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    A mysterious place

    << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    A mysterious place
    Message de fever01 posté le 31-08-2010 à 16:39:56 (S | E | F)
    coucou! voilà le sujet d'expression écrite d'1 annale que je fais et j'aimerais avoir votre correction.
    Sujet: imagine you got lost in some mysterious place .Describe your experience and your feelings.

    One evening,in february , after i had left some friends in front of the college , i went back home. unfortunately , because there was a bus strike and my mobile didn't work, i had to join the train station which is situated a couple of miles away.I believed a train would dropped me home back . i decided to take a shortcut trought a desert street ."i'm downtown, nothing bad can happen ,i'am downtown nothing bad can happen " i kept reapeting in my mind trying to be confident.But i couldn't prevent from taking glance all around me while i was walking.
    I had continued until the crossroads. Several stores was already closed and it was freezing. the wind slapped on my face at times.
    Nothing in the area reminded me the direction to take even i've tooken this way a time before.
    i 've decided to turn right.I thought i would probably recognise something. I went into the depths of a dark lane where lampposts looked to be fewer as previously.
    At each foot , i was hesitating more and more. this huge house: i've never seen it before and this café...
    i coudn't say if my heart was beating more than my brain was boiling or the contrary.
    I was suddenly hot. i trotted , stopped , looked all around me. Gosh i was lost.i tried to calm down and to return to the main street.
    "is something wrong" someone asked on my back.I nearnly yelled. It was a short and plump woman. "Uh...Where's the train station ?" i stammed.
    "you are in the right way. Follow this lane.you go staight on " She pointed.
    I thanked her.
    I was relieved.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 06-09-2010 07:12




    Réponse: A mysterious place de notrepere, postée le 31-08-2010 à 17:30:52 (S | E)
    Hello fever01!

    First of all, you need to fix the obvious things:

    1. i = I (lowercase i does not exist as a word in English)
    2. It is necessary to capitalize the first letter of the first word at the beginning of each sentence. You obviously know this but you got lazy and didn't do it.
    3. Capitalize the names of months and days of the week.
    4. No space before punctuation in English. Always a space (or two) after.




    Réponse: A mysterious place de gerondif, postée le 31-08-2010 à 17:33:56 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    Mettez tous les i en majuscule I
    One evening,in february , after i had left some friends in front of the college(quel sens français ? collège ? Auquel cas c'est faux), i went back home. unfortunately , because there was a bus strike and my mobile didn't work, i had to join(verbe bizarre, j'aurais dit marcher jusqu'à) the train station which is situated a couple of miles away.I believed(croire en une religion? j'aurais plutôt dit "espérer") a train would dropped(erreur de conjugaison) me home back (ordre des mots). i decided to take a shortcut trought a desert street ."i'm downtown, nothing bad can happen ,i'am downtown nothing bad can happen " i kept reapeting in my mind trying to be confident.But i couldn't prevent(ne pas pouvoir s'empêcher de se dit plutôt : I couldn't help + ing) from taking ** glance (le verbe glance directement serait mieux)all around me while i was walking.
    I had continued until (français traduit: marcher jusqu'à (up to) ou atteindre iraient mieux) the crossroads. Several stores was(pluriel) already closed and it was freezing. the wind slapped on my face at times.
    Nothing in the area reminded me ***the direction to take even(manque un mot: même si)) i've tooken (mauvais temps, avoir doit être au passé, mauvais participe passé)this way a time before.(ne se dit pas. L'adverbe déjà suffirait) i 've (choix de temps discutable)decided to turn right.I thought i would probably recognise (s ou z, notrepère ?) something. I went into the depths (paraît bizarre pour dire pénétrer au plus profond de... depth me paraît une notion verticale) of a dark lane where lampposts looked to be fewer as(construction du comparatif) previously.
    At each foot (à chaque pas, pas à chaque pied !) , i was hesitating more and more. this huge house: i've (j'aurais dit: I had never seen, je n'avais jamais vu... a moins que ce ne soit votre pensée directe sans guillemets) never seen it before and this café...
    i coudn't say if my heart was beating more than my brain was boiling(sens? mon coeur battait plus que mon esprit ne bouillait ?) or the contrary.
    I was suddenly hot. i trotted(choix du verbe) , stopped , looked all around me. Gosh i was lost.i tried to calm down and to return to the main street.
    "is something wrong" someone asked on my back.I nearnly yelled. It was a short and plump woman. "Uh...Where's the train station ?" i stammed.(begayer ? to stammer)
    "you are in the right way( dans la bonne direction en mot-à mot: j'aurais dit : you are going the right way pour donner une notion de mouvement, ou alors, it's the right way). Follow this lane.you go staight on " She pointed.
    I thanked her.
    I was relieved.

    La fin nous laisse un peu sur notre faim, au niveau suspense, on s'attendait à un gros malheur dans cette ruelle sombre . Sinon, on comprend bien votre texte malgré les petits détails à corriger. You can make yourself understood !





    Réponse: A mysterious place de notrepere, postée le 31-08-2010 à 19:57:09 (S | E)
    Hello!

    One evening,in february , after i had left some friends in front of the college(quel sens français ? collège ? Auquel cas c'est faux), i went back home. unfortunately , because there was a bus strike and my mobile didn't work, i had to join(verbe bizarre, j'aurais dit marcher jusqu'à) the train station which is situated a couple of miles away.I believed(croire en une religion? j'aurais plutôt dit "espérer") a train would dropped(erreur de conjugaison) me home back (ordre des mots). i decided to take a shortcut trought a desert [forme d'un adjectif] street ."i'm downtown, nothing bad can happen ,i'am downtown nothing bad can happen " i kept reapeting in my mind trying to be confident. This would be more natural if you said: I kept repeating "I'm downtown...etc." in my mind, trying to calm myself.) But i couldn't prevent(ne pas pouvoir s'empêcher de se dit plutôt : I couldn't help + ing) from taking ** glance (le verbe glance directement serait mieux)all around me while i was walking.
    I had continued until (français traduit: marcher jusqu'à (up to) ou atteindre iraient mieux) the crossroads. Several stores was(pluriel) already closed and it was freezing. the wind slapped on my face at times.
    Nothing in the area reminded me ***the direction to take even(manque un mot: même si)) i've tooken (mauvais temps, avoir doit être au passé, mauvais participe passé)this way a time before.(ne se dit pas. L'adverbe déjà suffirait) i 've (choix de temps discutable)decided to turn right.I thought i would probably recognise (s ou z, notrepère ?) something. I went into the depths (paraît bizarre pour dire pénétrer au plus profond de... depth me paraît une notion verticale)
    of a dark lane where lampposts looked to be fewer as(construction du comparatif) previously (On ne dit pas 'fewer than previously' Je suggère 'fewer than before')..
    At each foot (à chaque pas, pas à chaque pied !) , i was hesitating more and more. this huge house: i've (j'aurais dit: I had never seen, je n'avais jamais vu... a moins que ce ne soit votre pensée directe sans guillemets) never seen it before and this café...
    i coudn't say if my heart was beating more than my brain was boiling(sens? mon coeur battait plus que mon esprit ne bouillait ?) or the contrary.
    I was suddenly hot. i trotted(choix du verbe) , stopped , looked all around me. Gosh i was lost.i tried to calm down and to return to the main street.

    "Is something wrong?" someone asked on my back [pas naturel; on peut dire 'someone said from behind'].




    Réponse: A mysterious place de fever01, postée le 31-08-2010 à 21:47:24 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup pour vos corrections. J'ai refait l'expression en tenant compte de vos conseils.

    One evening, in February, after I had left some friends in front of the university, I went back home.Unfortunately, because there was a bus strike and my mobile didn't work, I had to reach the train station which is situated a couple of miles away. I believed ( believe n'a pas de connotations religieuse) a train would drop me back home.I decided to take a shortcut through a deserted street.I kept repeating "I'm downtown nothing bad can happen, I'm downtown nothing bad can happen" in my mind trying to be confident.But I couldn't help glancing all around me while i was walking.
    I reached the crossroads. Several stores were already closed and it was freezing.The wind slapped on my face at times.
    Nothing in the area reminds me of the direction to take even though i had taken this way before.I decided to turn right.I thought I would probably recognise something. I went into the darkness (c'est pour faire le suspense ()of a winding lane where lampposts looked to be fewer than previously.
    At each step I was hesitating more and more .This huge house i've never seen it and this café ...(ce sont bien les pensées sans les guillemets) . In the silence of the narrowed street , I felt as if we could have heard my heart beating. My brain seemed boiling.
    I was suddenly hot.I walked faster, stopped, looked all around me. Gosh I was lost.I tried to calm down and to return to the main street.
    "Is something wrong" someone asked in my back. I nearly yelled.It was a short and plump woman."Uh...Where's the train station?" I stammed out (balbutier).
    "you are going to the right way. Follow this lane . You go straight on"

    Voilà mais pourquoi believe aurait-il une connotation religieuse? On m'a appris en cours que believe pouvait exprimer l'hypothése=opinion.
    Et quand utilise t-on Prevent from+v-ing?
    Voilà sinon je voulais dire à gerondif que je suis censée raconter une histoire que j'avais vécu donc je suis dsl désolée pour la fin tragique!! Bonne soirée.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 06-09-2010 07:13


    Réponse: A mysterious place de gerondif, postée le 31-08-2010 à 22:41:25 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,

    Beaux progrès ! (attention: je voulais ais, pas ait)

    Pour moi, to believe, c'est croire à une vérité:

    I believe your story: you are not lying to me.

    je préférerais to think au sens de croire signifiant: je ne suis pas sûr de ce que j'avance.
    Quand je dis "sens religieux", c'est pour corriger vite et exagérer les deux sens de croire.

    On peut dire : "I believe he is lying " à la place de "I think he is lying", mais cela me paraît alors plus soutenu, plus précieux.

    to prevent from: A strike prevented me from going to work today.
    l'expression: "je ne puis m'empêcher de" au sens de "c'est incontrôlable, plus fort que moi", est plutôt: "I couldn't help laughing at him "!

    One evening, in February, after I had left some friends in front of the university, I went back home.Unfortunately, because there was a bus strike and my mobile didn't work, I had to reach the train station which is situated a couple of miles away. I believed a train would drop me back home.I decided to take a shortcut through a deserted street.I kept repeating "I'm downtown nothing bad can happen, I'm downtown nothing bad can happen" in my mind trying to be confident.But I couldn't help glancing all around me while i was walking.
    I reached the crossroads. Several stores were already closed and it was freezing.The wind slapped on my face at times.
    Nothing in the area reminds(prétérit) me of the direction to take even though i had taken this way before.I decided to turn right.I thought I would probably recognise something. I went into the darkness of a winding lane where lampposts looked (plutôt seemed) to be fewer than previously.(voir post de notrepère)
    At each step I was hesitating (j'hésitais.. imparfait en français mais les verbes d'état d'esprit ont un sens duratif au prétérit simple: I loved chocolate when I was young, pas I was loving, donc, je ferais pareil ici) more and more .This huge house, i've never seen it and this café ... In the silence of the narrowed(narrow irait bien) street , I felt as if we could have heard (un cran trop haut)my heart beating. My brain seemed (to be)boiling.
    I was suddenly hot.I walked faster, stopped, looked all around me. Gosh I was lost.I tried to calm down and to return to the main street.
    "Is something wrong" someone asked in my back. I nearly yelled (c'est hurler des paroles, et alors le film "Scream" ne vous inspire rien ??).It was a short and plump woman."Uh...Where's the train station?" I stammed out (balbutier).
    "you are going to(à supprimer) the right way. Follow this lane . You go straight on"
    I thanked her, relieved. (l'apposition est utile car lègère et économe en mots)

    See you soon !






    Réponse: A mysterious place de fever01, postée le 01-09-2010 à 14:30:03 (S | E)
    Salut!!
    encore je comprends mieux mes fautes!! et celles que j'avais pas encore vues .
    je pense comprendre pourquoi believe dans ma phrase était inapproprié.

    Par contre je viens de me rendre compte que la premiére fois j'avais écrit "I went into the depths of ..." et vous m'aviez dit que c'était bizarre parce ça fait référence à "une profondeur verticale". J'ai lu récemment dans un texte litraire (bref non de moi) "in the depths of winter"

    Voilà Thanks and see you later.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 06-09-2010 07:16




    Réponse: A mysterious place de nevada, postée le 05-09-2010 à 23:39:51 (S | E)
    je suis censée poster une histoire que j'avais vécuE

    Le COD est avant le verbe avoir !!!


    Réponse: A mysterious place de nevada, postée le 05-09-2010 à 23:42:00 (S | E)
    Celles que j'avais pas encore vuES même faute !!!
    on écrit littéraire
    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 06-09-2010 07:19
    Merci pour votre participation; les fautes ont été corrigées.




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