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    Rapport de stage (correction) (1)

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    Rapport de stage (correction)
    Message de lawniczak posté le 19-08-2008 à 11:38:47 (S | E | F)

    Bonjour, je suis en bts transport et logistique j'ai (de l') une expression à faire sur mon stage. J'ai déjà posté sur plusieurs forums, on me dit que j'ai des fautes mais on ne sait pas me dire où??? Pouvez s'il vous plaît y jeter un oeil. Merci beaucoup.

    I done my training period in national and international firm. It's called xxx, this firm is located in industrial estate in Harnes. However, there are other firms in France and Belgium. xxx transports different goods for example candies, tv,dangerous materials, metals...
    The firm has about fifty truncks, it possess(s?) fork lift truncks, hand truncks....
    There are fourteen persons in offices, my tutor is Nathalie T., she is manager of operation , she maneges thirteen persons.
    xxx has values who are respect,rigour, good team spirit and ambition.

    I worked in offices with different persons, I arrived 8.30 am and finished 5.30 pm with a break between 12.00-14.00 pm. I done various jobs, I studied different litigations . Indeed there are a lot of problems when Alloin transports goods for example the goods can be broken, lost. I looked merchandises in differents firm xxxx in France thanks to phone. Then I phoned cutomers make an appointment with them to delivered the goods in good day; good hours, good place. I noted every informations in computer. The last week I done labels with computer and different informations on customers to identify the parcel.

    Thus,I learnt that this job is difficult but very interesting because sometimes the customers are very wicked with us. However I adore be on computer, speak people and the estate transort and logistic.
    The persons of xxx are very nice, welcoming, I passed a agreable training period.

    My tutor agreed to take me for my commercial training , I am hapy because I adore this firm.

    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 19-08-2008 12:20


    Réponse: Rapport de stage (correction) de hoger, postée le 19-08-2008 à 13:18:16 (S | E)
    I done [suggestion :] completed my training period in a national and international firm. It's [formes contractées à éviter dans un rapport officiel] called xxx, This firm, xxx, is located in [article !!] industrial estate [zone ?] in Harnes. However, there are other firms in France and Belgium. xxx transports different goods for example candies [singulier !], tv, dangerous materials, metals [singulier !]...
    The firm has about fifty truncks, it possess(s?) [si le verbe se termine par "s", la 3ème personne se forme par "es"] fork lift truncks [en fait, "fork lifts" est suffisant], hand truncks....
    There are fourteen persons in [article !!] offices, my tutor is Nathalie T., she is manager of operations, she manages thirteen persons.
    xxx has values who are respected, rigour, good team spirit and ambition.

    I worked in offices with different persons, I arrived at 8.30 am and finished at 5.30 pm with a break between from 12.00-14.00 pm. I done did various jobs ["jobs" est plutôt langage courant ; mieux : "tasks"], I studied different litigations. Indeed there are a lot of problems when Alloin transports goods, for example the goods can be broken, lost. I looked ["j'ai regardé" – par téléphone ? Je ne comprends pas …] merchandises in differents firm xxxx in France thanks to [via ?] telephone [avec "thanks to", il faudra un article ; mais l'expression "thanks to" est plutôt rare, au moins en comparaison au français]. Then I phoned customers make an appointment with them [superflu] to delivered the goods in ["in a day" = "dans un jour" ou "en une journée" ; ici : "on"] [article] good day ["a good day" serait un jour de bonne qualité ; ici : "the right day"], [article] good hours, [article] good place. I noted every all the informations in computer. The last week I done printed labels with [article] computer and different informations on [for ?] customers to identify the parcel.

    À suivre …


    Réponse: Rapport de stage (correction) de hoger, postée le 19-08-2008 à 13:33:55 (S | E)
    Thus, I learnt that this job is difficult but very interesting because sometimes the customers are very wicked ["harsh" ? "impolite" ?] with us. However,, I adore ["love" ; "adore" est pour dieu, une personne qu'on aime très fort, un bébé mignon, …] be on [article !] computer, speak [préposition !] people and the estate transport and logistic. [cette phrase nécessite un peu de travail ; "j'adore travailler ordinateur, parler gens et la propriété transport et logistique" – qu'est-ce qu'ils ont, "la propriété, le transport et la logistique" ?]
    The persons of xxx are very nice, welcoming, I passed spent a agreable pleasant training period.

    My tutor agreed to take accept me for my commercial training, I am happy because I adore really like this firm.

    En général, il faudra reviser les verbes irréguliers ("done" est le participe "fait, effectué" et ne pas le passé – ça serait "did") et faire attention aux articles ; des phrases comme "je travaille à ordinateur", "je travaille à bureau" ne sont pas correctes en français non plus.


    Réponse: Rapport de stage (correction) de lawniczak, postée le 20-08-2008 à 10:55:26 (S | E)
    BONJOUR c'est tres gentil d'avoir pris le temps de corriger mes erreurs j'ai donc recopié le texte sans le faute fin a moins que j'an ai oublié et j'ai mis en rouge les phrases qui étaient peu compréhensible et que j'ai essayé de reformulé.

    merci

    ] completed my training period in a national and international firm. It is called Alloin , This firm, Alloin, is located in a industrial estate in Harnes ( j'ai voulu dire qu'elle était situé dans la zone industrielle de Harnes)

    However, there are other firms in France and Belgium. Alloin transports different goods for example candy , tv, dangerous material, metal...

    The firm has about fifty truncks, it possesses fork lift , hand truncks....
    There are fourteen persons in a offices, my tutor is Nathalie T., she is manager of operations, she manages thirteen persons.
    Alloin has values who are respected, rigour, good team spirit and ambition.

    I worked in offices with different persons, I arrived at 8.30 am and finished at 5.30 pm with a break from 12.00-14.00 pm. I did various tasks , I studied different litigations. Indeed there are a lot of problems when Alloin transports goods, for example the goods can be broken, lost.

    I looked ["j'ai regardé" – par téléphone ? Je ne comprends pas …] merchandises in differents firm xxxx in France thanks to [via ?] telephone [avec "thanks to", il faudra un article ; mais l'expression "thanks to" est plutôt rare, au moins en comparaison au français]. certes ma phrase en veut rien dire je la reformule Sometimes, goods can be lost , thus we must phoned in different firm Alloin to know who is firm Alloin has the goods.

    Then I phoned customers make an appointment to delivered the goods "the right day", the right hours, the right place. I noted all the informations in computer. The last week I printed labels with a computer and different informations for customers to identify the parcel.


    Thus, I learnt that this job is difficult but very interesting because sometimes the customers are very impolite with us. However,, I love" be on a computer, speak with people and the estate transport and logistic.
    ( j'ai voulu dire j'aime etre sur l'ordinateur , parler avec les gens et le milieur/le domaine du transport et de la logistique)

    The persons of ALLOIN are very nice, welcoming, I spent a pleasant training period.

    My tutor agreed to accept me for my commercial training, I am happy because I really like this firm.


    Réponse: Rapport de stage (correction) de hoger, postée le 20-08-2008 à 19:48:36 (S | E)
    I completed my training period in a national and international firm. It is called Alloin , [Le nom est mentionné dans la prochaine phrase] This firm, Alloin, is located in a industrial estate in Harnes ( j'ai voulu dire qu'elle était situé dans la zone industrielle de Harnes) [j'aurai dit "industrial zone", mais "estate" est bon aussi]

    The firm has about fifty truncks, it possesses fork lifts, hand truncks.... [orthographe !! "trunk" (sans c) est une trompe d'un éléphant, un tronc d'un arbre, le coffre d'une voiture (en Amérique), …, "truck" (sans n) est un camion (en Amérique)]; et "forklift" est un seul chariot (élévateur blabla), pour le pluriel on ajoute un s]

    I looked merchandises in differents firms[je ne comprends toujours pas cette phrase – l'expression "to look merchandise (ou quoi que ce soit)" ne marche déjà pas, il faut une préposition "to look at ou for merchandise" ou un truc dans le genre – par téléphone ?? – peut-être "to check" = vérifier / contrôler ?]

    Then I phoned called customers make an appointments [plusieurs clients, donc plusieurs rendez-vous] to delivered the goods on "the right day" [et pas de guillemets, évidemment …]

    However, I love be work on a the computer, speak with people and the estate field of transport and logistics.


    Réponse: Rapport de stage (correction) de lawniczak, postée le 21-08-2008 à 11:32:42 (S | E)
    merci c'est gentil en gros je vais rendre a ma prof ceci




    I completed my training period in a national and international firm. It is called Alloin , this firm is located in a industrial estate in Harnes. However, there are other firms in France and Belgium.

    Alloin transports different goods for example candy , tv, dangerous material, metal... The firm has about fifty trucks, it possesses fork lift trucks, hand trucks... There are fourteen persons in a offices, my tutor is Nathalie T. , she is manager of operations, she manages thirteen persons. Alloin has values who are respected, rigour, good team spirit and ambition.

    I worked in offices with different persons, I arrived at 8.30 am and finished at 5.30 pm with a break from 12.00-14.00 pm. I did various tasks , I studied different litigations. Indeed there are a lot of problems when Alloin transports goods, for example the goods can be broken, lost.
    Sometimes, goods can be lost , thus we must phoned in different firm Alloin to know who is firm Alloin has the goods.
    Then I called customers make appointments to delivered the goods on the right day, the right hours, the right place. I noted all the informations in computer.
    The last week I printed labels with a computer and different informations for customers to identify the parcel.

    I learnt that this job is difficult but very interesting because sometimes the customers are very impolite with us. However, I love work on a computer, speak with people and field of transport and logistic. The persons of ALLOIN are very nice, welcoming, I spent a pleasant training period.
    My tutor agreed to accept me for my commercial training, I am happy because I really like this firm.


    merci de m'avoir aider !!!!!




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