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Rédaction/leave your country
Message de unknown59 posté le 10-03-2010 à 21:03:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Alors voilà j'ai une rédaction à rendre et je voulais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait m'indiquer les fautes qu'il y a sans les corriger.
Le sujet est:
"If you had to leave your country one day, where would you go and why?"
Voilà ma redac:
If I had to leave my country one day, I would go to any country and any cities in the world, everywhere except in the North of France, where I live. My reasons are probably easy to understand, I would like to leave my present life, all my problems and my responsibilities. The United States, more precisely California would be my dreaming destination.
And today, it is true that this destination would be the most wonderful for a new life. If one day I have to leave the France and go abroad, I would love to go and live in this amazing state that is California. I am passionate about computing, and a job in one of the largest and most renowned companies in the world, as the Giants Google, Yahoo or Facebook would be excellent for my professional life.
Moreover a beautiful little house and a family car are ideal conditions to begin the "American
dream" and especially the possibility to be as close as possible. From the serie's shooting "The
Mentalist". Here is my first motivation to be able to shake hands with the famous actor, Simon
Baker, and to attend the serie's shooting, that is what makes of California the destination of my dreams.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-03-2010 21:31
titre
Message de unknown59 posté le 10-03-2010 à 21:03:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Alors voilà j'ai une rédaction à rendre et je voulais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait m'indiquer les fautes qu'il y a sans les corriger.
Le sujet est:
"If you had to leave your country one day, where would you go and why?"
Voilà ma redac:
If I had to leave my country one day, I would go to any country and any cities in the world, everywhere except in the North of France, where I live. My reasons are probably easy to understand, I would like to leave my present life, all my problems and my responsibilities. The United States, more precisely California would be my dreaming destination.
And today, it is true that this destination would be the most wonderful for a new life. If one day I have to leave the France and go abroad, I would love to go and live in this amazing state that is California. I am passionate about computing, and a job in one of the largest and most renowned companies in the world, as the Giants Google, Yahoo or Facebook would be excellent for my professional life.
Moreover a beautiful little house and a family car are ideal conditions to begin the "American
dream" and especially the possibility to be as close as possible. From the serie's shooting "The
Mentalist". Here is my first motivation to be able to shake hands with the famous actor, Simon
Baker, and to attend the serie's shooting, that is what makes of California the destination of my dreams.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-03-2010 21:31
titre
Réponse: Rédaction/leave your country de gerondif, postée le 10-03-2010 à 23:25:13 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
peu de choses à corriger en fait
If I had to leave my country one day, I would go to any country and any cities in the world, everywhere except in the North of France, where I live. My reasons are probably easy to understand, I would like to leave my present life, all my problems and my responsibilities. The United States, more precisely California would be my dream
And today, it is true that this destination would be the most wonderful for a new life. If one day I have to leave
Moreover a beautiful little house and a family car are ideal conditions to begin the "American dream" and especially the possibility to be as close as possible
Mentalist". Here is my first motivation: to be able to shake hands with the famous actor, Simon Baker, and to attend the serie's shooting, that is what makes
Réponse: Rédaction/leave your country de unknown59, postée le 11-03-2010 à 13:24:25 (S | E)
Ok c'est corrigé
Merci beaucoup de votre réponse aussi rapide.
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