Junk food/ complaint

Junk food/ complaint
Message de mr96said posté le 10-06-2016 à 06:34:17 (S | E | F)
Hello everyone !
In a bacalaureat exam , they asked the candidates to write a letter of complaint to a director of junk food company claiming in of about the effects of junk food on Kids . Could you correct it, please?
Thank you for your help.
This is my letter :

Dear Sir ,
I am writing to inform you of my dissatisfaction about your junk food advertisement you have published in the " AA " daily newspaper on 23th May 2016 .
Children have bought a lot of healthy food from your campany and have been always pleased in the past . However , your new type of food _
I mean your junk food _ have made their life in a serious danger . Firstly , the advertisement states that your trophic product provides children with energy so that they keep active all the day , but in fact , it contains no nutritional value . As a result , it makes children feeling
chronically fatigued and lacked of energy to complete their simpliest daily tasks . Secondly , the advert claims that your product is made from regular and carfully chosen ingredients which preserve the healthy and make it stonger . Unfortunalty , when many laboraties studied it , they find excess sodium on it which means increasing the risk of kidney stones and stamach cancer . Thirdly , The colories you are using attract kids to eat more and more quantites of this junk food . Therefore , they will gain weight and could be obese . This unhealthy circumstance makes them at risk of many chronic illnesses such as diabetese and heart attack . Finaly and in general , I see that your last alimentary product involves several harmful effects .
I look forward to hear from you shortly .
Yours truly ,
John Smith

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Modifié par lucile83 le 10-06-2016 08:45

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Réponse: Junk food/ complaint de sherry48, postée le 10-06-2016 à 14:11:46 (S | E)
Hello. There are some grammatical errors () and some spelling errors (*). Remove spaces before punctuation.
Dear Sir ,
I am writing to inform you of my dissatisfaction about your junk food advertisement you have published in the " AA " daily newspaper on 23th May 2016 . [Consider the junk food advertisement you...or your junk food advertisement published...)
Children have bought a lot of healthy food from your campany* and have been always pleased in the past. However , your new type of food -
I mean your junk food - have made their life in a serious danger . Firstly , the advertisement states that your (trophic)[not often used] product provides children with energy so that they keep active all the day , but in fact , it contains no nutritional value . As a result , it makes children feeling
chronically fatigued and lacked of energy to complete their simpliest* daily tasks . Secondly , the advert claims that your product is made from regular and carfully* chosen ingredients which preserve the healthy and make it stonger*[Consider a verb form-preserve and __ health] . Unfortunalty* , when many laboraties* studied it , they find excess sodium on it which means increasing the risk of kidney stones and stomach cancer . Thirdly , the colories* (you are using) attract[different verb] kids to eat more and more quantites*[simplify this] of this junk food . Therefore , they will gain weight and could become obese . This unhealthy circumstance makes[different verb is better] them at risk of many chronic illnesses such as diabetes and heart attack . Finaly* and in general , I see that your last alimentary product involves [perhaps a different word] several harmful effects .
I look forward to hear from you shortly .
Yours truly ,
John Smith
Regards,
Sherry

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