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    The last day (correction). (1)

    << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    The last day (correction).
    Message de amina20 posté le 14-07-2008 à 19:27:51 (S | E | F)

    bonjour.
    s'il vous plait, pouvez-vous me corriger cette petite nouvelle en anglais et merci beaucoup:LAST DAY
    THE LAST DAY
    He got up early morning that day; he had stayed in bed for almost half an hour. What was he thinking about all that time?
    Hundreds of things. He saw his life, all his life from his childhood in front of his eyes. It was like a movie, an interesting movie.
    His life was not too easy. He did mistakes, lots of mistakes; he recognized that, but he was also the others victim and that’s life: ups and downs!
    He lived, like all the kids, with his parents until he was twelve years old. His mother’s death spoilt everything: his family, his happiness, his future as well. He left home after his father’s marriage. His brother and he decided to be independent; they knew that would not be great but they had no choice. Maybe that was his first mistake. Now, when he remembers of that, he feels some nostalgia to his old life; he misses his mother. Well, he misses his father too!!
    He was luckier than his brother who was in jail. He hadn’t got any bad friends, he had never tried to steal or to kill anybody; he was in the right way, he worked as a lorries driver. That was the best job he could ever have: travelling from a city to another, every day, freely. He thought his job was interesting. However, he had never felt any stability: no home, no family, no kids…
    He comes back from to his large empty flat and he finds no one, nothing just silence and darkness.
    That day, he discovered something very important: Money is not everything!
    He thought he did not need anyone; he would succeed in life without anybody’s support. He thought having a family‘s nonsense, kids would just spoil his life and destroy everything he had built, but he was wrong, definitely wrong.
    Now, he wishes he got married; he wants deeply to hear a baby’s voice, not any baby, his one!
    It was too late unfortunately because that day was his last day..


    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 14-07-2008 19:29
    titre / forum


    Réponse: The last day (correction). de hoger, postée le 14-07-2008 à 21:03:19 (S | E)
    LAST DAY
    THE LAST DAY
    He got up early morning that day; he had (stayed in bed) already been awake [??] for almost half an hour. What was he thinking about all that time?
    Hundreds of things. He saw his life, all his life from his childhood (in front of) before [not physically "in front of" his eyes] his eyes. It was like a movie, an interesting movie.
    His life (was) [tense: "he saw his life" now – his life "had not been" easy before and until now] not too easy. He did made mistakes, lots of mistakes; he recognized that, but he was also (the others) other people's [??] victim and that's life: ups and downs!
    He lived [tense – not now, but before!!], like all the kids, with his parents until he was twelve years old. His mother's death spoilt everything: his family, his happiness, his future as well. He left [tense!!] home after his father's marriage. His brother and he decided [tense!!] to be independent; they knew that (that) it would not be great but they had no choice. Maybe that was [tense!!] his first mistake. Now, when he remembers of that, he feels some nostalgia to his old life; he misses his mother. Well, he misses his father too!!
    He was luckier than his brother who was in jail. He hadn't got any bad friends, he had never tried to steal or to kill anybody; he was in on the right way, he worked as a lorries [one "lorry" at a time!] driver. That was the best job he could ever have: travelling from a one city to another, every day, freely. He thought his job was interesting. However, he had never felt any stability: no home, no family, no kids…
    He comes back from (from what?) to his large empty flat and he finds no one, nothing, just silence and darkness.
    That day, he discovered something very important: Money is not everything!
    He thought he did not need anyone; he would succeed in life without anybody's support. He thought having a (family's) family was nonsense, kids would just spoil his life and destroy everything he had built, but he was wrong, definitely wrong.
    Now, he wishes [tense!!] he got [tense!!] married; he wants [tense!!] deeply to hear a baby's voice, not any baby's, his one's!
    It was too late unfortunately because (that) this day [or today] day was his last day…

    My "tense!!" corrections:
    Past tense:
    the time the narrator wakes up and looks back at his life = the "narrative present";
    Past perfect:
    everything that (had) happened before;
    Present tense:
    general statements like, "money is not everything" etc.



    Réponse: The last day (correction). de amina20, postée le 15-07-2008 à 17:32:08 (S | E)
    BONJOUR.
    JE VOUS REMERCIE DE TOUT MON COEUR.


    Réponse: The last day (correction). de jiiji, postée le 16-07-2008 à 17:35:22 (S | E)
    hi amina
    good job





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