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Message de jobelin posté le 10-05-2014 à 12:28:38 (S | E | F)
je passe l'oral du bac mardi et j'aimerais savoir ce que vous pensez de ma notion,
merci pour votre aide.
Hello, I’m going to talk about the notion of seats and forms of power. First of all, I would like to give a definition of power; power is the ability to control others, events or resources. To illustrate the notion, I will broach the subject of India; we are going to try to see the dark sides of India with the gendercide and the power of the religion. I have chosen two documents, one recording “India’s girl go missing” and an excerpt from a novel “An unsuitable boy”. The first document talks about the gendercide of Indian girls and women, the second is about a forbidden love between an Indian girl and a Muslim boy.
To start, the document “India’s girls go missing” is composed of a photograph and a record. The photograph is an upper campaign poster. It shows the face of an Indian baby girl who stands out against the blurred image of Indians women wearing traditional saris and hiding under their veil. The photograph focuses on the facts of many Indian girls and women who disappear at birth or later.
Indeed, in 2011, there were 940 girls aged 6 and under for every 1000 boys. 600 000 girls go missing every years. They suffer of gendercide such as infanticide, murders etc …
Now; the record is an interview that explains why there is a gendercide. Indian family prefers having a boy than a girl because they are financially far more attractive. Indeed, a boy can keep the name of the family and look after the family business. So there is more and more abortion despite it's illegal because the bride’s family has to pay the dowry at bridegroom’s family.
This document shows the inequality of girls against boys who are far more attractive financially in India. Indian family are ready for anything, even kill their baby girl to keep their power.
To continue, we will talk about the second document “An unsuitable boy” which is an extract of a best-seller. The novel is about the daily life of Indian family after the independence of India and it deals with marriage. Lata is having a phone conversation with her friend Malati during the dinner. They are talking about the boy she is in love with, but Malati broke a bad news to Lata, he is a Muslim and the Hindu and Muslim don’t get on well. At the lime of the Independence, Muslim had to settle in India and Hindus to stay in India. If Lata’s parents knew about it they would be upset, that’s why the two teenagers have to hide. Malati didn’t want to break the news to Lata, because she didn’t want to make unfortunate her friend. When Lata discover the news, that she couldn’t see again the boy she loves, she crushed, she was miserable. Finally, her sister overhear the conversation, although she is not interested has what arrived has her sister, Lata have to stop the call, because of her parents. Here, we can see that religion has power over people forbidding then relationship with people of other religion.
In both documents, we can see two set of power. The power of parents who are ready to kill their baby girl, just for reasons financial. Or the religion’s power which is very powerful in India. I think that India has to develop so that the situation overturns.
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-05-2014 19:20
Réponse: Bac/ lieux et formes pouvoir de bluduck2, postée le 10-05-2014 à 14:16:30 (S | E)
Hello jobelin !
Je suggère de relire votre présentation
§1 ligne 1. "girl" doit apparaître au pluriel
§2 ligne 1 je suggère "made up of "plutôt que "composed"
vous avez dû oublier un mot après "upper"
ligne 2 adjectif "Indian" (devant "women ):invariable
ligne 2 "on the fact (that) ...pas de pronom relatif ensuite
ligne 4 every year (singulier)
ligne 4 la construction de "to suffer" est incorrecte ,remplacez par "sont victimes de"
ligne 5 article "an" devant "Indian family" ;précisez "boys" pour "they".
ligne 6 More and more+nom au pluriel
ligne 6 Revoir la construction avec "despite" , sinon employez "although"
ligne 7 to pay s.o.sthg
ligne 8,pour éviter la répétition de "financial opportunity",pensez à dire que "girls are a burden"
§3 ligne 3 a piece of bad news
Erreur sur les Musulmans à corriger :Muslims had to settle in Pakistan (East and West of India at the time of the partition.
ligne 5 Verbes au simple past (to discover,to overhear,to be crushed)
ligne 6 to make s.o. unhappy ;chercher se passer ,se produire,pour un événement.
ligne 7 un autre =another
dans la conclusion : "set" doit être mis au pluriel
financial est un adjectif,il se place avant le nom et il est invariable
choisissez un autre verbe que "overturn"
I hope this helps !!
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-05-2014 19:22
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