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    Correction /Oliver Barret (1)

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    Correction /Oliver Barret
    Message de pop68 posté le 08-01-2009 à 16:39:30 (S | E | F)

    Bonjour, voilà j'ai fait une fiche de lecture sur un livre en anglais, il ya donc le résumé, une biographie de l'auteur, mes personnages préférés et détestés et une présentation d'un passage qui m'a plu. Mais je suis sure qu'il y a de nombreuses fautes, alors si quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à me corriger, ce serait vraiment gentil Et j'ai juste une petite question. Lorsque je parle de mon passage préféré ou des personnages, l'utilisation du pasé est-elle préférable ? Merci merci beaucoup de me consacrer du temps :$

    Présentation du passage : At the hospital, Jennifer's time has come. ( est venu ) Oliver and she were together in her room and they held each other.( ils se sont pris dans les bras l'un l'autre ) She thanked Oliver for all that he has done. Those were her last words. Oliver, helpless, didn't want to cry and had to be strong for her. It was what she taught him. This passage of the book relates the reconciliation between Oliver and his father whom he hated. He supported Oliver in the most difficult moment in his life. We are at a moving scene : the first time in Oliver's life, he was natural and himseld in front of his father and cried. It reveals another aspect of their relationship : Oliver had to be strong in front of him ( y a t'il une autre manière de dire cela ?) but the sadness was stronger than pride. ( je n'ai pas trouver de synoyme de strong, existe t-til ? ) The father- son relationship is a privilegied thing in a family. We learnt Jenny's death. It's a awful moment and to highlight the moving aspect of the situation, the author shows us that a father will forever near his son to help and support him. In addition, it's the last scene of the book and it warms up our heart and eases the tragic side of the story.

    SUMMARY :
    Oliver Barret the Fourth is a big Harvard sportsman. He's clever, good with girls and rich. Jennifer Cavilleri was a music student. She's beautiful, clever but she thaught that big Harvard sportsman were stupid.
    In the autumn of Oliver's last year at the university, he studied very hard in the Radcliffe library. The day before an examination, he asked for a book the clever Radcliffe girl wearing glasses. They felt in love ( dès le premier regard ? ). But there's any love story without problems. Oliver's father was a rich banker in Boston and Jenny's father is a poor baker in Rhode Island. Oliver found it 's easy to love jenny, but he was not be able to learn to love his father who was a big success and expected Oliver to be the same. One day, Jennifer decided to go to Paris to study with a famous music teacher but Oliver, in love with her, wanted to marry her. Jenny's idea to leave him disappeared. After their wedding, during the first three years, they had to work themselves to death. Time went by and the lovers wanted a child very much. But it's not always easy to make a baby, although they tried very hard. Finally Oliver became worried and they met together a doctor. Jenny will never have children according to the doctor. She's very ill : a blood disease. It was being destroy her blood and nobody were able to stop it...


    Voilà, je vais m'arreter là, je n'ose pas trop en demander.. C'est déjà énorme !! En tout cas, merci du fond du coeur !

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2009 17:07


    Réponse: Correction /Oliver Barret de linsey34, postée le 08-01-2009 à 19:00:18 (S | E)
    Dear pop68,
    voici les erreurs à corriger:

    Présentation du passage : At the hospital, Jennifer's time has come. ( est venu ) Oliver and she were together in her room and they held each other.( ils se sont pris dans les bras l'un l'autre ) She thanked Oliver for all that he has done. temps à changer Those were her last words. Oliver, helpless, didn't want to cry and had to be strong for her. It was what she taught him. This passage of the book relates the reconciliation between Oliver and his father whom he hated. He supported Oliver in the most difficult moment in his life. We are at a moving scene : the first time in Oliver's life, he was natural and himseld in front of his father and cried. It reveals another aspect of their relationship : Oliver had to be strong in front of him ( y a t'il une autre manière de dire cela ?) but the sadness was stronger than pride. ( je n'ai pas trouver de synoyme de strong, existe t-til ? ) The father- son relationship is a privilegied thing in a family. We learnt il manque une préposition Jenny's death. It's a awful moment and to highlight the moving aspect of the situation, the author shows us that a father will forever near verbe? his son to help and support him. In addition, it's the last scene of the book and it warms up our heart and eases the tragic side of the story.

    SUMMARY :
    Oliver Barret the Fourth is a big Harvard sportsman. He's clever, good with girls and rich. Jennifer Cavilleri was a music student. She's beautiful, clever but she thaught that big Harvard sportsman were stupid.
    In the autumn of Oliver's last year at the university, he studied very hard in the Radcliffe library. The day before an examination, he asked for a book the clever Radcliffe girl wearing glasses. ?? They felt in love ( dès le premier regard ? )at first sight. But there's any love story without problems. Oliver's father was a rich banker in Boston and Jenny's father is a poor baker in Rhode Island. Oliver found that it 's easy to love jenny, but he was not be able to learn how to love his father who was a big success and expected Oliver to be the same. One day, Jennifer decided to go to Paris to study with a famous music teacher but Oliver, who was in love with her, wanted to marry her. Jenny's idea to leave him disappeared. After their wedding, during the first three years, they had to work themselves to death. Time went by and the lovers wanted a child very much. But it's not always easy to make a baby, although they tried very hard. Finally Oliver became worried and they met together a doctor. Jenny will never have children according to the doctor. She's very ill : a blood disease. It was being destroy her blood ??and nobody were able to stop it...


    Réponse: Correction /Oliver Barret de linsey34, postée le 11-01-2009 à 10:19:07 (S | E)
    Hi !!
    Pas de proposition de correction??




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