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Message de thomas1906 posté le 13-01-2017 à 20:53:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pour la semaine prochaine je dois rendre une expression écrite sur différentes oeuvres ( livres, musique, ...) qui dénoncent le terrorisme.
Ainsi, je voudrais savoir si vous pourriez corriger une partie de mon texte où je parle d'un livre protestataire.
Voici le texte :
Terrorist is a book written by John Updike in 2006. In this book, the young Ahmad Mulloy is lost. He lives with his mother in a poor quarter and has never seen his father. Revolted by consumer society and school . Ahmad shuts himself away and becomes a fanatical Islamist under the influence of a trader who manipulate him.
Terrorist is interesting as he doesn't denounces directly terrorism. The book explains why a younger can convert to fanaticism. This works is a form of art of protest. Indeed, John Updike informs about terrorism and shows a problematic situation : Islamist teenagers who are corrupt.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Bonne soirée.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-01-2017 06:52
Message de thomas1906 posté le 13-01-2017 à 20:53:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pour la semaine prochaine je dois rendre une expression écrite sur différentes oeuvres ( livres, musique, ...) qui dénoncent le terrorisme.
Ainsi, je voudrais savoir si vous pourriez corriger une partie de mon texte où je parle d'un livre protestataire.
Voici le texte :
Terrorist is a book written by John Updike in 2006. In this book, the young Ahmad Mulloy is lost. He lives with his mother in a poor quarter and has never seen his father. Revolted by consumer society and school . Ahmad shuts himself away and becomes a fanatical Islamist under the influence of a trader who manipulate him.
Terrorist is interesting as he doesn't denounces directly terrorism. The book explains why a younger can convert to fanaticism. This works is a form of art of protest. Indeed, John Updike informs about terrorism and shows a problematic situation : Islamist teenagers who are corrupt.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Bonne soirée.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-01-2017 06:52
Réponse : Texte /correction de gerondif, postée le 13-01-2017 à 23:05:14 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert.
Terrorist (Trouvez un moyen de montrer que c'est le titre du livre; guillemets, italiques) is a book written by John Updike in 2006. In this book, the young Ahmad Mulloy is lost. He lives with his mother in a poor quarter(mot trop mathématique) and has never seen his father. Revolted by consumer society and school, (virgule) Ahmad shuts himself away and becomes a fanatical Islamist under the influence of a trader(ce mot signifie courtier en bourse, c'est le bon mot?) who manipulate(manque le s du présent simple 3ème personne.) him.
Terrorist is interesting as he(= il pour un humain, pas pour un livre) doesn't denounces (le s est déjà sur doesn't!!) directly (mettez l'adverbe en fin de phrase) terrorism. The book explains why a younger(cet adjectif au comparatif "plus jeune" ne peut pas rester seul, il doit s'accrocher à un nom, ou alors parlez de teenager) can convert to fanaticism. This works is a form of art of protest (maladroit). Indeed, John Updike informs (informs qui? Mettez un cod) about terrorism and shows a problematic situation : Islamist teenagers who are corrupt (corrupted).
Réponse : Texte /correction de thomas1906, postée le 14-01-2017 à 12:04:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
donc j'ai corrigé mon texte et cela donne :
Terrorist is a book written by John Updike in 2006. In this book, the young Ahmad Mulloy is lost. He lives with his mother in a poor district and has never seen his father. Revolted by consumer society and school, Ahmad shuts himself away and becomes a fanatical Islamist under the influence of a shopkeeper who manipulates him.
Terrorist is interesting as it doesn't denounce terrorism directly. The book explains why a young can convert to fanaticism. This work is a form of art of protest. Indeed, John Updike informs to about terrorism and shows a problematic situation : Islamist teenagers who are corrupted.
Réponse : Texte /correction de gerondif, postée le 14-01-2017 à 16:45:21 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Terrorist is a book written by John Updike in 2006. In this book, the young Ahmad Mulloy is lost. He lives with his mother in a poor district and has never seen his father. Revolted by consumer society and school, Ahmad shuts himself away and becomes a fanatical Islamist under the influence of a shopkeeper who manipulates him.
Terrorist is interesting as it doesn't denounce terrorism directly. The book explains why a young(l'adjectif ne peut pas rester seul, se substantivé, ou alors ce sont les jeunes en général, donc, this young boy, this teenager ) can convert to fanaticism. This work is a form of art of protest(faites un nom composé comme street art, protest song). Indeed, John Updike informs to(le verbe parler suffirait, ou alors nous informe sur) about terrorism and shows a problematic situation : Islamist teenagers who are corrupted.(corrompus mais par quoi ? l'argent, la drogue ...?)
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