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Olivier (correction)
Message de idlyhelly posté le 19-02-2008 à 09:50:46 (S | E | F)
Hello.
I'm a french pupil and my teacher gave me an exercise,
I have to write a little text :Oliver is staying in the ward a few minutes later another young boy cames in.Write a dialogue 100 words.
And I did this,Could you correct my mistakes :
_Hi
_Hi boy
_Oh,I've never saw you here before,welcome!but...what do you do here ?Hum..I'll say rather Why are you here ?
_..I'll prefer dont't need to come here,but I'm an Orphan,I've no father,no mother...So the beadle of the parish brought up me,he's to me a kind of father...but if I could choose my father,he will not be him !And,unfortunately since a few hours a group of gentlemen have decided that I have to work..and Have a useful job !So..I'm here..and tomorrow I'll have to work...
_Poor boy,I'm not a orphan!I'm just a wanderer that's better !I travel,I wander...i've not received a special education in order to be frank !I've received No educatio indeed,..perhaps may I say...the street education ?!So.I'm free !I depend on nobody !
_you're lucky!I'd like so much be free !And I'd like so much escape from the workhouse,met different people from the men of the parish !
_It's not really be lucky...it's be free,bu freedom is not always a good thing..When christmas arrives...I stay Alone in the street...a usual!whereas you,you're at the workhouse!It's not the best place that I knew but that's than live in the street !You're fed,your clothes are washed...
_That's right...life is so hard when you've got no familie..
_What a life ...
I Hope,that there's not too much mistakes !
Thanks to people who will correct me !
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 19-02-2008 10:58
Forum principal
Message de idlyhelly posté le 19-02-2008 à 09:50:46 (S | E | F)
Hello.
I'm a french pupil and my teacher gave me an exercise,
I have to write a little text :Oliver is staying in the ward a few minutes later another young boy cames in.Write a dialogue 100 words.
And I did this,Could you correct my mistakes :
_Hi
_Hi boy
_Oh,I've never saw you here before,welcome!but...what do you do here ?Hum..I'll say rather Why are you here ?
_..I'll prefer dont't need to come here,but I'm an Orphan,I've no father,no mother...So the beadle of the parish brought up me,he's to me a kind of father...but if I could choose my father,he will not be him !And,unfortunately since a few hours a group of gentlemen have decided that I have to work..and Have a useful job !So..I'm here..and tomorrow I'll have to work...
_Poor boy,I'm not a orphan!I'm just a wanderer that's better !I travel,I wander...i've not received a special education in order to be frank !I've received No educatio indeed,..perhaps may I say...the street education ?!So.I'm free !I depend on nobody !
_you're lucky!I'd like so much be free !And I'd like so much escape from the workhouse,met different people from the men of the parish !
_It's not really be lucky...it's be free,bu freedom is not always a good thing..When christmas arrives...I stay Alone in the street...a usual!whereas you,you're at the workhouse!It's not the best place that I knew but that's than live in the street !You're fed,your clothes are washed...
_That's right...life is so hard when you've got no familie..
_What a life ...
I Hope,that there's not too much mistakes !
Thanks to people who will correct me !
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 19-02-2008 10:58
Forum principal
Réponse: Olivier (correction) de tomtom1001, postée le 19-02-2008 à 12:12:46 (S | E)
hello,
I'm not an english man but I do my best to help you
!!-Hi boy
-Oh, I've
(1) never saw you here before,welcome! But...what do you do(2) here? Hum..I'll say rather(3) Why are you here ?-I'll prefer dont't need to come here
(4),but I'm (5) brought up me, he's to me a kind of father(7)... but if I could choose my father, he will not be him(8)! And, unfortunately, since a few hours a group of gentlemen have decided that I have to work.. and have a useful job! So.. I'm here.. and tomorrow I'll have to work...-Poor boy, I'm not
(9) that's better(10)! I travel, I wander... I've not received a special education in order to be frank(11)! I've received NO education(12) indeed(13),.. or perhaps may I say... only the street education?! So, I'm free! I depend on nobody !-You're lucky! I'd like
(14) so much be free! And I'd really like(14) (15) different people from the men of the parish!-It's not really be
(16) lucky... It's be(16) free, but freedom is not always a good thing.. When Christmas arrives... I stay alone in the street... as usual, whereas (17) but that's (words are missing) than live in the street! You're fed, your clothes are washed...-That's right... life is so hard when you've got no familie..
-What a life ...
1-use the preterit
2-use the prosseive present ("I do" devient "I am doing")
3-"I'll say rather" is misused... find the right translation for "vouloir dire"!
4-What is the sense of this sentence??? I should write (if I well understood!!): "I didn't want to be here..." or an equivalent!
5-I should simply say: "the priest"
6-Watch out for the word order!
7-"être comme..." = "to be like..."
8-You're making an hypothesis so you must use would!
9-"wanderer" = "voyageur (aventurier)"
"voygeur" = "traveller"
I don't know what word is right, it depends on you, on what you think!
10-maybe you must use another expression, or make this one in another place!
11-I prefer "honest", but it's just my opinion...
!12-try "upbringing" to avoid repetitions!
13-"indeed" must be put at the beginnig of the sentence!
14-it's "I would like TO + verb"
15-verb + ING
16-verb + ING
17-Why did you use the preterit??
Try to make a narrative sentence to intriduce and end your dialogue...
And I don't know what you really mean at the end of your dialogue!?!
I hope I helped you.. See you soon
tomtom
Réponse: Olivier (correction) de idlyhelly, postée le 27-02-2008 à 21:45:31 (S | E)
Hello ! Thanks for your correction ! So after your correction...I obtain this ...Is it correct ?
_Hi
_Hi boy
_Oh,I had never saw you here before,welcome!But...what are you doing here ?Hum..I'll mean rather Why are you here ?
_..I didn’t want be there,but I'm Orphan,I've no father,no mother...So the beadle of the parish brought me up.To me he’s like a father...but if I could choose my father,it wouldn’t be him !And,unfortunately since a few hours a group of gentlemen have decided that I have to work..and Have a useful job !So..I'm here..and tomorrow I'll have to work...
_Poor boy,I'm not a orphan!I'm just a wanderer that's better !I travel,I wander...i've not received a special education in order to be honest !Indeed I've received No upbringing ,or perhaps may I say...only the street education ?!So.I'm free !I depend on nobody !
_you're lucky!I'd like so much be free !And I'd like really escape from the workhouse,meting different people from the men of the parish !
_It's not really being lucky...it's being free,but freedom is not always a good thing..When Christmas arrives...I stay Alone in the street...a usual!whereas you,you're at the workhouse!It's not the best place that I know but that's better than live in the street !You're fed,your clothes are washed...
_That's right...life is so hard when you've got no familie..
_What a life ...
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