est faux => utilise le "present perfect"

    4/ I could socialize me
    => Cette construction n'existe pas ! Déjà "me" devrait être "myself".
    Si tu veux absolument garder ce verbe, alors opte pour "I could socialize with new people" qui signifie que tu rencontres de nouvelles personnes et que tu passes du temps avec elles.




    5/ I won’t become as these people who look x couch potatoes
    => Il manque toujours une préposition, sans elle ta phrase ne veut rien dire.

    - Concernant les deux prépositions de la fin, on dit "To be addicted TO something"

    - Le temps n'est pas bon car, ici c'est une action qui est en cours. Si tu utilises le présent simple ça n'a pas le même sens.
    Que dis-tu de ceci : The television is taking more and more place in people's life.


    bye


    Réponse: Sujets de rédaction... de lamusica, postée le 11-04-2007 à 19:37:11 (S | E)
    ok, ok !
    Merci beaucoup en tout cas




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