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Message de annabdh posté le 15-10-2017 à 16:03:49 (S | E | F)
j'ai créé un texte en anglais pour mon oral qui va bientôt arriver et j'aimerais avoir des avis,car je fais beaucoup de fautes, sur ce que je pourrais modifier et comment.
Merci pour vos réponses.
Je fais mon oral avec une autre personne et donc sa partie n est pas présentée ici:
And here we have a perfect example of a hero. Desmond Doss was a remarkable man in the Second World War. He joined the army when he was 23 years.He was very helpfull although he was a conscientious objector.
On the other hand, he had performed many acts of bravery and had always risked his Life for the others. He Had often tried to save other soldiers even if he was under enemy fire.That show us, that he always cared about the others and he was able to take split-second decision and do what he had to in the right way. As for example in the battle of Okinawa'
Then he went to territory exposed to the dangers, to give assistance to wounded persons who was affected. He looked after himself because he was touched and waited to be transported. He thought it Was better that a wounded Man Was transported before him.
We chose this man because the Second World War is still close and he is a very interesting man. With his courage and his bravery he was able to help without having the necessity of killing. It’s always in desperate conditions that he has demonstrated tenacity and moral strength to overcome difficulties and save many lives. He showed unfailing modesty until the end of his life, refusing to be put forward and carried as a hero.
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-10-2017 16:18
Réponse : Aide/orthographe de laure95, postée le 17-10-2017 à 17:24:36 (S | E)
- Desmond Doss was a remarkable man in (remplacer In par DURING)the Second World War.
- when he was 23 years: enlever "years".
- helpfull: orthographe.
- On the other hand: je n'ai pas vu avant de "on the one hand"?
- he had performed many acts of bravery: pourquoi le past perfect?
- He Had often tried to save other soldiers: même remarque.
- That show us: verbe mal conjugué.
- , that he always cared: pas le bon temps.
- decision: mettre au pluriel.
- what he had to in the right way. (ne pas mettre de point)As for example in the battle of Okinawa'
-Then he went to territory (pluriel?)exposed to the (pas de the)dangers,
- wounded persons who was (mal conjugué) affected.
- He thought it Was better that a wounded Man Was transported (pas le bon temps)before him.
- We chose this man: mettre au présent perfect.
- It’s always (mettre au passé) in desperate conditions
Réponse : Aide/orthographe de abdelfettah, postée le 17-10-2017 à 18:43:44 (S | E)
a mon avis
- famous au lieu de remarcable.
- 23 years old
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