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    Correction /meeting parents

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction /meeting parents
    Message de cheima123 posté le 07-05-2013 à 16:50:33 (S | E | F)
    Hello,
    J'ai une rédaction à faire pour la rentrée en anglais et j'aimerais savoir si j'ai commis des fautes ;)
    Les mots personnels seront remplacés par : XXX
    Merci d'avance pour votre aide.

    Introduction :My name is XXX, I am XXX and XXX. One day, I met a young XXX woman named Eden at a conference on racial discrimination. We talked together and I fell in love with her. We put together then I converted to XXX.

    Eden and I were very glad. I loved her and she felt the same way. The problem was we wanted something more concrete. I wanted to move into an apartment, I wanted to make her my wife and then having children. I needed to present her to my parents. They were not aware she is XXX and even less that I converted to XXX. It was an opportunity to tell them. I invited Eden to dinner with us on Monday evening. I dreeded this evening all week. I knew exactly what was going to happen that night. I was worried. I was afraid to the idea to tell them the new. I hoped they take it as a good new but deep inside me, I knew very well that it was a horrible new for them.
    On Sunday, I could nnot sleep, I was too anxious.
    The next day, I went to work. I had a lunch with Eden. We talked about the dinner of this night. She reassured me. She was so cute. I throught I took the best decision.
    Arrived home, it was seven o'clock p.m ; Eden had to arrive in about half an hour. I prepared myself, I wore fancy clothes like a tuxedo and I scented Eden's favourite perfume.
    After a few minutes, the doorbell rang. I went to open the door. It was her.
    I kissed her and my mother came :
    - « Hello Eden, I'm glad to meet you. My son has told me so much about you ! »
    - « I am delighted to meet you too Madam. I must say that your son is remarkably the most carinf of men I saw from now. »
    -« So I think he doesn't keep of his father, isn't he ? »
    She smiled. My mother is very welcoming.
    -« Let me enjoy, call me Fatima. We belong to the same family now. »
    After their brief discussion, my mother returned to finish cooking the meal. My father wasn't yet comed back from work.I went around of house to Eden then we went to my bedroom.
    -« I love your mother, told Eden. She is very cheerful and she put me immediatly at ease ! »
    -« It's because she doesn't yet know the new »
    That is how I called my conversion to XXX. I called it the new. A good new for me. A bad new for my parents. I just called it the new.
    -«Don't worry, I'm sure your parents will understand. They seem open-minded. »
    -« They seem open-minded but actually they are narrow-minded.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 07-05-2013 18:18


    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de notrepere, postée le 07-05-2013 à 18:41:28 (S | E)
    Hello

    Eden and I were very glad. I loved her and she felt the same way. The problem was we wanted something more concrete. I wanted to move into an apartment, I wanted to make her my wife and then having children. I needed to present her to my parents. They were not aware she is XXX and even less that I converted to XXX. It was an opportunity to tell them. I invited Eden to dinner(verbe) with us on Monday evening. I dreeded(orthographe) this evening all week. I knew exactly what was going to happen that night. I was worried. I was afraid to(autre préposition) the idea to tell them the news. I hoped they wouldtake it as a good news but deep inside me, I knew very well that it was a horrible news for them.



    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de cheima123, postée le 07-05-2013 à 19:12:49 (S | E)
    Hello

    Eden and I were very glad. I loved her and she felt the same way. The problem was we wanted something more concrete. I wanted to move into an apartment, I wanted to make her my wife and then to have children. I needed to present her to my parents. They were not aware she is XXX and even less that I converted to XXX. It was an opportunity to tell them. I invited Eden to have dinner with us on Monday evening. I knew exactly what was going to happen that night. I was worried. I was afraid of the idea to tell them the news. I hoped they would take it as good news but deep inside me, I knew very well that it was horrible news for them.

    Merci beaucoup



    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de notrepere, postée le 07-05-2013 à 19:53:39 (S | E)
    Bonjour

    Bon travail

    Eden and I were very glad. I loved her and she felt the same way. The problem was we wanted something more concrete. I wanted to move into an apartment, I wanted to make her my wife and then to have children. I needed to introduce her to my parents. They were not aware she is XXX and even less that I converted to XXX. It was an opportunity to tell them. I invited Eden to have dinner with us on Monday evening. I knew exactly what was going to happen that night. I was worried. I was afraid of the idea to tell (of + verbe en forme -ing) them the news. I hoped they would take it as good news but deep inside me, I knew very well that it was horrible news for them.

    On Sunday, I could nnot sleep, I was too anxious.
    The next day, I went to work. I had a lunch with Eden. We talked about the dinner of this night. She reassured me. She was so cute. I throught I took the best decision.
    Arrived home, it was seven o'clock p.m(il faut tourner la phrase autrement) ; Eden had to arrived in about half an hour. I prepared myself, I wore fancy clothes like a tuxedo and I scented Eden's favourite perfume.
    After a few minutes, the doorbell rang. I went to open the door. It was her.



    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de cheima123, postée le 07-05-2013 à 22:57:00 (S | E)
    Hello,
    I was afraid the idea telling them the news. Wa talked about the dinner which will take place tonight. I throught I had taken the best decision. It was seven o'clock p.m when I arrived at home. Eden would come in about hakf an hour (pas sur du temps de la phrase). I put Eden's favourite perfume on me.
    Merci beaucoup, et si tu trouves d'autres fautes, n'hésite pas



    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de notrepere, postée le 07-05-2013 à 23:52:32 (S | E)
    Hello

    I was afraid the idea telling them the news (1). Wa talked about the dinner which will take place tonight. I throught I had taken (2) the best decision. It was seven o'clock p.m when I arrived at home. Eden would come came in about hakf an hour later (pas sur du temps de la phrase). I put on Eden's favourite perfume.

    (1) You could say: I was afraid of the idea of telling them the news, but turning the sentence around, it would be better to say: The idea of telling them the news frightened me.
    (2) Decisions are not "taken" they are "made". Désolé, to take a decision is OK in , je me suis trompé.

    After a few minutes, the doorbell rang. I went to open the door. It was her.
    I kissed her and my mother came :
    - « Hello Eden, I'm glad to meet you. My son has told me so much about you ! »
    - « I am delighted to meet you too, Madam. I must say that your son is remarkably the most carinf of men I saw from now. »
    -« So I think he doesn't keep of his father, isn't(aux. 'do') he ? »
    She smiled. My mother is very welcoming.
    -« Let me enjoy you, call me Fatima. We belong to the same family now. »
    After their brief discussion, my mother returned to finish cooking the meal. My father wasn't yet comed back from work.I went around of the house to Eden then we went to my bedroom.
    -« I love your mother, said Eden. She is very cheerful and she put me immediatley at ease ! »
    -« It's because she doesn't yet know the news »
    That is what I called my conversion to XXX. I called it the news. Good news for me. Bad news for my parents. I just called it the news.
    -«Don't worry, I'm sure your parents will understand. They seem open-minded. »
    -« They seem open-minded but actually they are narrow-minded.

    -------------------
    Modifié par notrepere le 10-05-2013 04:49





    Réponse: Correction /meeting parents de cheima123, postée le 08-05-2013 à 11:21:08 (S | E)
    Hello,
    I was afraid the idea telling them the news ---> J'étais effrayé à l'idée de leur dire la nouvelle
    I thought I had chosen the best decision.
    The most caring of men I saw from now --> Le plus attentionné des hommes que j'ai vu jusqu'à maintenant
    So I think he doesn't take after his father, doesn't he ?
    My father wasn't yet come back from work. I went around the house to Eden then we went to my bedroom.
    Let me enjoy you, call me fatima --> Fais moi plasir, appelle moi Fatima.





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