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    Corrections / essay

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Corrections / essay
    Message de rob13 posté le 04-04-2013 à 00:29:18 (S | E | F)
    Hello everyone,

    this is my first time here. I wrote an essay and even if I checked if there were mistakes, I think there are still some. Here are some parts of my essay, could you please correct me when I think I am wrong. I wrote in red the things I think I am wrong about. Thank you very much.

    GM food is made from organisms (cereals, fruits and vegetables, animals,etc.) that have been genetically modified (their DNA has been changed) to obtain new properties and improve their quality or their development. For example, some varieties of cereals, as soy or wheat, can be genetically engineered to grow faster so they are more readily available to the customers and can meet the demand of the increasing world population.

    (...)

    Firstly, we don't know the exact effects on health of each variety of GM food. The first kinds of GM food were produced and available to consumers in the early 1990s. But some scientists consider that 20 years are not enough to determine precisely the long-term effects of the GM food on human beings : it may be directly harmful to consumers as they age or could have effects on several generations (non-sense?)

    Furthermore, most of the research on GM food safety is led and funded by the laboratories which produce GM food themselves, claiming without a doubt that there is no risk to health at all. But I find this suspicious especially as many other independent scientific articles have been proving the opposite. Of course, GM food companies have a vested interest in keeping a secret that would cause people to stop eating this kind of food.
    [Concordance des temps] Thus in 2010, the former director of the Indian subsidiary of Monsanto (a biotechnology company) denounced the firm which used to fake scientific data submitted to government agencies to get commercial agreements for its products. This information is extremely shocking and scandalous because it would mean that the firm disrespects and tarnishes scientific neutrality, lying deliberately and risking the lives of millions of people.

    (...)

    Many GM Food advocates consider that the ratio benefits/risks of GM Food is in favor of benefits so we can eat with the least possible risk. But this is not about drugs but about food! Feeding is an essential and vital need of the human being ! Therefore, I think we shouldn't authorize GM food at all when we start questioning ourselves about that ratio benefits/risks, this clearly implies that there are risks.

    (...)

    In addition to health effects, effects on the environment exist. Most of GMO are associated to herbicides that kills every non-GM plant in the crops, so only GM plants remain because of their herbicides resistance gene. But, those herbicides can be very dangerous and contain many harmful chemical substances as glyphosate, as in the unfortunately famous Roundup herbicide (non-sense?), whose toxicity has been proved.

    (...)

    Such herbicides have a big responsibility in the disappearance of bees as it makes them confused and disoriented : they can't find their way back to the hive, and so die.

    By manipulating genomes from plants to make food easier to produce, scientists freeze the genetic heritage of those plants, preventing natural selection and the emergence of new species. In my opinion, GM Food companies shouldn't think of themselves as the masters of nature but rather let it flourish as it should (smth missing?)

    (...)

    Finally, I think the main reason why (sense?) food is being genetically modified nowadays appears to increase productivity/make (the) productivity increase, so profits could increase as well. For example, most of the GM Food companies make their seeds sterile by adding a gene called 'terminator' to their plants, which forces farmers to buy them new seeds for life as plants can't repoduce normally. I do not think it's okay/I do not agree/I have agreed with the fact to use/of using food as a way to earn more and more profits even if it seems to be the way industries operate today.

    Evidence of economic interests by the GM Food companies would simply be the existence of pro-GM food lobbies. By definition, a lobby represents and defends the interests of a particular group directly or indirectly by influencing decisions. Those lobbies pay off people at the heart of large government organizations such as the European Union so those can speak in favor of legalisation of GM food, throughout the European Union for example.

    (...)

    As gray areas persist, people should avoid what they consider(right verb?) questionable, in this case avoiding GM food until the truth is formally and independantly established.(Is this conclusion sentence english?)


    THANKS A LOT! ROB13

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 04-04-2013 08:47


    Réponse: Corrections / essay de sherry48, postée le 06-04-2013 à 04:52:22 (S | E)
    Hello.
    GM food is made from organisms (cereals, fruits and vegetables, animals,etc.) that have been genetically modified (their DNA has been changed) to obtain new properties and improve their quality or their development. For example, some varieties of cereals, __ as soy or wheat, can be genetically engineered to grow faster so they are more readily available to the customers and can meet the demand of the increasing world population.

    (...)

    Firstly, we don't know the exact effects on health of each variety of GM food. The first kinds of GM food were produced and available to consumers in the early 1990s. But some scientists consider that 20 years are not enough to determine precisely the long-term effects of the GM food on human beings : it may be directly harmful to consumers as they age or could have effects on several generations (You could use a different word here).

    Furthermore, most of the research on GM food safety is led and funded by the laboratories which produce GM food themselves, claiming without a doubt that there is no risk to health at all. But I find this suspicious especially as many other independent scientific articles have been proving the opposite. Of course, GM food companies have a vested interest in keeping a secret that would cause people to stop eating this kind of food.
    [Concordance des temps] Thus in 2010, the former director of the Indian subsidiary of Monsanto (a biotechnology company) denounced the firm which used to fake scientific data submitted to government agencies (word order)to get commercial agreements for its products. This information is extremely shocking and scandalous because it would mean that the firm disrespects and tarnishes scientific neutrality, lying deliberately and risking the lives of millions of people.

    (...)

    Many GM Food advocates consider that the ratio __ benefits __risks of GM Food is in favor of benefits so we can eat with the least possible risk. But this is not about drugs but about food! Feeding(nourriture?) is an essential and vital need of the human being_ ! Therefore, I think we shouldn't authorize GM food at all when we start questioning ourselves about that ratio benefits/risks, this clearly implies that there are risks. (This sentence might be better if you start with...When we start questioning...)

    (...)

    In addition to health effects, effects on the environment exist. (You could state this more simply). Most of GMO are associated to herbicides that kills every non-GM plant in the crops, so only GM plants remain because of their herbicides resistance gene. But, those herbicides can be very dangerous and contain many harmful chemical substances as glyphosate, as in the unfortunately famous Roundup herbicide (non-sense?), whose toxicity has been proved.

    (...)

    Such herbicides have a big responsibility (I would use the verb to be here.)in the disappearance of bees as it makes them confused and disoriented : they can't find their way back to the hive, and so die.

    By manipulating genomes from plants to make food easier to produce, scientists freeze the genetic heritage of those plants, preventing natural selection and the emergence of new species. In my opinion, GM Food companies shouldn't think of themselves as the masters of nature but rather let it flourish as it should (smth missing?)(Can you develop this point more?)

    (...)

    Finally, I think the main reason why (that?) food is being genetically modified nowadays appears to increase productivity/make (the) productivity increase, so profits could increase as well. ( Finally, increased productivity...?)For example, most of the GM Food companies make their seeds sterile by adding a gene called 'terminator' to their plants, which forces farmers to buy them new seeds for life as plants can't repoduce normally. I do not think it's okay/I do not agree/I have agreed with the fact to use/of using food as a way to earn more and more profits even if it seems to be the way industries operate today. (Using food as a way to earn...?)

    Evidence of economic interests by the GM Food companies would simply be the existence of pro-GM food lobbies. By definition, a lobby represents and defends the interests of a particular group directly or indirectly by influencing decisions. Those lobbies pay off people at the heart of large government organizations such as the European Union so those can speak in favor of legalisation of GM food, throughout the European Union for example.

    (...)

    As gray areas persist, people should avoid what they consider(right verb?) questionable, in this case avoiding GM food until the truth is formally and independantly established. (You could probably improve your conclusion). I'm running out of space!
    Sherry



    Réponse: Corrections / essay de haaroult, postée le 06-04-2013 à 09:20:46 (S | E)
    pas mal le site je cherche depuis longtemps :D




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