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    Demande de correction

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

    [POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


    Demande de correction
    Message de laurannette posté le 22-02-2011 à 13:52:48 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour à tous,

    pouvez-vous m'aider pour la correction de ce petit texte s'il vous plaît? ?

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, many companies doors are closed if you don't have any diploma. The graduation is the first step because many companies make secondly passed any psychotechnical or languages tests. To fix the initial salary, they have a scale in function of the different schools. After, when you are entered in the world of work, you had still to prove yourself. It often after long years of work recognition that you comfortably earn one's living.

    En vous remerciant d'avance pour votre sympathie.

    Cordialement
    Anne

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2011 17:45



    Réponse: Demande de correction de peet370, postée le 22-02-2011 à 14:16:10 (S | E)

    Bonjour laurannette,

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, many companies doors are closed if you don't have any diploma. The graduation is the first step because many companies make secondly passed any psychotechnical or languages tests. To fix the initial salary, they have a scale in function of the different schools. After, when you are entered in the world of work, you had still to prove yourself. It often after long years of work recognition that you comfortably earn one's living.

    Cordialement
    Peet370
    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 24-02-2011 08:58
    Ce n'est pas une correction fiable,désolée.




    Réponse: Demande de correction de sherry48, postée le 22-02-2011 à 14:19:49 (S | E)
    In the second sentence-companies doors-consider whether it should be singular, plural, or possessive. For the next 2 sentences, you could make the second part clearer. For the rest, take another look at the verbs.



    Réponse: Demande de correction de laurannette, postée le 22-02-2011 à 16:34:55 (S | E)
    Thanks a lot to peet370 and sherry48 for your help for the correction. I will take your notifications into account.

    Best regards
    Anne



    Réponse: Demande de correction de laurannette, postée le 22-02-2011 à 17:20:34 (S | E)

    Sherry 48, j'ai effectué quelques modifications sur mon texte, peux-tu me dire si sans être toutefois parfait, cela n'est pas mieux ?


    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, many company’s doors are closed if you don’t have any diploma. The graduation is the first step in a professional career. Indeed, to be hired by the enterprises, a lot of them ask to pass supplementary psychotechnical or languages tests. The initial salary is often based on a wage scale of the different schools.
    Once entered in the world of work, you have still to prove yourself. It often after long years of work recognition that you comfortably earn one's living.

    En te remerciant par avance
    Cdt
    Anne



    Réponse: Demande de correction de notrepere, postée le 23-02-2011 à 06:53:55 (S | E)
    Hello

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, many company’s doors [maladroit: 'the doors of many companies' vaut mieux] are closed if you don’t have any diploma. The [A supprimer] graduation is the first step in a professional career. Indeed, to be hired by the enterprises [il ne va pas; à refaire], a lot of them ask to pass supplementary psychotechnical [je ne comprends pas] or languages tests. The initial salary is often based on a wage scale of the different schools [Do you mean that your wage is determined by which school you graduated from?].

    Once you have entered in the world of work ['the workforce' vaut mieux], you have still [avant le verbe] to prove yourself. It [verbe manquant] often after long years of (work) recognition that you can comfortably earn one's [expression: 'to earn a living] living.

    Cordialement



    Réponse: Demande de correction de laurannette, postée le 23-02-2011 à 11:13:24 (S | E)
    Hello notrepere,

    I thank you very much for your correction. It is very informative.
    I'll try to rewrite my text in function of yours remarks.

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, the doors of many companies are closed if you don’t have any diploma. Graduation is the first step in a professional career. Indeed, to be hired by the firms, it is often necessary to pass some additional psychotechnical or languages tests. The initial salary is often based on a wage scale of the different schools [Yes, the wage is function of which school you graduated from].
    Once you have entered in the workforce, you still have to prove yourself. It is often after long years of work recognition that you can comfortably earn a living.

    Thank you again for your help.
    Best regards



    Réponse: Demande de correction de notrepere, postée le 24-02-2011 à 07:13:39 (S | E)
    Hello

    It's much better now... A few little remarks

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. Indeed, the doors of many companies are closed if you don’t have any diploma (1). Graduation is the first step in a (2) professional career. Indeed (3), to be hired by the (4) firms, it is often necessary to pass some additional psychotechnical (5) or languages tests (6). The initial salary is often based on a wage scale of the different schools [Yes, the wage is function of which school you graduated from] (7).
    Once you have entered in [omit] the workforce, you still have to prove yourself. It is often after long years of work recognition that you can comfortably earn a living.

    (1) any diploma - in America, one earns a "high school diploma" (lycée) and college diploma. So if you say "any diploma", this is not quite accurate. Something like this might be clearer:

    In my opinion, having a college degree is important. In fact, the doors to many companies are closed if you don't have one/unless you have one.

    (2) I have noticed that prepositions vary between British and American English, so beware my advice. I would probably say:

    Graduation is the first step on the path to a professional career.

    (3) Beware repeating the same words and expressions.

    (4) "the" definite article seems to indicate that you have specific firms in mind. The passive voice makes your sentence less clear. Perhaps:

    Indeed, some firms will not hire you unless you pass additional ...

    (5) psychotechnical does not appear to be an English word. What do you mean by this?

    (6) languages tests. When "language" is used adjectivally, it is invariable. Do you mean foreign language tests? some firms will not hire you unless you pass ? and possess foreign language skills.

    (7) I would combine the two sentences together, if you can. It sounds like you are saying that it's not only important to get a college education but also to graduate from a school that will ensure that you get the highest salary possible.

    I hope my suggestions have helped you.

    Cordialement



    Réponse: Demande de correction de laurannette, postée le 24-02-2011 à 10:51:42 (S | E)
    Hello notrepere,

    of course your suggestions had really helped me.
    It was very instructive.

    To answer to one of your question : (5) psychotechnical definition

    Medical Dictionary

    psy·cho·tech·ni·cal definition
    Pronunciation: /ˌsī-kō-ˈtek-ni-kəl/
    also psy·cho·tech·nic Pronunciation: /-nik/
    Function: adj
    : of or relating or devoted to the practical applications (as industrial or military problems) of psychology

    In (6) : I wanted to say foreign language tests

    Thank you very much for your help. It's clearer for me now.

    Best regards
    Anne

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 28-02-2011 15:41



    Réponse: Demande de correction de sherry48, postée le 26-02-2011 à 02:07:36 (S | E)
    Hello,
    Sorry, I just saw your request for comments on your changes.
    I agree with the changes already suggested...such as a diploma, language tests, but I would say a firm rather than the firms.
    Of the different schools...I might say "depending on which school..."
    I thought maybe you wanted to say psychological? I have also not heard the word you used.
    The only other thing-"work recognition" still seems a little awkward to me.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 26-02-2011 08:37



    Réponse: Demande de correction de laurannette, postée le 28-02-2011 à 15:10:25 (S | E)
    Hello Sherry48,

    I thank you for your latest remarks and for having taking time to answer me. Have a good day,

    Best regards
    Anne

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 28-02-2011 15:40




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