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Essay+ideas
Message de nanie95 posté le 17-01-2010 à 14:20:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour et merci de prendre le temps de m'aider;
voilà j'ai uneredac rédaction en anglais; je suis très mauvaise; je dois faire écrire 200 mots, il m'en manque 50 donc n'hésitez pas si vous avez des idées ;
voilà mon sujet :
would you like to have camera in stand in your school
I would'nt be filmed at school because my family could see me at anytime of day.I have life at school and I have life in my family.It's tow life very seperate.I will feel spy on each movement , I won't be free to do that I want as to speak when I mustn't do.It's not because we are teenager that we have no right to have a private life.School mark a break , I don't think my parents will have liked to be filmed at school or at work .Each people have right at intimity. If for exemple I talk during (comment on dit un cour?) and at night my parents do morality to have talk instead of to listen it's not normal because I don't listen so I will be penalized mine
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Edited by lucile83 on 17-01-2010 14:36
Nous corrigeons ce que nous lisons,à vous de trouver vos idées.
Message de nanie95 posté le 17-01-2010 à 14:20:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour et merci de prendre le temps de m'aider;
voilà j'ai une
voilà mon sujet :
would you like to have camera in stand in your school
I would'nt be filmed at school because my family could see me at anytime of day.I have life at school and I have life in my family.It's tow life very seperate.I will feel spy on each movement , I won't be free to do that I want as to speak when I mustn't do.It's not because we are teenager that we have no right to have a private life.School mark a break , I don't think my parents will have liked to be filmed at school or at work .Each people have right at intimity. If for exemple I talk during (comment on dit un cour?) and at night my parents do morality to have talk instead of to listen it's not normal because I don't listen so I will be penalized mine
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Edited by lucile83 on 17-01-2010 14:36
Nous corrigeons ce que nous lisons,à vous de trouver vos idées.
Réponse: Essay+ideas de olfa11, postée le 17-01-2010 à 19:24:33 (S | E)
BONSOIR
I would'nt(il manque le verbe) be(le verbe to be) filmed at school because my family could ( pourquoi le passé )see me at anytime of day.I have life at school and I have life in my family(essayer d'enrichir ... votre vie privée...).It's tow (ortographe)life(pluriel) very seperate(l'accord).
I will feel spy (être épié) on each movement , I won't be free to do that (ce n'est pas le bon pronom) I want as to speak (want to do something ) when I mustn't do.It's not because we are teenager ( pluriel ) that we have no right to have a private life.School mark
a break , I don't think my parents will have liked to be filmed at school or at work .Each people (le choix du pronoun) have(conjugaison ) right(l'article) at intimity(vérifier l'ortographe ). If for exemple I talk during (comment on dit un cour?) and at night my parents do morality (changer l'expression ) to have talk (revoyez la structure et le reste) instead of to listen (après instead of ing form) it's not normal because I don't listen so I will be penalized mine ( revoir la structure et essayer de ne pas traduire du mot à mot)bon courage , essayez de revoir votre essay et de l'enrichir...
Réponse: Essay+ideas de nanie95, postée le 17-01-2010 à 19:27:01 (S | E)
je ne demande pas qu'on me redige tout en anglais je cherche juste des petites idées en francais pour moi meme les developper en anglais plus tard
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Modifié par bridg le 17-01-2010 19:32
Voyons déjà votre texte corrigé par respect pour le membre qui vous a aidée
Réponse: Essay+ideas de nanie95, postée le 17-01-2010 à 19:39:41 (S | E)
voilà le texte modofié
I would'nt want to be filmed at school because my family could see me at anytime of day.I have life at school and I have another life at home with my family.
These two life are really different and seperate .I would feel spy on each movement , I wouldn't be free to do what I want , as speaking when I wouldn't be supposed to do it.
It's not because we are teenager that we don't have the right to have a private life.School marks a break , I don't think that my parents would liked to be filmed at school or at work.
Everyone has the right to have an intimity. For example if I talk during the lesson class and at night my parents do morality to have talk instead of to listen it's not normal because I don't listen so I will be penalized mine
Réponse: Essay+ideas de olfa11, postée le 17-01-2010 à 20:50:58 (S | E)
I would'nt want to be filmed at school because my family could see me at anytime of day.I have life at school and I have another life at home with my family.
These two life (pluriel) are really different and seperate .I would feel spy (l'accord ) on each movement , I wouldn't be free to do what I want , as speaking when I wouldn't be supposed to do it.
It's not because we are teenager (pluriel) that we don't have the right to have a private life.School marks (essayer un autre mot) a break , I don't think that my parents would liked to be filmed at school or at work.
Everyone has the right to have an intimity (vérifier la traduction du mot). For example if I talk during the lesson class and at night my parents do morality (changer l'expression , les parents vont critiquer votre comportement etc...) to have talk instead of to listen ( éviter l'infinitif et développer , vous pouvez ajouter et parler de l'inquiétudes des parents... l'importance de l'apprentissage... ) it's not normal ( justement pourquoi ? ) because I don't listen so I will be penalized mine ( le verbe to punish est plus approprié ici)
(ne pas oublier également de parler du côté positif ... car l'élève va travailler et être stimulé... et les parents rassurés...)
bonne chance
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