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Correction/1st day at school
Message de lippow posté le 18-09-2010 à 14:16:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Bon, mon professeur d'anglais nous a donné une rédaction (140 mots) sur notre première journée de cours. Je l'ai faite, elle l'a lue et m'a dit que il y avait pas mal de fautes.
When, I awoke, the stress was already in me : fear of knowing anybody and not finding my class. At half past seven, i arrived at the high school : some pupils cried, other were delighted. I traversed (c'est moche et pense veut rien dire) the list and i felt small, i knew anybody. Gradually, the teacher called the pupils and i realized (repetition) in my class, there was nobody of last year. But suddenly,when i look "clémence" i realized(repetiton) that i knew a large majority of the class : all the people of the previous years. The hours passed (moche), some friendly ship (lien d'amitier) were formed with "the unknows" and with last friends. I was very glad by was joined again friendly with people of which i was scrambled. The teachers look sympatic and we did timetable, we read the rules in the morning. Ieat with friend. In the afternoon, the courses begin. When the 5 hours ringing resounded, i leave the high school cheerful.
Donc voilà ,j'aurais bien voulu que vous me corrigiez les fautes d'orthographe, de répétitions , de lexique ou autre. Le professeur note en fonction des idées, du lexique utilisé ( donc si vous avez de meilleurs mots) et de la grammaire...
Merci d'avance,
Lucas
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-09-2010 14:19
+ titre
Message de lippow posté le 18-09-2010 à 14:16:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Bon, mon professeur d'anglais nous a donné une rédaction (140 mots) sur notre première journée de cours. Je l'ai faite, elle l'a lue et m'a dit que il y avait pas mal de fautes.
When, I awoke, the stress was already in me : fear of knowing anybody and not finding my class. At half past seven, i arrived at the high school : some pupils cried, other were delighted. I traversed (c'est moche et pense veut rien dire) the list and i felt small, i knew anybody. Gradually, the teacher called the pupils and i realized (repetition) in my class, there was nobody of last year. But suddenly,when i look "clémence" i realized(repetiton) that i knew a large majority of the class : all the people of the previous years. The hours passed (moche), some friendly ship (lien d'amitier) were formed with "the unknows" and with last friends. I was very glad by was joined again friendly with people of which i was scrambled. The teachers look sympatic and we did timetable, we read the rules in the morning. Ieat with friend. In the afternoon, the courses begin. When the 5 hours ringing resounded, i leave the high school cheerful.
Donc voilà ,j'aurais bien voulu que vous me corrigiez les fautes d'orthographe, de répétitions , de lexique ou autre. Le professeur note en fonction des idées, du lexique utilisé ( donc si vous avez de meilleurs mots) et de la grammaire...
Merci d'avance,
Lucas
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-09-2010 14:19
+ titre
Réponse: Correction/1st day at school de notrepere, postée le 19-09-2010 à 05:10:01 (S | E)
Bonjour and Hello!When, [pas de virgule] I awoke, the stress was already in me: fear of knowing anybody [il faut dire: 'fear of not knowing anybody' ou 'fear of knowing nobody' and not finding my class. At half past seven, I arrived at the high school : [Too much use of the colon (deux-points). Use a period instead and start a new sentence.] Some pupils cried [past continuous], other [pluriel] were delighted. I traversed [Voyez: Lien Internet
#4, 8ème verbe dans la liste] the list and I felt small [pas le meilleur choix], [Mauvaise ponctuation: on doit mettre deux-points ici] I knew anybody [il faut dire 'nobody' ou 'I didn't know anybody'].
Gradually, the teacher called the pupils [mettez 'in my class' en cette place] and I realized [on peut dire: 'I grasped the fact that' ou 'I came to the realisation that'] there was nobody of [Je dirais: 'from'] last year. But suddenly, when i look "clémence" [il faut récrire cette partie de la phrase] I realized that I knew a large majority of the class: all [A 'majority' is not 'all'; how about 'many of'?] the people of (from) the previous years. The hours passed (moche) [Je ne le trouve pas moche], some friendly ship [Je ne comprends pas: 'un bateau'?] were formed with "the unknows [un autre mot]" and with last (previous) friends. I was very glad by was [
utilisez le verbe être en forme infinitive en anglais] joined [un autre verbe au passé: 'réunir'] again friendly with [les mots doivent être inversés] people of which [utilisez 'which' avec un objet et 'whom' avec une personne] I was scrambled [Bizarre; un autre verb]. Cordialement
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