Correction de rédaction 3ème (1)

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Correction de rédaction 3ème
Message de chacha1993 posté le 26-04-2008 à 18:49:22 (S | E | F)
Welcome, bonjour, pouvez-vous m'aidez afin de corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît et pouvez-vous me dire comment insérer du passif, du past perfect et du present perfect dans ma rédaction car celà fait déjà deux semaines que je suis sur ma rédac et voilà le résultat: Merci d'avance pour votre aide
Mon travail:
"Hello Commissioner," I said
"Bonjour Madame," said the Commissioner
"I called you is because I have been burgled when I was on holiday."
Then, he asked me "And how long have you been on holiday?"
"I left on April 14 exactly. Today we are on April 28. So, I haven't been here for 14 days" I explained to him
"How did you find your apartment when you arrived?"
"It was in a very poor condition."
"Have you noticed the disappearance of several items or any deterrioration ?"
"Yes, I have noticed that many of my paintings because I am artist as you may know had been damaged and even share ! I also have noticed that all my most precious objects had missed: my watches, necklaces, my jewelry, my creations ... "
"Have you touched on something when you arrived?"
"No, I called you directly, and I haven't touched anything!"
"Well, then we can start our investigation"

A moment later ...

"We believe that the investigation will be long and difficult."
"Can you explain why?"
"Because the vandals were very cautious."
"Did you find a fingerprint or any clues?"
"No, we did not. The burglars worked with gloves."
"Are there any witnesses, you can ask?"
"No, but we will be interviewing all the neighbourhood."
"Is it a big crime, to burgle? How will the burglars be punished?
"Yes, it is a crime for you because they have done a lot of damage and have destroyed and stolen objects that do not belong them but belongs to your company. And with regard to your insurance do not worry we are going to fix your flat with the same for your business. And as soon as the culprit??? would be unmasked, it will be punished for misconduct. But for the moment we are going to find an accommodation in order to be safe and continue our investigation, and as soon as we found anything, again, we call you on your mobile phone. I hope we will be able to do that very soon. Goodbye Madam. "
"OK, thank you. I have understood all and you have reassured me. Goodbye Mr Commissioner. Soon"

Merci ! Cordialement chacha1993
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Modifié par bridg le 26-04-2008 18:54
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse d'aider, d'indiquer les corrections à effectuer, mais de ne pas proposer leur propre traduction. Merci.

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Réponse: Correction de rédaction 3ème de luciferangel, postée le 28-04-2008 à 13:42:30 (S | E)
Mon travail:
"Hello Commissioner," I said
"Bonjour Madame," said the Commissioner
"I called you is because I have been burgledROBBED when I was on holiday."
Then, he asked me "And how long have you been on holiday?"
"I left on April 14 exactly. Today we are on April 28. So, I haven't been here for 14 days" I explained to him
"How did you find your apartment when you arrived?"
"It was in a very poor condition."
"Have you noticed the disappearance of several items or any deterrioration ?"
"Yes, I have noticed that many of my paintings because I am AN artist as you may know had been damaged and even share ! I also have ALSO noticed that all my most precious objects had missedARE MISSING: my watches, necklaces, my jewelry, my creations ... "
"Have you touched on something when you arrived?"
"No, I called you directly, and I haven't touched anything!"
"Well, then we can start our investigation"

A moment later ...

"We believe that the investigation will be long and difficult."
"Can you explain why?"
"Because the vandals were very cautious."
"Did you find a ANY fingerprint or any clues?"
"No, we did not. The burglars worked with gloves."
"Are there any witnesses, you can ask?"
"No, but we will be interviewing all the neighbourhood."
"Is it a big crime, to burgle STEAL? How will the burglars be punished?
"Yes, it is a crime for you because they have done a lot of damage and have destroyed and stolen objects that do not belong TO them but belongs to your company. And with regardS to your insurance do not worry we are going to fix your flat with the same for your business. And as soon as the culpritS would be unmasked, it THEY will be punished for misconduct. But for the moment we are going to find an accommodation in order to be safe and continue our investigation, and as soon as we foundFIND anything, again, we call you on your mobile phone. I hope we will be able to do that very soon. Goodbye Madam. "
"OK, thank you. I have understood allEVERYTHING and you have reassured me. Goodbye Mr Commissioner. SEE YOU Soon"

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