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    Correction/Idée de progrès

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/Idée de progrès
    Message de mimilele posté le 25-01-2016 à 19:36:06 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour!
    J'aurai besoin d'aide pour la correction de ce texte s'il vous plait, merci d'avance

    To begin, I am going to define this notion « Idea of progress » . Progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively in terms of sciences, technology, modernization, living condition, etc. The world and countries evolve over time which may be harmful or beneficial. I will speak of a country that has known much change regarding the civil rights of a part of its population. The United States, of course, in which the rights of Black people have changed considerably during the last centuries. So I will try to answer this question : How the situation of Afro-American in the US evolved from slavery to the conquest of Civil Rights ? First, I will explain how the rights of blacks were violated in the United States. Then I will speaks about the first evolution in the army or also at school. To finish I will put forward the fact that many fights have enabled this progress and finally allowed to obtain rights.
    First, let's concentrate of the fact that all begin with slavery. Indeed, this activity began with arrival of first settlers in the American colonies, from the 17th century more specifically in the southern states where slaves were needed to work on plantations. Thus at that time blacks live without any rights. In 1776, the american colonies declared independance from the United Kingdom but in this declaration nothing aims at solving the problem of slavery. During the 1861 presidential election Lincoln's platform proposed to stop the evolution of slavery, indeed, newly integrated states would refuse slavery. His election led a civil war. Finally, in 1865 slavery was abolished by the 13th Amendment. But blacks are far from victory. One years later the South instored the Jim Craw law to recreate a polticial system in which citizenship was denied to freed men. It is the birth of the segregation which aims at separating people on the basis of the colour of their skin in their everyday life. Afro-American which is the ethnic group of citizens whose ancestors were brought from Africa and from Caribeans as slaves begins a long fight. Lynching became a real tradition like Billie Holiday denounced in her song « Strange Fruit ». Also, violent groups terrorized black people like the KKL which is a white supremacy organisation made of extremist protestant founded in 1865 during the civil war. And to complicate the struggle of AA, the US Suprem Court states in favor of segregation in 1896 with the doctrine « separate but equal ».
    The evolution of this situtation began many years later. Indeed, desegragation was first in the army but only in 1949 by Henry Truman who was the president of the USA between 1945 and 1952. He said that discrimination is a disease and issued ordres requiring non discrimination in the military. Few years later, precisely in 1954 Brown decision by the supreme court ruled against segregation in schools. Though this law was not respected and the first little girl who was in a white school was Ruby Bridges nearly 6 years after this jurisprudence. As we can see with the painting of Norman Rockwell « The problem we all live with ». So the fight for new rights began with little action which was sometimes difficult to respect for these states in which segregation seemed at a tradition. But fortunately the march of progress didn't stop there since, of course, all of these actions are very weak against the injustice suffered by blacks.
    Therefore the struggle continues for the Afro-American. Groups were created like the NAACP, an acronym stands for « National Association for the Advancment of Colored people ». Many among these members, I will focus on the secretary of the local NAACP to Montgomery in Alabama whose the name was Rosa Parks. This seamstress made a spark to obtain new rights as we recall the Neville Brothers in their song « Sister Rosa ». Indeed, she lives in a segregationist states, that why the bus had two areas but when there were no more places for whites, the black people should give up her seat to White passenger. But one day, this woman refused and thus arrested and sent to jail. After this evnement a bus boycott was led by a young pastor : Martin Luther King. She finally became in my point of view the most important figure of this part of the History. This black leader said that citizens must obey the law but when the laws are unfair, they must disobey. So he organised pasific actions for the advancment of new rights like in 1963 a march on Washington where he pronounced the famous « I have a dream » speech. Others leaders fought as Malcolm X who was more violent as MLK, full of activities were conducted and finally bore fruit. Indeed, consequently in 1964 before MLK the civil right was signed by the president Johnson and put end to racial segregation. Afro-American finally get the right to vote and have human rights equivalent to whites.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 25-01-2016 22:18


    Réponse: Correction/Idée de progrès de mimilele, postée le 25-01-2016 à 19:36:53 (S | E)
    Et ma conclusion:

    To conclude, I can say thanks to famous men or women or also all of the black people and some white people who was figting together for the justice a real progress has occurred. I personally find that this fight is very noble and today this country can be proud of the progress. As we can see with the election of Barack Obama in 2009, a black president in this country where there are few more years the universal rights was violated. But I also think it is important to remember that the struggle continues with for example the death of the young Afro-American Michael Brown in Ferguson in 2014 by a policeman.



    Réponse: Correction/Idée de progrès de here4u, postée le 25-01-2016 à 20:40:15 (S | E)
    hello !

    I'll do the first part of it... for now!

    To begin, I am going to define this notion :« XXX Idea of progress » . Progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively in terms of sciences, technology, modernization, living conditionS, etc. The world and countries evolve over time, which may be harmful or beneficial. I will speak of a country that has known much change regarding the civil rights of a part of its population. The United States, of course, in which the rights of Black people have changed considerably during the last centuries. So I will try to answer this question : How the situation of Afro-American in the US evolved from slavery to the conquest of Civil Rights ? (construction! This isn't a question!)First, I will explain how the rights of blacks were violated in the United States. Then I will speaks about the first evolution in the army or also at school. To finish I will put forward the fact that many fights have enabled this progress and finally allowed (complement?) to obtain rights.
    First, let's concentrate of the fact that all begin with slavery. Indeed, this activity began with XXX arrival of XXX first settlers in the American colonies, from the 17th century more specifically in the southern states where slaves were needed to work on plantations. Thus at that time blacks live(tense?) without any rights. In 1776, the american colonies declared independance from the United Kingdom but in this declaration nothing aims at solving the problem of slavery. During the 1861 presidential election Lincoln's platform proposed to stop the evolution of slavery, indeed, newly integrated states would refuse slavery. His election led XX a civil war. Finally, in 1865 slavery was abolished by the 13th Amendment. But blacks aretense!) far from victory. One years later the South instored the Jim Craw law to recreate a polticial system in which citizenship was denied to freed men. It is the birth of the segregation which aims at separating people on the basis of the colour of their skin in their everyday life. Afro-American which is the ethnic group of citizens whose ancestors were brought from Africa and from XXX Caribeans as slaves begins a long fight. Lynching became a real tradition like Billie Holiday denounced in her song « Strange Fruit ». Also, violent groups terrorized black people like the KKL the KKK which is a white supremacy organisation made of extremist protestant founded in 1865 during the civil war.very clumsy! ) And to complicate the struggle of AA, the US Suprem Court states in favor of segregation in 1896 with the doctrine « separate but equal ».
    The evolution of this situtation began many years later. Indeed, desegragation was first in the army but only in 1949 by Henry Truman who was the president of the USA between 1945 and 1952. He said that discrimination is a disease and issued ordres requiring non discrimination in the military. X Few years later, precisely in 1954 Brown decision by the supreme court ruled against segregation very clumsy again! )in schools. Though(revoir la ponctuation afin d'assurer la correction de ce qui n'est pas vraiment une phrase ...) this law was not respected and the first little girl who was in a white school was Ruby Bridges nearly 6 years after this jurisprudence. As we can see with the painting of Norman Rockwell « The problem we all live with ». So the fight for new rights began with little action which was sometimes difficult to respect for these states in which segregation seemed at a tradition. But fortunately the march of progress didn't stop there since, of course, all of these actions are very weak against the injustice suffered by blacks.



    Réponse: Correction/Idée de progrès de here4u, postée le 25-01-2016 à 20:53:35 (S | E)
    A little time to go on ...

    Therefore the struggle continues for the Afro-American. Groups were created like the NAACP, an acronym standING s for « National Association for the AdvancEment of Colored people ». Many among these members, I will focus on the secretary of the local NAACP to Montgomery in Alabama whose the name was Rosa Parks. This seamstress made a sparked off a protest to obtain new rights as we recall the Neville Brothers in their song « Sister Rosa ». Indeed, she lives in a segregationist states, that was why the bus had two areas but when there were no more places for whites, the black people should give up her seat to White passenger. But one day, this woman refused and was thus arrested and sent to jail. After this evnement a bus boycott was led by a young pastor : Martin Luther King. She finally became in my point of view the most important figure (word order!) of this part of the History.(attention au mélange entre R Parks et MLK) This black leader said that citizens must obey the law but when the laws are unfair, they must disobey. So he organised pasific actions for the advancment of new rights like in 1963 a march on Washington where he pronounced the famous « I have a dream » speech. Others leaders fought (as Malcolm X who was more violent as MLK,) full of activities were conducted and finally bore fruit. Indeed, consequently in 1964 before MLK the civil right was signed by the president Johnson and put AN end to racial segregation. Afro-American finally get the right to vote and have human rights equivalent to whites.


    To conclude, I can say thanks to famous men or women or also all of the black people and some white people who was figting together for the justice, real progress has occurred. I personally find that this fight is very noble and today this country can be proud of the progress. As we can see with the election of Barack Obama in 2009, a black president in this country where there are few more years the universal rights was violated.Revoir toute la construction ...) But I also think it is important to remember that the struggle continues with for exampleOF the death of the young Afro-American Michael Brown in Ferguson in 2014 by a policeman.




    Réponse: Correction/Idée de progrès de mimilele, postée le 26-01-2016 à 20:50:27 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup pour votre aide!!

    il me reste quelques questions..
    "To finish I will put forward the fact that many fights have enabled this progress and finally allowed to obtain rights."
    Ici, je ne comprends pas ?
    " Afro-American which is the ethnic group of citizens" est-ce que ici je peux laisser ma phrase au présent sachant que ce terme d'afro-américain est toujours utilisé aujourd'hui?
    "As we can see with the painting of Norman Rockwell « The problem we all live with ». " Le"of" ici n'est pas correct? je ne vois pas ce que je dois mettre? by ?
    " As we can see with the election of Barack Obama in 2009, a black president in this country where few more earlier the universal rights was violated." Cela est-il plus correct?
    Et pour finir, j'aimerai savoir quel mot utilisé lorsque je veux dire "comme" par exemple dans la phrase:
    Lynching became a real tradition like (ici, "as" est plus adapté?) Billie Holiday denounced in her song « Strange Fruit ».
    En tout cas, merci beaucoup pour votre aide !!




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