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    Correction / immigration

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction / immigration
    Message de dadoush35 posté le 17-05-2014 à 15:12:32 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,
    j'ai préparé mon oral sur la notion "Espaces et Echanges" que j'ai fait sur l'immigration. Pourriez-vous me dire s'il y a des erreurs, si c'est assez long? Je vous mets juste le développement, car il ne faut pas abuser
    Merci pour votre aide !

    I – The origine of immigration.
    First of all we will see the origine of immigration. The immigration, can be define by the process of intering another country in order to live there. People migrate because they don’t find a job or maybe they don’t earn enough money because of the global economic crisis, they want to reside in a country where it seems easier to live. Maybe they leave their country in so as to escape war or to enjoy better weather. Unless they are maybe political refugee or they moove to follow their company. We can illustrate two of this example throught a still from a movie : Brick Lane. This document is about Nazneen. She leaves Bengladesh for London because her family has arranged a marriage to Shanuu, in London, a 42 year-old man. She leaves her father and her sister behind. Her mother committed suicide. She must have felt helpless and hopeless. She went there to have a better life. She would become richer with a rich husband in the UK. It's finaly for her happiness. UK is a country where it's easier to live because it's a developed country.
    Immigration is a major issue in London where nearly 25% of the population is non-white. Out of this 25%, 10% are Indian, Pakistani or Bengladeshi, which accounts for the biggest part. A lot of Indian and Pakistani people emigrated to Britain in the 50's after the partition of India and have done ever since.

    II – The problems in the new country
    To go in a new country seems easy, but in fact it's really difficult. First of all, the migrants leave their friends, sometimes their familly. In the arrival country, they have to face the eyes-contact of the others. They have to learn a new culture, a new language. They also need to find a job, a place to leave. I'd like to focus on this aspect, by taking the example of two situations. First, I chose an extract from the text « Tower Hamlet » which talk about Nazneen, from the movie Brick Lane. It tells one day of the new Nazneen's life. We can see that she's bored sometimes and she can't speak with her neightboors because she don't speak english. She feels alone because she miss her familly, she doesn't know anybody. The second document is a text about the rising unemployment for UK's ethinic minorities. Their are statistics and we can see that the minorities are most touch (document). It's in particular for the black ethnic minorities and the Pakistani/Bangladeshi ethnic group.

    To illustrate this notion, I chose a personal document, which is a song : "America" from Neil Diamond, released in 1980. The song's theme is a positive interpretation of the history of immigration to the United States, both during the early 1900s and today. So we can see that immigration can be positive. There is negative and positive aspects. (song's citations)

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 17-05-2014 16:38



    Réponse: Correction / immigration de here4u, postée le 18-05-2014 à 00:15:41 (S | E)
    Hello !

    I'll try to help !
    bleu = à revoir
    XX éléments manquants
    vert = suggestion

    I – The origine of immigration.
    First of all we will see the origine of immigration. The Iimmigration, can be defineX by the process of intering another country in order to live there. People migrate because they don’t(can't) find a job or maybe they don’t earn enough money because of the global economic crisis, they want to reside in a country where it seems easier to live. Maybe they leave(tps?) their country in so as to escape war or to enjoy better weather(!!). Unless they are may///be political refugeeS or they moove to follow their company(??? What company?). We can illustrate two of this example throught a still from a movie : Brick Lane. This document is about Nazneen. She leaves Bengladesh for London because her family has arranged a marriage to Shanuu, in London, a 42 year-old man(ordre des mots; mettre in London à la fin) . She leaves her father and her sister behind. Her mother committed suicide. She ?? (the mother ?Not clear ...)must have felt helpless and hopeless. She(?? = N ??) went there to have a better life. She would become richer with a rich husband in the UK. It's finaly for her happiness. The UK is a country where it's easier to live because it's a developed country.
    Immigration is a major issue in London where nearly 25% of the population is non-white. Out of this 25%, 10% are IndianS, Pakistani or Bengladeshi, which accounts ??(the 3 of them ?why singular ?) for the biggest part. A lot of Indian and Pakistani people emigrated to Britain in the 50s after the partition of India and have done ever since.

    II – The problems in the new country
    To going in to a new country seems easy, but in fact it's really difficult. First of all, the migrants leave their friends, sometimes their famillylies. In the arrival country,(their new country ?) they have to face the eyes-contact of the others ???(they're looked down on )? . They have to learn a new culture, a new language. They also need to find a job, a place to leave. I'd like to focus on this aspect, by taking the example of two situations. First, I chose an extract from the text « Tower Hamlet » which talk about(use to deal with) Nazneen, from the movie Brick Lane. It tells one day of the new Nazneen's new life. We can see that she's bored sometimes and she can't speak with her neightboors because she don't speak english. She feels alone( and lonely) because she missXX her familly, she doesn't know anybody. The second document is a text about the rising unemployment for UK's ethinic minorities. Their are statistics and we can see that the minorities are most touchXX (document, It's in particularly for the black ethnic minorities and the Pakistani/Bangladeshi ethnic group.

    To illustrate this notion, I chose a personal document, which is a song : "America" from Neil Diamond, released in 1980. The song's theme(theme of this song ) is a positive interpretation of the history of immigration to the United States, both during the early 1900s and today. So we can see that immigration can be positive. There is negative and positive aspects. (song's citations)quotations from the song
    Bon courage pour les corrections !




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