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Correction /Vie d'un trappeur
Message de elodiie_92 posté le 26-10-2011 à 18:53:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis élève en 3eme et j'aurais besoin d'une petite correction suite à un devoir que j'ai fait sur la page d'un journal de bord d'un trappeur. Je me suis relue plusieurs fois mais mon niveau en anglais ne me permet pas d'être sûre de mon devoir.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide. Voici le texte:
It snowed, again! I couldn’t sleep that evening because I repaired my cabin’s roof that the snow had damaged. It was icy; the thermometer was about -4°F. So this morning, after I got dressed and ate my breakfast, I went to the met of the Indian tribe, the Nez Perce because I didn’t have any furs and I needed it. I took my bag, my boots, my hat and my rifle. I took 20 min before I could leave my home because the snow had blocked up the door! Once I was outside, I could see the wonderful view that it offered to me. A thick coat of snow covered the forests, the mountains and the valleys. It was terrible! Even the sky was white! In spite of this, it was atrociously cold! I went for longs hours of walk through the forest. I crossed some beavers, raccoons, fishes… Whereas I set up few traps I heard a respiration behind me. I was panicked but I kept my calm and I prepared my rifle slowly. I turn round, rifle in my hand, and I was face to face to a wolf. Then, one by one, ten wolfs went out to their hiding places and they stood behind their cattle’s leader. They grunted and they were hungry. Suddenly, the wolf’s leader jumped on me. During a fraction of second I was petrified by the fear. Then, I took control and, before it reached me, I took my rifle and I shot down it. A second young wolf much rash tried to bit my calf whereas the cattle were already left. I was so touched by this cub wolf who nibbled my pair of trousers that I gave it a piece of meat I had in my bag. I restarted to walk to the Indian village. The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indians’ camp. I saw my friend, Chief Joseph, a wise Indian and the chief of the band of Nez Perce. I exchange some furs, meat and blankets. Those Indians weren’t hostile. Then, I left, I walked along the icy river because I didn’t want to cross wolfs again! When I reached my wooden cabin I was numbed with cold but I was relieved! This day was excited but, finally, not really different from other because, when you are a trapper, every day are excited!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2011 20:00
Message de elodiie_92 posté le 26-10-2011 à 18:53:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis élève en 3eme et j'aurais besoin d'une petite correction suite à un devoir que j'ai fait sur la page d'un journal de bord d'un trappeur. Je me suis relue plusieurs fois mais mon niveau en anglais ne me permet pas d'être sûre de mon devoir.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide. Voici le texte:
It snowed, again! I couldn’t sleep that evening because I repaired my cabin’s roof that the snow had damaged. It was icy; the thermometer was about -4°F. So this morning, after I got dressed and ate my breakfast, I went to the met of the Indian tribe, the Nez Perce because I didn’t have any furs and I needed it. I took my bag, my boots, my hat and my rifle. I took 20 min before I could leave my home because the snow had blocked up the door! Once I was outside, I could see the wonderful view that it offered to me. A thick coat of snow covered the forests, the mountains and the valleys. It was terrible! Even the sky was white! In spite of this, it was atrociously cold! I went for longs hours of walk through the forest. I crossed some beavers, raccoons, fishes… Whereas I set up few traps I heard a respiration behind me. I was panicked but I kept my calm and I prepared my rifle slowly. I turn round, rifle in my hand, and I was face to face to a wolf. Then, one by one, ten wolfs went out to their hiding places and they stood behind their cattle’s leader. They grunted and they were hungry. Suddenly, the wolf’s leader jumped on me. During a fraction of second I was petrified by the fear. Then, I took control and, before it reached me, I took my rifle and I shot down it. A second young wolf much rash tried to bit my calf whereas the cattle were already left. I was so touched by this cub wolf who nibbled my pair of trousers that I gave it a piece of meat I had in my bag. I restarted to walk to the Indian village. The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indians’ camp. I saw my friend, Chief Joseph, a wise Indian and the chief of the band of Nez Perce. I exchange some furs, meat and blankets. Those Indians weren’t hostile. Then, I left, I walked along the icy river because I didn’t want to cross wolfs again! When I reached my wooden cabin I was numbed with cold but I was relieved! This day was excited but, finally, not really different from other because, when you are a trapper, every day are excited!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2011 20:00
Réponse: Correction /Vie d'un trappeur de notrepere, postée le 27-10-2011 à 04:49:41 (S | E)
Hello Très bien, il n'y a pas beaucoup de fautes.It snowed, again! I couldn’t sleep that evening (1) because I repaired my cabin’s roof that the snow had damaged (2). It was icy; the thermometer was about -4°F. So this morning, after I got dressed and ate my breakfast, I went to the met
of the Indian tribe, the Nez Percé because I didn’t have any furs and I needed it (3). I took my bag, my boots, my hat and my rifle. It took 20 min before I could leave my home because the snow had blocked up the door! Once I was outside, I could see the wonderful view that it offered to me. A thick coat of snow covered the forests, the mountains and the valleys. It was terrible! Even the sky was white! In spite of this, it was atrociously cold (4)! I went for longs hours of walk (5) through the forest. I crossed (6) some beavers, raccoons, fishes… Whereas I set up few traps I heard a respiration (7) behind me. I was panicked but I kept my calm and I prepared my rifle slowly. I turn (8) round, rifle in my hand, and I was face to face to (9) a wolf. Then, one by one, ten wolfs (10) went out to (9) their hiding places and they stood behind their cattle’s leader. They grunted (11) and they were hungry. Suddenly, the wolf’s (10) leader jumped on me. During a fraction of second I was petrified by the fear. Then, I took control and, before it reached me, I took my rifle and I shot down it (12). A second young wolf much rash (13) tried to bit (14) my calf whereas the cattle were already left (15). I was so touched by this cub wolf (12) who nibbled my pair of trousers that I gave it a piece of meat I had in my bag. I restarted to walk to the Indian village. The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indians’ camp. I saw my friend, Chief Joseph, a wise Indian and the chief of the band of Nez Perce. I exchange (8) some furs, meat and blankets. Those Indians weren’t hostile. Then, I left, I walked along the icy river because I didn’t want to cross wolfs (10) again! When I reached my wooden cabin I was numbed with cold but I was relieved! This day was excited (16) but, finally, not really different from en rouge = inutile
(1) la nuit = quoi ?
(2) Le sens n'est pas clair
(3) pas le bon mot; vous avez besoin de quoi ?
(4) il ne se dit pas ; le mot atrociously ne va pas
(5) il faut tourner la phrase autrement
(6) on dit 'came across'
(7) pas le bon mot
(8) temps à revoir
(9) mauvaise préposition
(10) pluriel irrégulier
(11) il faut un meilleur verbe
(12) ordre des mots
(13) mal dit
(14) conjugaison
(15) mauvais verbe
(16) forme 'ing'
(17) accorde
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Modifié par notrepere le 27-10-2011 04:50
Réponse: Correction /Vie d'un trappeur de aneth-estragon, postée le 27-10-2011 à 05:18:39 (S | E)
Bonjour Elodie, (and hello notrepere),
Un joli texte !
Je me demande si, lorsque vous écrivez "It was terrible", vous ne vouliez pas plutôt dire "It was terrific"? (sinon je ne comprends pas le "in spite of this" qui vient ensuite).
Cordialement
Aneth
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Modifié par aneth-estragon le 27-10-2011 08:59
Merci Lucile, vous avez raison, "terrific" est familier. Mais le mot français "terrible" (qui recouvre les 2 sens qui peuvent expliquer cette hypothétique confusion) est familier aussi dans cette acception. Lorsque Elodiie aura précisé son intention, vous ou notrepere pourrez la guider vers le vocabulaire adéquat.
Réponse: Correction /Vie d'un trappeur de lucile83, postée le 27-10-2011 à 08:01:54 (S | E)
Hello,
Dans ce cas précis il vaut mieux employer 'wonderful/marvellous/gorgeous/splendid' etc afin de lever toute ambiguité, d'autant plus que 'terrific' dans le sens de 'beau' est familier.
Réponse: Correction /Vie d'un trappeur de elodiie_92, postée le 27-10-2011 à 11:51:11 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour vos aides! En effet, par 'it was terrible' je voulais dire que c'était magnifique.
Réponse: Correction /Vie d'un trappeur de lucile83, postée le 27-10-2011 à 12:04:54 (S | E)
Helllo,
Donc vous avez le choix entre 'wonderful/marvellous/gorgeous/splendid'.
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