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Message de jiha94 posté le 26-09-2009 à 22:57:31 (S | E | F)
S'il vous plaît, corrigez-moi cette production et donnez-moi vos avis, j'attends vos réponses etje vous remercie d'avance.
this is a sad a story about a child who stay alone in a life.it concerns a little boy who list her family in a dangerous accident;he failed alone;without home;food and studying.first of all;he was 12 years when he knew a die of his parents and his sister;his uncle threw him in the street he went to their neighbor to helped him;this one accept him in his house if he payed a rent:he found a work in a beaker's;he studied in the morning and worked in the afternoon;after 6 years he studied in university and had a permission.in the end he was a teacher he liked her job and he married a beautiful women ;he's happy now and live at ease whith his wife and children .if we stay alone we must rely on ourselves and harwork to furfill our wishes because the life don't stop. please quickly answer me
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Modifié par bridg le 26-09-2009 22:59
Forum
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Modifié par jiha94 le 26-09-2009 23:11
Réponse: Writing de seb06000, postée le 27-09-2009 à 11:02:37 (S | E)
bonjour,
voici les indications de correction:
'this is a sad a story about a child who stay ( conjugaison) alone in a ( choix du déterminant) life.it concerns ( verbe mal choisi) a little boy who list (conjugaison) her ( her est feminin or votre sujet est masculin) family in a dangerous accident;he failed ( sens?) alone;without home;food and studying.first of all;he was 12 years when he knew a die (expression à revoir) of his parents and his sister;his uncle threw him in the street he went to their neighbor to helped him ( structure à revoir, il va voir ses voisins pour être aidé et non l'inverse) ;this one accept (conjugaison) him in his house if he payed (temps) a rent:he found a work in (préposition) a beaker's;he studied in the morning and worked in the afternoon;after 6 years he studied in university and had a permission.in the end he was a teacher he liked her (her= féminin) job and he married a beautiful women ( a + nom singulier, women= pluriel) ;he's happy now and live (conjugaison) at ease whith his wife and children .if we stay alone we must rely on ourselves and harwork to furfill our wishes because the life don't (conjugaison)'
NB: n'oubliez pas qu'une phrase commence par une majuscule et se termine par un point!
Bon courage!
sebastien
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Modifié par seb06000 le 27-09-2009 11:05
Réponse: Writing de dolfin56, postée le 27-09-2009 à 11:12:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,
this is a sad a story about a child who stay (3è pers. sing.) alone in a life.It concerns a little boy who list (to leave au prét.) her family in a dangerous accident;he failed (to fall pret.) alone,without home,food and studying.First of all,he was 12 years when he knew a die of his parents (mal dit) and his sister;his uncle threw him in the street he went (asker?)to their neighbor (ortho) to helped him (mal dit);this one accept ( temps)him in his house if he payed a rent:he found a work in (at) a beaker's;he studied in the morning and worked in the afternoon;after (during) 6 years he studied in an university and had a permission.in (at) the end he was a teacher he liked her job and he married a beautiful women il en a une seule à la fois !) ;he's happy now and live (easily) at ease whith his wife and children .If we stay alone we must rely on ourselves and hardwork to furfill
our wishes because please quickly answer me
a second try would surely be better.
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