Ma Présentation niv 1èreES, des fautes ? (1)
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Ma Présentation niv 1èreES, des fautes ?
Message de englishcountry posté le 06-09-2008 à 21:12:53 (S | E | F)
J'ai une présentation à faire, niveau 1ère ES, si vous voulez bien m'aider à corriger les fautes, que ce soit de grammaire et surtout de syntaxe, les phrases à améliorer etc afin d'avoir une écriture fluide et de qualité
My name is Jean. I am a 16-year-old boy, I was born on the 26 September 1992 and live in Paris. I am a chesnut brown-haired boy, tall and rather sociable. I practise football but only with my friends, not in a club. The cinema is one of my favorite activities, to watch science fiction or fantastic movies really interests me. Everyone should watch "Starship troopers" or "28 days later" at least once in his life, it is awesome. Even those who are not accustomed to watching this kind of movies would enjoy it. Chicken and pasta are what I like eating, but I am open-minded, to eat chinese or mexican food is good too.
I have one brother and no sisters, his name is Brian which is an american name that my parents decided to give him when they went to United States of America, about more 20 years ago. He moved house last year in Colmar for working there and my parents, Luc and Florence, aged respectively of 46 and 43, are not often at home so I have to do things by myself and always to give the better of me in whatever I undertake.
I chose a 1ère ES because S.E.S, History and English are my favorite subjects at school. It is interesting and not too difficult but more I work and more my marks will be better.
I don't know yet what I would like to do later but the only thing which I'm sure is that I want to study several years after my baccalauréat in order to find a good job and earn a lot of money.
To date, in spite of the fact the fact that I have never been in an English-speaking country, it would be very pleasant to visit for instance the United Kingdom or Australia, to see great monuments as Big Ben, Buckingham Palace or wonderful landscapes. It would be a pity not to improve my English and my culture.
Merci pour votre aide
Modifié par bridg le 06-09-2008 21:22
Merci aux membres qui ont le gentillesse de répondre, de simplement signaler les erreurs, et de permettre au membre demandeur de s'auto corriger.
Réponse: Ma Présentation niv 1èreES, des fautes ? de intrepid34, postée le 06-09-2008 à 21:34:47 (S | E)
Hey that's a really great essay Jean. If you can speak English like that at 16, by 20 you should be motoring along!! However............ yes, a couple of suggestions :
Line 2: I play football. Going to the cinema ... and watching science fiction films ....
Line 4: I like eating Chinese or Mexican food too.
Line 5: I have an older brother whose name is Brian (which is fact is an Irish name - King Brian is the king of the leprecauns -the little people in Ireland)
Line 6: more than twenty years ago (enlève "about")
Line 6: He moved to Colmar last year for work
Line 7: aged respectively 46 and 43 ....... and I always do my best in whatever I undertake/take on/do.
Line 8: but the more I work, the better my marks will be.
Line 12: I would love to visit (en lieu it would be very pleasant)
Line 13: great monuments such as Big Ben ... and the wonderful countryside.
Ce n'est pas tous les fautes, parce que c'est super français! Mais c'est charmant comme commentaire et j'ai corrigé les fautes "trop français". Prends note et bon courage: Je t'ai laissé un mot en privé.
Réponse: Ma Présentation niv 1èreES, des fautes ? de englishcountry, postée le 06-09-2008 à 21:56:04 (S | E)
Merci pour ta réponse
Pour le message privé, j'avais mis qu'on ne peut pas me contacter, ce que je viens de changer, comment je fais pour le voir ?
Encore merci, et si d'autres personnes ont également de bonnes suggestions, n'hésitez pas