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    Immigration/exposé

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Immigration/exposé
    Message de calm30bis posté le 29-01-2012 à 19:07:34 (S | E | F)
    Bonsoir à tous,

    Voici un texte sur l'immigration des russes vers les Etats Unis.
    Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'indiquer les erreurs grammaticales ou autres fautes afin de présenter un document correct et sympa à l'oral? .
    Merci pour votre aide.

    My grandfather first emigratded to America because he needed to leave Minsk in Russia where Jews were persecuted and submitted bad treatments.

    It was the country of unfairness & unjustness for themas he was a Jewish, it was obviously better to flee.
    He left in 1910 when my father was an infant in order to start a brand new life in the land of freedom and prosperity : The United States. He had to travel on his own, alone because the family did not have enought money to travel together and pay the crossing for everyone.
    My father often tells me about his parents & their immigration. I know that, like most of peoplewho have emigrated to the US, my grandfather first arrived to Elis Island in NYC.
    His name was turn into another one easier to pronounce. So he has been officialy called Max iller instead of Myor Mishkam by the american state.
    In America, ke worked very hard as a blue collar in a shoe factory in order to save up money to provide his family and to pay it the fare to go to America.
    Two years after, my grandmother also decided to join him in the US with my father. He was then two years old. Her journey was long and complicated. She apparently first went to Germany in Dusseldorf in order to visit her sister to say her goodbye before leaving.
    She was scared to never see her again. Sha was right because unfortunately my greataunt died with all her family during the second world war in being exterminated by Nazis in the holocaust.
    After that, my grandfacther went to Southampton England to catch the boat going to the US.
    However, she missed the boat on which she was looked up : the Titanic. Thus, given the Titanic's tragic story, she had been very lucky !
    So she waited and Tock the next one. After this long trip, she finally arrived at NYC.
    There, she has searched for someone who could take her to Brooklyn, where my grandfather was living. She could only speak Russian so it was a bit difficult to be understood.
    But eventually, she managed & arrived at Brooklyn to join him. However, he was working at this moment so she has waited for my grandfather.
    When he sees her, he was very moved upset and astonished. He did not expected to see her again because he has believed she was dead in the Titanic.

    Merci beacuoup pour votre retour
    Je pense qu'il y a des expressions telles que "However" et "After that" que je répète souvent;que me proposez-vous?
    Merci beaucoup

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2012 19:13


    Réponse: Immigration/exposé de delf2312, postée le 31-01-2012 à 01:29:41 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    My grandfather first emigratded to America because he needed to leave Minsk in Russia where Jews were persecuted and submitted to bad treatments. (ou suffered bad treatments)

    It was the country of unfairness & unjustness (ces 2 mots signifient la même chose non) for them as he (1) was a Jewish, it was obviously better to flee.
    He left in 1910 when my father was an infant in order to start a brand (veut dire 'flambant neuf', ne s'utilisera donc pas dans ce contexte. Mais j'admire l'effort d'incorporer des expressions idiomatiques) new life in (on) the land of freedom and prosperity : The United States. He had to travel on his own, (= alone) because the family did not have enought money to travel all together and pay the crossing for everyone.
    My father often tells me stories about his parents & their immigration. I know that, like most of people (2) who have emigrated to the US, my grandfather first arrived to Elis Island in NYC.
    His name was turned (passif) into another one easier to pronounce. So he has been officialy called Max iller instead of Myor Mishkam by the American state.(3)
    In America, ke worked very hard as a blue collar in a shoe factory in order to save up money to provide his family (4) and to pay for the fare for them to go to America.
    Two years after, my grandmother also decided to join him (1) in the US with my father. He was then two years old. Her journey was long and complicated. She apparently first went to Germany in Dusseldorf in order to visit her sister to say her (5) goodbye before leaving.
    She was scared of never seeing her again. Sha was right because unfortunately, my greataunt died with all her family during the second world war in being rminated by Nazis in the holocaust.
    After that, my grandfacther (mother??) went to Southampton in England to catch the boat going to the US.
    However, she missed the boat on which she was looked up (que veux tu dire?): the Titanic. Thus, given the Titanic's tragic story, she had been (pourquoi tu passe au plus que parfait tout à coup ?) very lucky !
    So she waited and Tock the next one. After this long trip, she finally arrived at NYC.
    There, she has searched for someone who could take her to Brooklyn, where my grandfather was living. She could only speak Russian so it was a bit difficult to be understood.
    But eventually, she managed & arrived at Brooklyn to join him. However, he was working at this moment so she has waited for my grandfather.
    When he sees (temps !) her, he was very moved, upset and astonished. He did not expected to see her again because he has believed she was dead in the Titanic.

    (1) Attention aux pronoms 'ils' et 'elles', certes, ils évitent parfois les répétitions mais au bout d'un moment on ne sait plus à qui ces pronoms réfèrent.
    (2) Most people ou bien most of the people mais pas most of people
    (3) Contrairement à ce qu'on a en français, il y a toujouts une majuscule aux adjectifs de nationalité
    (4) subvenir aux besoins de quelqu'un = to provide for somebody
    fournir quelque chose à quelqu'un = to provide somebody with something
    (5) dire quelque chose à quelqu'un = to say something to somoeone // to tell somebody something eg: he said goodbye to me, he told me the truth

    En tout cas, c'est une belle histoire. Tu dois sûrement avoir l'impression d'avoir fait beaucoup d'erreurs, mais c'est parce que tu as beaucoup écrit. De plus, tu utilise beaucoup d'expressions idiomatiques et c'est très bien.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 31-01-2012 06:32



    Réponse: Immigration/exposé de traviskidd, postée le 31-01-2012 à 11:28:30 (S | E)
    Bonjour, j'interviens juste pour dire que "brand new life" me semble tout à fait bon, et aussi pour dire que Minsk est en Biélorussie, pas en Russie. (Vous pouvez dire "the Soviet Union" si cela vous convient.)

    See you.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 31-01-2012 12:12



    Réponse: Immigration/exposé de delf2312, postée le 31-01-2012 à 19:56:15 (S | E)
    Merci Traviskidd, je vais ajouter 'brand new life' à mon répertoire dans ce cas.




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