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    Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
    Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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    Correction d'un texte en anglais
    Message de chtiteci67 posté le 30-04-2007 à 16:06:14 (S | E | F | I)

    Bonjour tout le monde.

    J'ai essayé de traduire mon exposé français en anglais mais je sais que j'ai beaucoup de fautes... Si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider et me corriger ça serait vraiment super sympa de sa part. Merci d'avance.


    Le texte en français :

    Sofia Boutella est née le 03 avril 1982.
    Elle est française, d'origine algérienne. Son père est Safy Boutella, compositeur et chorégraphe reconnu.
    C'est une danseuse de hip-hop, de breakdance, de freestyle et de pleins d'autres styles ... Elle est actuellement l'égérie féminine de Nike.
    Elle commence la danse à 5 ans, orienté classique, et à 10 ans la GRS ( gymnastique rythmique et sportive )quand elle vient en France. Sofia rentre finalement dans l'univers du hip-hop à l'âge de 16 ans. La consécration arrive lorsque Nike fait d'elle son égérie afin de changer l'image de la marque: plus féminine et plus hip-hop. C'est une étape importante dans la vie de la jeune danseuse; cette place lui offre une notoriété fulgurante et lui permettra de travailler avec le célèbre Jamie King. Elle travaille maintenant avec de nombreuses stars tel que Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna ou encore Mariah Carey ... Sofia est considérée comme la danseuse la plus réputé et la plus recherchée du monde.

    My translation in English :

    Sofia Boutella was born on the third of April 1982.
    She is French, of Algerian origin. Her father is Safy Boutella, a recognized composer and choreographer.
    It's a hip-hop, breakdance, freestyle and many other style, dancer ... She is actually the feminine muse of Nike.
    She begins dance at 5, classic oriented, and at 10 the GRS ( gymnastic eurhythmics and sporting ) when she arrives in France. Sofia get finally in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16. The accolade arrives when Nike made up of her his muse in the order to change the corporate image: more feminine and more hip-hop. It is a major step in the life of the young dancer; this place give her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King. She works now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna or even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered like the most reputed and the most requested dancer of the world.

    It would be nice if you could correct my mistakes !!It's very important !! Thank you in advance ...



    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de marlond, postée le 30-04-2007 à 16:34:42 (S | E)
    Hi,
    This is a good translation – but there are a few bits which could be tidied up and made to sound a bit more natural

    "Her father is Safy Boutella, a recognized composer and choreographer."
    - 'renowned' is better than 'recognised'


    "It's a hip-hop, breakdance, freestyle and many other style, dancer ... "
    - ‘It’ refers to an object and only an object - when you’re translating ‘c’est’, be sure to differentiate between ‘it’ and ‘he’ and ‘she’. Here, ‘she is a hip-hop…’

    "She is actually the feminine muse of Nike."
    - maybe’ she is the female face of Nike’ – sounds more natural

    Note that in French, you often use the present tense to talk about past events – we don’t really do this too much in English, so I’d make all of the verbs past tense from this point onwards (‘she began’, ‘she arrived’ etc.):

    "She begins dance at 5, classic oriented, and at 10 the GRS ( gymnastic eurhythmics and sporting ) when she arrives in France. Sofia get finally in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16. "
    - ‘classically orientated’
    - ‘sport and rhythmic gymnastics’ (SRG)’ is how I’d translate GRS
    - ‘Sofia made it big in the hip-hop world’

    "The accolade arrives when Nike made up of her his muse in the order to change the corporate image: more feminine and more hip-hop. "
    - it’s not the verb ‘to make up’, just ‘to make’. Make up is more like ‘imaginer’ or ‘se maquiller’,
    - Nike is a thing, a company, not a person, so think about how you’ve translated ‘son égérie’.
    - ‘corporate image’ implies that they’re employed her to change how professional people view their company. If you translate it literally, ‘change the image of the brand’, it makes more sense in English too.


    Okay, from here one, I’d translate them in the same tense as the French as the events described are happening now, and not in the past.


    "It is a major step in the life of the young dancer; this place give her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King."
    - ‘place’ would be better translated as ‘position’. A ‘place’ in English means an ‘endroit’.
    - check your spelling of ‘give’

    "She works now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna or even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered like the most reputed and the most requested dancer of the world."
    - ‘and even’, not ‘or even’
    - ‘to be considered something’ not ‘to be considered like something’ in this context, so ‘Sofia is considered the’
    - ‘most reputed’ – better: ‘best reputed’ or simply ‘best’ or ‘finest’ would sound quite nice
    - we say ‘in the word’ and not ‘of the word’


    Repost, correcting errors, and I'll check over it again


    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de rachadreams, postée le 30-04-2007 à 18:03:38 (S | E)

    Hi, :the corrections are written in bold.
    Becareful to your tenses, if you speak about the past, use tenses of the either past simple or...
    Another remarek pay attention to word-by-word translation

    This is the corrected text:

    Sofia Boutella was born on the third of April 1982.
    She is French, of Algerian origin. Her father is Safy Boutella, a well known composer and choreographer.
    She is a hip-hop, breakdance, freestyle and many other style, dancer ... She is actually the the female face of Nike.
    She began dance at 5, classically oriented, and at the age of 10 the SRG( sport and rhythmic gymnastics ) when she arrived in France. Sofia became finally famous in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16. The accolade arrived when Nike made her his muse in order to change the corporate image: more feminine and more hip-hop. It was a major step in the life of the young dancer; this place give her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King. She is working now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna and even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered as the bestreputed and the finest requested dancer of the world.

    Good luck


    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de marlond, postée le 30-04-2007 à 18:16:46 (S | E)
    Still some errors - refer to my above corrections for the parts in bold, and I've given some other explanations here

    Sofia Boutella was born on the third of April 1982.
    She is French, of Algerian origin. Her father is Safy Boutella, a well known composer and choreographer.
    She is a hip-hop, breakdance, freestyle and many other style, dancer [corrected: "she is a dancer specialising in hip-hop, break-dancing, freestyle and many other varieties"] ... She is actually the the female face of Nike.
    She began dance at 5, classically oriented, and at the age of 10 the SRG( sport and rhythmic gymnastics ) when she arrived in France. Sofia became finally famous in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16. The accolade arrived when Nike made her //his// muse in order to change the //corporate// image: more feminine and more hip-hop. It was a major step in the life of the young dancer; this place give her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King. She is working now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna and even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered as the //bestreputed// and the //finest requested// dancer //of the// world. [sorry if my correction was ambiguous on the last section - I meant to say use either 'best reputed' or 'finest', not a combination - I would say "Sofia is considered the finest and most sought after dancer in the world"]

    -------------------
    Modifié par marlond le 30-04-2007 18:30

    The bold doesn't seem to show up on my computer :S so I've put the mistakes between //these marks//.


    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de peretz, postée le 30-04-2007 à 18:38:34 (S | E)
    The French text: Sofia Boutella was born on April 03, 1982.

    It is French, of Algerian origin. His/her father is Safy Boutella, type-setter and recognized choreographer. It is a dancer of hip-hop, breakdance, freestyle and the full ones with other styles. She is currently the female egery of Nike. She begins the dance at 5 years, directed traditional, and at 10 years the GRS (eurhythmics and sporting)quand she comes to France. Sofia returns finally in the universe of the hip-hop at the 16 years age. The dedication arrives when Nike made of it its egery in order to change the public image: more female and more hip-hop. It is an important stage in the life of the young dancer; this place offers a fulgurating notoriety to him and will allow him to work with famous Jamie King. She works now with many stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna or Mariah Carey... Sofia is regarded as the most required dancer most famous and of the world.


    I made my mieux.j' hopes that you will be satisfied.
    thank you


    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de chtiteci67, postée le 30-04-2007 à 20:56:27 (S | E)
    Hi Marlond Thank you for all your explanations !! It was very very nice and now I've corrected my text. The text above your second writing was not from me !! So when you say " still some errors " it's not correct since I had not answer yet you believed spoken to me ( chtiteci67 ) but you spoke to " rachadreams " Don't matter. Here is my corrected writing :

    Sofia Boutella was born on the third of April 1982.
    She is french, of Algerian origin. Her father is Safy Boutella, a renowned composer and choreographer.
    She is a dancer specialising in hip-hop, break-dancing, freestyle and many other varieties. She is actually the female face of Nike.
    She began dance at 5, classically orientated, and at 10 the SRG ( sport and rhythmic gymnastics ) when she arrived in France.[ Sofia made it big in the hip-hop world at the age of 16 ... OR ... Sofia became finally famous in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16 ... What's the best sentence ?? ] The accolade arrives when Nike made of her its muse in the order to change the image of the brand: more feminine and more hip-hop. It is a major step in the young dancer's life; this position gives her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King. She works now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna and even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered the best reputed and the most requested dancer in the world.

    I took into account all your explanations ! It was an honor to work with you ( I have certainly still some errors ... ) I hope you'll write me soon
    See ya


    Réponse: Correction d'un texte en anglais de marlond, postée le 01-05-2007 à 02:14:56 (S | E)
    She is french, of Algerian origin. Her father is Safy Boutella, a renowned composer and choreographer.

    She is a dancer specialising in hip-hop, break-dancing, freestyle and many other varieties. She is actually the female face of Nike.
    -note 'actuellement' = 'currently' - just look at your word 'actually' and check you actually mean 'actually' and not 'currently'.

    She began dance at 5, classically orientated, and at 10 the SRG ( sport and rhythmic gymnastics ) when she arrived in France.[ Sofia made it big in the hip-hop world at the age of 16 ... OR ... Sofia became finally famous in the hip-hop universe at the age of 16 ... What's the best sentence ?? ]
    -'she began dance' is okay, but 'she began dancing' would be better.
    -either of the two in [] would be fine, just note that it should be 'finally became famous' for the correct word order - but I'd say the first of your options, personally.

    The accolade arrives when Nike made of her its muse in the order to change the image of the brand: more feminine and more hip-hop.
    -'arriveD'
    -'Nike made her'
    -'muse' isn't really the right word in English - 'figurehead', posssibly.

    It is a major step in the young dancer's life; this position gives her a dazzling fame and will enable her to work with the famous Jamie King. She works now with a lot of stars such as Madonna, Jamiroquai, Rihanna and even Mariah Carey... Sofia is considered the best reputed and the most requested dancer in the world.
    - perfect




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