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    Correction/honeymoon

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/honeymoon
    Message de rom27 posté le 07-11-2011 à 00:54:34 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,

    je dois présenter un oral où je dois préparer la lune de miel en 10 jours d’un jeune couple (comme si je m’adressais à eux directemment).
    J’aimerais une correction s'il vous plaît en particulier autour des temps (même si le futur n’est pas trop compliqué il y a quelques subtilités sur son emploiqui m’échappent.
    Je posterai les 4 derniers jours demain.
    Et je vous remercie d’avance pour vos corrections !

    Hello, for your honeymoon i have chosen a destination which mix pleasure and romanticism whith a small dose of adventure: the Republic of Cuba!
    Cuba is the biggest island of the Antilles with its beautiful seashore, its colored cities offers to you a paradisiac travel. You will travel on all the north coast of Cuba.

    You’re going to travel by air from Roissy to Santa Marta airport in Varadero, it’s a non stop-flight. The flight will last 10 hours and there is a jet lag of 6 hours.

    So, the first day you will rest and unpack your luggage to the Hotel Cuatro palmain Varadero. This hotel by the sea with its palm trees, its swimming pool and comfortable room offers to you much activities which should correspond to a young couple as your.
    During the first three days you can benefit of its paradisiac beaches of white sand. Varadero is the most beautiful and most famous beach in Cuba.
    There are many activities as golf or water sports. It is a very tourist place with restaurants, cabarets and discoteques.
    Every evening you will spend crazy night to dance the cha-cha-cha or simply to rest your self by the sea and drinking some rum.

    But to escape at the mass of tourists, what is better than a small excursion in a Cuban forest?
    Also, the fourth day you will pass by Matanzas, a city very marked by the French architecture, to reach the Peninsula of Zapata.
    Here, you will see one of the ecosystems there the most mattering of Cuba and the variety of the flora and the fauna will transport you towards other heavens/skies.

    For the fifth and sixth day you go to discover the heart of Cuba Havana You will take a bus to go there, and you will stay at the hotel habana libre.
    Capital offers you many cultural and tourist guided tour.
    You can see the place of the revolution, the grave of cristophe colomb or even Ernest Hemingway's armchair! There are also numerous activities for the tourists who will leave you full of unforgettable memories.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2011 08:00
    -------------------
    Modifié par rom27 le 07-11-2011 11:45



    Réponse: Correction/honeymoon de rom27, postée le 07-11-2011 à 13:36:16 (S | E)
    Voici la suite, en vous remerciant d'avance.

    After Havana, you will go to leave for Pinard el Rio for two days. This region in the northeast of Cuba have magnificent site. You can drip the wine of the Valle de Viñales declared Cultural Landscape of the Humanity by UNESCO. Then, you will meet under the magnificent waterfall of Soroa and to see its tree nursery of orchids. You can also visit traditional plantation of coffee and tobacco of Cuba.
    The ninth day you will go to romantic Cayo Largo on the virgin and protected beaches(ranges). There is many nautical activities, and you will plunge to admire coral reefs with their fauna and varied flora.

    Finally for the last day it is better to return to havana to leave quietly Cuba. You will take off from the international airport José Marti.
    But at first, you will could buy some souvenirs for instance, famous Cuban cigar or do other things for which you did not have time (as send postcard to friends and family).
    Finally you could return and begin your life of sad and boring couple.

    Concerning money you will exchange your euro only in the official currency exchange service! Do not forget to keep 25 pesos for the tax of return.
    Above all, never take part to a political demonstration, bring no book who speaks about politics, they very may on the subversive literature.
    I wish you a good honeymoon!




    Réponse: Correction/honeymoon de gerondif, postée le 07-11-2011 à 14:11:24 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    vous donnez l'impression de traduire mot-à-mot et en gardant l'ordre des mots français une brochure toute faite, ça manque de naturel et de fluidité.

    Hello, for your honeymoon i have chosen a destination which mix(3ème personne) pleasure and romanticism whith a small dose of adventure: the Republic of Cuba!
    Cuba is the biggest island of the Antilles with its beautiful seashore, its colored cities offers to you a paradisiac travel. You will travel on all the north coast of Cuba.

    You’re going to travel by air from Roissy to Santa Marta airport in Varadero, it’s a non stop-flight. The flight will last 10 hours and there is a jet lag of 6 hours.

    So, the first day you will rest and unpack your luggage to the Hotel Cuatro palmain Varadero. This hotel by the sea with its palm trees, its swimming pool and comfortable room offers to(verbe transitif) you much activities which should correspond to a young couple as your.
    During the first three days you can benefit of its paradisiac beaches of white sand. Varadero is the most beautiful and most famous beach in Cuba.
    There are many activities as golf or water sports. It is a very tourist place with restaurants, cabarets and discoteques.
    Every evening you will spend(+ ing) crazy night(singulier ou pluriel) to dance the cha-cha-cha or simply to rest your self by the sea and drinking some rum.

    But to escape at the mass of tourists, what is better than a small excursion in a Cuban forest?
    Also, the fourth day you will pass by Matanzas, a city very marked by the French architecture, to reach the Peninsula of Zapata.
    Here, you will see one of the ecosystems there the most mattering of Cuba and the variety of the flora and the fauna will transport you towards other heavens/skies.(variante typique d'un traducteur automatique ?

    For the fifth and sixth day you go to discover the heart of Cuba Havana You will take a bus to go there, and you will stay at the hotel habana libre.
    *** (article)Capital offers you many cultural and tourist guided tour.
    You can see the place of the revolution, the grave of cristophe colomb or even Ernest Hemingway's armchair! There are also numerous activities for the tourists who(ce ne sont pas les touristes mais les activités qui vous laisseront....) will leave you full of (beaucoup de , pas rempli de)unforgettable memories.




    Réponse: Correction/honeymoon de gerondif, postée le 07-11-2011 à 14:15:41 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    attention à ce que vous écrivez: to drip: goutter pour un robinet. to taste: goûter un plat.

    After Havana, you will go to leave for Pinard el Rio for two days. This region in the northeast of Cuba have magnificent site. You can drip the wine of the Valle de Viñales declared Cultural Landscape of the Humanity by UNESCO. Then, you will meet under the magnificent waterfall of Soroa and to see its tree nursery of orchids. You can also visit traditional plantation(pluriel) of coffee and tobacco of Cuba.
    The ninth day you will go to romantic Cayo Largo on the virgin and protected beaches(ranges)(choix typique d'un traducteur). There is many nautical (plutôt water)activities, and you will plunge(to plunge ou to dive?) to admire coral reefs with their fauna and varied flora.

    Finally for the last day it is better to return to havana to leave quietly Cuba. You will take off from the José Marti international airport .
    But at first, you will could buy some souvenirs for instance, famous Cuban cigar(pluriel) or do other things for which you did not have time (as send postcard to friends and family).
    Finally you could return and begin your life of ***(article)sad and boring couple.

    Concerning money you will exchange(ne va pas pour l'argent, changer, pas échanger) your euro only in the official currency exchange service! Do not forget to keep 25 pesos for the tax of return.
    Above all, never take part to a political demonstration, bring no book who speaks(un livre n'a pas de cordes vocales) about politics, they(are) very may(quel sens?) on the subversive literature.
    I wish you a good honeymoon!

    ah j'ai compris: ils sont très susceptibles sur la littérature subversive, le problème c'est que may signifie:
    He may come: il se peut qu'il vienne, il est susceptible de venir. Ce n'est pas le même !!!





    Réponse: Correction/honeymoon de rom27, postée le 07-11-2011 à 21:29:20 (S | E)
    Je vous remercie pour vos réponses. En effet, j'ai fait appel à un traducteur pour bon nombre de passages (mais "heavens/skies" correspond juste aux deux termes entre lesquels j'hésite).
    J'ai beaucoup de mal à sortir d'un raisonnement en français surtout pour un sujet aussi spécifique mais, je n'ai traduit aucune brochure. En revanche, vous avez raison, pour un oral il vaudrait mieux que ce soit plus fluide. Je vais tenter de faire des phrases plus courtes.
    Par contre je n'arrive pas à comprendre le ing "Every evening you will spend(+ ing) crazy night", pourquoi ing à cet endroit?

    Si je doute vraiment encore de ma correction je la posterais mais, j'espère pouvoir m'en tirer tout seul avec vos conseils.
    Merci encore.

    -------------------
    Modifié par rom27 le 07-11-2011 21:29
    -------------------
    Modifié par rom27 le 07-11-2011 21:49
    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2011 22:27



    Réponse: Correction/honeymoon de gerondif, postée le 07-11-2011 à 22:13:07 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,
    exemple: I spent ten minutes correcting your essay.
    You will spend the entire night dancing.




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