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Skeleton in the Cupboard /Correction
Message de redboots posté le 24-05-2009 à 17:17:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous en ce si beau dimanche,
je viens de finir mon résumé d'anglais, j'aimerais beaucoup que vous puissiez me le corriger et me donner quelques petits conseils ou expressions utiles que je pourrais intégrer. Merci beaucoup, bonne journée.
Tony Wilmot Skeleton in the Cupboard
For several days now, they had sat at the same bench for the mid-day break. To him, it was a fillip to his middle-aged man’s morale (she had half of his age).
Earlier that morning, events had taken a more serious turn. He works in the Vehicle Registration in the Town Hall. And the young girl of the park bench came in, as an enquirer. She traced an MG sports cars owner, who had lived in Elmston and got married 20 years ago. In the thread of the discussion, the man told her he used to live in Elmston. Immediately, he felt a twinge if unease, understanding he had too much said.
For he used to run an MG. And he had married, with Margaret, 20 years ago.
It was an evening; he had been exceeding the speed limit, and a 10 aged girl, was hurt by him. He had panicked and left her in a hit-and-run. If he had stayed, his driving license would been suspended. And now, he feared the enquirer came found him.
To create a diversion, he told her about his friend, who lived in Elmston too. But finally, called this friend “Robert Smythe” (his proper name), and she exclaimed that it is this man she searched!
An evening, Margaret (Robert’s wife) received a letter from the young enquirer. In this, she describes her feelings, now she has refunded her both mother. Margaret glanced at Robert but he seemed unaware of her agitation. Margaret had left the young girl, before her marriage with Robert.
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Modifié par bridg le 24-05-2009 17:32
titre
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Modifié par kolimang le 24-05-2009 20:07
Message de redboots posté le 24-05-2009 à 17:17:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous en ce si beau dimanche,
je viens de finir mon résumé d'anglais, j'aimerais beaucoup que vous puissiez me le corriger et me donner quelques petits conseils ou expressions utiles que je pourrais intégrer. Merci beaucoup, bonne journée.
Tony Wilmot Skeleton in the Cupboard
For several days now, they had sat at the same bench for the mid-day break. To him, it was a fillip to his middle-aged man’s morale (she had half of his age).
Earlier that morning, events had taken a more serious turn. He works in the Vehicle Registration in the Town Hall. And the young girl of the park bench came in, as an enquirer. She traced an MG sports cars owner, who had lived in Elmston and got married 20 years ago. In the thread of the discussion, the man told her he used to live in Elmston. Immediately, he felt a twinge if unease, understanding he had too much said.
For he used to run an MG. And he had married, with Margaret, 20 years ago.
It was an evening; he had been exceeding the speed limit, and a 10 aged girl, was hurt by him. He had panicked and left her in a hit-and-run. If he had stayed, his driving license would been suspended. And now, he feared the enquirer came found him.
To create a diversion, he told her about his friend, who lived in Elmston too. But finally, called this friend “Robert Smythe” (his proper name), and she exclaimed that it is this man she searched!
An evening, Margaret (Robert’s wife) received a letter from the young enquirer. In this, she describes her feelings, now she has refunded her both mother. Margaret glanced at Robert but he seemed unaware of her agitation. Margaret had left the young girl, before her marriage with Robert.
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Modifié par bridg le 24-05-2009 17:32
titre
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Modifié par kolimang le 24-05-2009 20:07
Réponse: Skeleton in the Cupboard /Correction de andrewfurlow, postée le 25-05-2009 à 01:56:41 (S | E)
Bonjour! Votre résumé il est déjà pas mal. Considérez quelques corrections (données en français; il faudra excuser les fautes!):
Tony Wilmot Skeleton in the Cupboard
For several days now, they had sat at the same bench for the mid-day break. To him, it was a fillip [Je n'ai jamais rencontré ce mot, mais il paraît que l'usage est correct; bien fait!] to his middle-aged man’s morale (she had half of his age) [En anglais, l'âge s'exprime avec "to be". En plus, le mot "half" n'est pas suivi de la préposition "of" quand il exprime une idée abstraite plutôt que la fraction exacte: "I'm only half his size." "He was playing basketball with a guy half his height." "You're not half the man he is!" Sinon, ça sonne un peu comme un cours de maths. Donc "she was half his age"].
Earlier that morning, events had taken a more serious turn. He works in the Vehicle Registration [peut-être faut-il ajouter "Office" ou une autre indication de lieu]in the Town Hall. And the young girl of [pour lier une personne au lieu ou à l'occasion d'une rencontre précédente, la préposition est "from"] the park bench came in, as an enquirer. She traced an MG sports cars owner, who had lived in Elmston and got married 20 years ago. In the thread of the discussion, the man told her he used to live in Elmston. Immediately, he felt a twinge if [typo: "of"]unease, understanding he had too much said [ordre des mots: "too much" fonctionne comme un objet direct, donc après le verbe].
For he used to run ["drive"?] an MG. And he had married, with Margaret, 20 years ago["married with" ne se dit presque plus: "had gotten married to Margaret" ou tout simplement "had married Margaret"].
It was an evening; he had been exceeding the speed limit["he had been speeding" serait un peu plus simple], and a 10 aged girl[en forme adjective, l'âge s'exprime avec "#-year-old"], was hurt by him. He had panicked and left her in a hit-and-run. If he had stayed, his driving license would been [il faut vérifier le conditionnel passé ici]suspended. And now, he feared the enquirer came [ici il faut ajouter quelque chose entre les deux verbes]found him.[Puisque cette phrase vient à la fin d'une suite de phrases utilisant le plus-que-parfait, je mettrais "had come and found him"]
To create a diversion[se dit plutôt des actions physiques: "To create a diversion, he shot his gun in the air." peut-être "To throw her off track"], he told her about his friend, who lived in Elmston too. But finally, [il manque ici le pronom "he"]called this friend “Robert Smythe” (his proper name), and she exclaimed that it is this man she searched! [Ici il faut utiliser "search for" pour "chercher"; "search" sans préposition veut dire "fouiller". Pour être moins formel, "she exclaimed that this was just the man she was looking for!"
An evening[Quand on raconte une histoire, les expressions de temps prennent toujours le mot "one", donc "One day," "One morning," "One evening"], Margaret (Robert’s wife) received a letter from the young enquirer. In this, she describes her feelings, now she has refunded her both mother. Margaret glanced at Robert but he seemed unaware of her agitation. Margaret had left the young girl, before her marriage with Robert. [j'avais un peu de mal à comprendre ces dernières phrases, surtout la phrase "now she has refunded her both mother" car "refund" = "rembourser" et "both" = "les deux"]
J'éspère que vous trouvez utile ces corrections! Si je me suis mal exprimé en français, dites-le-moi et je peux préciser...
Réponse: Skeleton in the Cupboard /Correction de redboots, postée le 27-05-2009 à 17:16:43 (S | E)
Je vous remercie andrewfurlow, vos explications sont très claires et j'espère qu'elles m'aideront à ne plus faire les mêmes bêtises
Pour le dernier paragraphe; un soir, Margaret reçoit une lettre de la jeune détective. Dans cette lettre, elle lui décrit tout son ressenti maintenant qu'elle a retrouvé sa mère biologique. (à travers cette lettre, on apprend que Margaret est la mère de la jeune détective, mais qu'elle l'a abandonnée avant d'épouser Robert).
INDISPENSABLES : 