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    Oral/Lieux et formes de pouvoir

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Oral/Lieux et formes de pouvoir
    Message de mama25 posté le 22-05-2015 à 22:04:13 (S | E | F)
    Bonsoir,
    je passe mon oral d'anglais mardi et j'aimerais si possible que quelqu'un m'aide pour me corriger,
    merci d'avance pour vos réponses.

    ANGLAIS : SEATS AND FORM OF POWER – Need for independence
    Intro :
    We will strart by defining the notion « Seats and forms of power.
    «Seats » could be important buildings or institutions that represent a certain form of power, for example the White, a symbol of the American presidency. A place can also be a country or a state, for example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events in the world (superpower).
    « Power » is the ability to control others, events, or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This of course leads to conflict between those who have power and those who don’t have.
    But in this particular notion we talk about the need for independence, which it is defined by
    the time has country or regional political gains freedom from outside control.
    A country or state has different reasons to find or keep their independence, for example when country has wealth and it may wants to keep their wealth only for us to set it to improve their standard of living, or when a country wants to take decisions according to other countries, a state would lead freely it's own economy.
    When power is misused how do people rebel against it?
    So we're going to talk about the independence or no of Irland with the U.K. and Scotland with United Kingdom too help several documents.

    I. Scotland
    On Thursday, (the) 18 of September 2014, the Scottish people had to vote in order to say whether Scotland should be independent that is to say whether the Scots want to be seperated from the U.K., this is the referendum of Scotland. We studied the history of Scotland through a film that is called "Braveheart" where the hero of this true story is William Wallace. It's about the wars of independence in Scotland, the storys follows is W. Wallace who is a man of peace and freedom. He leads an army, an uprising to be specific here the Scots clans to a war against the English King. In the film we watched the part where W.Wallace a speech to his army to encourage them to follow him in his fight against the United Kingdom. We understand that Scotland wants to get the independence they had before that is to say to get it back the power of England, but at this referendum, the majority of votes were not so Scotland has still not recovered its independence.

    II. Irland
    After three centuries of colonization, Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. The road to independence will be long and bloody. It all started during the Easter Uprising, called Easter Rising. The Republican group "volontaires", which later became the IRA wants an end to British rule and establish a republic of Ireland. A guerilla between the two camps began to reach a deal in 1921.
    Ireland northeastern part of the United Kingdom but the violence will resume at the end of the 60s, where the event will take place Warrington Bombing. During this war, there was Warrington attacks are a double bomb attack committed by the IRA 20 March 1993 in Warrington, England, killing two children (Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12 years) and wounding 96 people. After this attack group "Cramberries" wrote a song "Zombie" in honor of these boys and to talk about the consequences of violence and terrorism of the IRA.
    Zombie is a protest song it invites us to realize the severity of the facts, and asks us to put in place of the families of the victims because one day it could be happen to them.
    The phenomenal energy of this song is a cry of protest against the madness of men ;

    The Cranberries want sown they are against violence in Northern Ireland, it causes wrench in many families and they denounce the brainwashing of British soldiers and children who grow up in this climate.
    The effects of this song on IRA about these “troubles” can’t be ignored.


    Conclusion :
    Taking the real stories and documents studied in class, we could illustrate the concept of places and forms of authority more precisely that of the need for independence. A country must have the right to choose whether or not he had to be independent and it should not even discuss various as it is a right. That's how I will conclude.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2015 23:15


    Réponse: Oral/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de here4u, postée le 22-05-2015 à 22:57:21 (S | E)
    Hello !

    blue = wrong
    underlined = clumsy, very clumsy ...
    green suggestions ?
    XXX = missing elements.

    ANGLAIS : SEATS AND FORM OF POWER – Need for independence

    Intro :

    We will strart by defining the notion « Seats and forms of power.
    «Seats » could be important buildings or institutions that represent a certain form of power, for example the White HOUSE , a symbol of the American presidency. A place can also be a country or a state, for example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events in the world ( X superpower).
    « Power » is the ability to control others, events, or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This of course leads to conflict between those who have power and those who don’t have XX .
    But in this particular notion we talk about the need for independence, which it is defined by the time has country or regional political gains freedom from outside control.??? doesn't make sense...
    A country or state has different reasons to find or keep their independence, for example when X country has wealth and it may wants to keep their wealth only for us to set it to improve their standard of living, ??? very clumsy)or when a country wants to take decisions according to other countries, a state would lead freely it's own economy.(not clear...)
    When power is misused how do people rebel against it?
    So we're going to talk about the independence or no of IrXland with the U.K. and Scotland with United Kingdom too help several documents.(through several documents?)

    I. Scotland

    On Thursday, (the) 18 of September 2014, the Scottish people had to vote in order to say whether Scotland should be independent that is to say whether the Scots want to be seperated from the U.K.,. this is the referendum of Scotland. We studied the history of Scotland through a film that is called "Braveheart" where the hero of this true story is William Wallace. It's about the wars of independence in Scotland, the storys follows is W. Wallace who is a man of peace and freedom. He leads an army, an uprising to be specific here the Scots clans to a war against the English King. In the film we watched the part where W.Wallace??? XXXX a speech to his army to encourage them to follow him in his fight against the United Kingdom. We understand that Scotland wants to get the independence they had before that is to say to get it back the power of England, but at this referendum, the majority of votes were not so Scotland has still not recovered its independence.

    II. IrXland (Which part of Ireland are you studying? )

    After three centuries of colonization, Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. The road to independence will be long and bloody. It all started(stop mixing tenses like that ... !) during the Easter Uprising, called Easter Rising. The Republican group "volontaires", which later became the IRA wants an end to British rule and establish a rRepublic of Ireland. A guerilla between the two camps began to reach a deal in 1921.
    Ireland northeastern part of the United Kingdom ???? (where's the verb?)but the violence will resume at the end of the 60s, where the event will take place Warrington Bombing. During this war, there was Warrington attacks are a double bomb attack committed by the IRA XX 20 March 1993 in Warrington, England, killing two children (Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12 years) and wounding 96 people. After this attack XXX group "Cramberries" wrote a song "Zombie" in honor of these boys and to talk about the consequences of violence and terrorism of the IRA.
    Zombie is a protest song /it invites us to realize the severity of the facts, and asks us to put in place of the families of the victims because one day it could be happen to them.
    The phenomenal energy of this song is a cry of protest against the madness of men ;

    The Cranberries want sown they are against violence in Northern Ireland, it causes wrench in many families and they denounce the brainwashing of British soldiers and children who grow up in this climate.
    The effects of this song on IRA about these “troubles” can’t be ignored.


    Conclusion :

    Taking the real stories and documents studied in class, we could illustrate the concept of places and forms of authority more precisely???that of the need for independence.(Punctuation?) A country must have the right to choose whether or not he had to be independent and it should not even discuss various as it is a right. That's how I will conclude.

    I'm sorry, but many passages are not clear at all!!!(Manque de ponctuation, mélange des temps ... absence de mots de liaison etc.) Bon courage !




    Réponse: Oral/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de mama25, postée le 23-05-2015 à 18:23:26 (S | E)
    Voila ce que ça donne après votre correction, merci beaucoup.

    ANGLAIS : SEATS AND FORM OF POWER – Need for independence

    Intro :

    We will start by defining the notion « Seats and forms of power.
    «Seats » could be important buildings or institutions that represent a certain form of power, for example the White HOUSE, a symbol of the American presidency. A place can also be a country or a state, for example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events in the world (it's a superpower).
    « Power » is the ability to control others, events, or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This of course leads to conflicts between those who have power and those who don’t have power.
    But in this particular notion we talk about the need for independence, it ‘s the gain of political freedom from outside control that is to say the ability to live without being influenced, controled by an other country
    A country or state has different reasons to find or keep their independence, for example when country has wealth and it may want to keep their wealth only for them to improve their standard of living, or when a country wants to take decisions without other countries, a state would lead freely own economy.
    When power is misused how do people rebel against it?
    We're going to talk about the independence or not of Ireland and the U.K. or Scotland and United Kingdom too help several documents. For the first idea we shall use the movie " Braveheart " and the current events about this subject which we studied in class, then for the second idea we shall analyze the story of Ireland worked in class and the song "Zombie" of Cranberries.

    I. Scotland

    On Thursday, (the) 18 of September 2014, the Scottish people had to vote in order to say whether Scotland should be independent that is to say whether the Scots want to be separated from the U.K., this is the referendum of Scotland. We studied the history of Scotland through a film that is called "Braveheart" where the hero of this true story is William Wallace. It's about the wars of independence in Scotland, where W. Wallace is a man of peace and freedom. He leads an scottish army, asking to unite against king of England by creating a war. In the film we watched the part where W.Wallace made a speech to his army to encourage them to follow him in his fight against the United Kingdom. We understand that Scotland wants to get the independence they had before that is to say to get it back the power of England have on them, but at this referendum, the majority of votes were « no », so Scotland has still not recovered its independence.

    II. Ireland

    After three centuries of colonization, Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. The road to independence was long and bloody. It all start during the Easter Uprising, called Easter Rising. The Republican group " Volunteers ", who later became the IRA wants an end to British rule and establish a republic of Ireland. A guerilla between the two camps began to reach a deal in 1921.
    Ireland northeastern is part of the United Kingdom but the violence will resume at the end of the 60s, where the event took place Warrington Bombing. During this war, there was an attack where two bombs exploded, it was committed by the IRA in 20 March 1993 in Warrington, in England, and killing two children (Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12 years) and wounding 96 people. After this attack group "Cranberries" wrote a song "Zombie" in honor of these boys and to talk about the consequences of violence and terrorism of the IRA.
    Zombie is a protest song and it invites us to realize the severity of the facts, and asks to put ourselves in place of the families of the victims because one day it could happen to us.
    The phenomenal energy of this song is a cry of protest against the madness of men ;

    The Cranberries want shown they are against violence in Northern Ireland, it causes in many families and they denounce the brainwashing of British soldiers and children who grow up in this climate.
    The effects of this song on IRA about these “troubles” can’t be ignored.


    Conclusion :

    Taking the real stories and documents studied in class, we could illustrate the concept of places and forms of authority more precisely that of the need for independence. A country must have the right to choose whether or not it had to be independent because it’s a right.That's how I will conclude.




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