Cover Letter/correction

Cover Letter/correction
Message de voldemort posté le 20-09-2012 à 11:55:13 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,

Je me permets de poster ma lettre de motivation en anglais que je souhaite envoyer à un recruteur.
Pourriez-vous m'aider à la corriger s'il vous plait ?
Par avance merci,
Voldemort (et oui ça lui arrive aussi de travailler!)

Sir or Madam,

Majored in Marketing with a Master degree from Sciences Po Paris & I’m currently looking for a marketing mission in the Middle East for a luxury goods company such as XXX. Please accept my application for the Marketing Coordinator position you published on your HR website.

During my former missions in global companies, I have acquired extensive knowledge both in strategy, development & operational marketing on beauty market. In XXX, I worked as an intern Business Analyst for 7 months where I had to support brands in their strategies & product development by analyzing datas, market & consumers insights thanks to studies. My last mission in XXX group permitted me to develop my operational skills where I had to support marketing team both in the new product range and launches schedule by working in partnership with agencies and sales force effectiveness.

I would define myself as both professional, proactive and open minded person. You can find enclosed my resume. I am fully prepared to be available for interview at your convenience.
I look forward to meeting you.

Yours sincerely

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Modifié par lucile83 le 20-09-2012 12:51

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Réponse: Cover Letter/correction de bluestar, postée le 25-09-2012 à 22:26:38 (S | E)
Bonjour...

Some suggestions are given below.."Mission" is a word not usually used
to convey "job" or "position".It is used to describe a company's aims or objectives, as in "mission statement" ..The use of the ampersand - & - is too informal in a letter of application (it's better to write 'and')..I am not sure that I have understood the sense of the sentence ending "...effectiveness"..

I mMajored in Marketing with a Master's degree from Sciences Po Paris & and I am I’m currently looking for a marketing mission ('job' or 'position') in the Middle East for with a luxury goods company such as XXX. Please accept my application for the Marketing Coordinator position you published on your HR website.

During my former missions jobs in global companies, I have acquired extensive knowledge both in strategy, development & and operational marketing on in the beauty market. In XXX, I worked as an intern Business Analyst for 7 months where I had to support brands in their strategies & and product development by analyzing datas, market & and consumers insights thanks to provided by studies. My last mission job in XXX group permitted me to develop my operational skills where I had to support the marketing team both in the new product range and by launches launching the schedule by working in partnership with agencies and the sales force effectiveness.
I would define myself as both a professional, proactive and open- minded person. You can find enclosed my resume. I am fully prepared to be available for interview at your convenience.
I look forward to meeting

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