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    Correction/Synthèse

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/Synthèse
    Message de livingtogether posté le 05-01-2018 à 15:53:34 (S | E | F)
    Hello,
    so I'm French and I have an evaluation, can you please help me to correct my synthesis ?
    Thanks a lot.

    I'm going to speak about immigration in America that is very important. In effect, when the first English settlers reached the New World, over 40 million people have migrated to the United States. All Americans are immigrants or children of immigrants. The exception is probably the indians. But some anthropologists believe that the Indians themselves were immigrants from another continent.
    What are the effects of immigration?

    Firstly we will look at the history and the causes of immigrants in USA, then we will talk about the hispanic americans about the illegalities and how they grow up in America, and finally we will see how the situation is now in USA with Trump.
    Firstly, the document ''The First Immigrants'' talks about the history of the immigration in USA, The first wave of immigration strated in 1620 by Pilgrims, There are English people who can't pratice their religion freely in there own country, so they decided to go in the New World America. But
    they encounter with the Indians so, they decided to kidnapped a Native American and learn how we survive in the New World, like how cultivate the crop. After that, England weren't friendly with Native Americans because they don't help native americans. (ARGUMENTATION A REVOIR)

    Secondly, the document ''Hispanic Americans : The largest ethnic minority group in the United States'' talks about of many things about Hispanic immigration in USA, The population of hispanic in 2012 were 53 million Hispanic in the USA, this is like 17 percent of the US total population, so we have a huge part of immigrants in USA, and this is only for the Hispanic. The Education in 2012 Hispanic college enrollment rate 18 to 24 years old high school graduates surpasses that of whites by 49% to 47%. So the hispanic people, is now more graduate to the white. And Hispanics get health insurance if they are in poverty. The spanish speakers are known more integrated in English, cause the fluency in spoken English rises accross Hispanic generations. At the first it was 23% in the first generation, now in the third generation is 94%, 34% of hispanics will speak only English at home by 2020. The hispanics are exerting a strong influence on all areas, from politics to business, film, music, and art. In music we have Jennifer Lopez, in film Penelope Cruz. In USA the newspapers, radio, television channels and other media has also growing steadily. Then in politics we have the Cubans in Florida, who is a representation of the US at the US Senate. I think it's means a lot for the Hispanic people

    Thirdly, We have a lot of descrimination in USA, for example, african american community were descriminated when they were slave, now they are protected thanks to Civil Rights, but also Civil Rhights movement was difficult for black people, but when Barack Obama who is a black person take the command, some things change to have a better life for black and white people who living in USA, also we have hispanic illegal immigrants, and its very difficults, because they are afraid to go out, they don't dare, for example to go to the doctor. They don't have paper so they can get arrest.
    Alot of this immigrants illegal, they do the worst task in some job, they do a imense work for a little money. And in the document ''An illegal immigrants life in USA'' for Jose who is a illegal immigrants he said American need to change, it's will be maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but the law need to change. Now the situations of immigrants will be not better with the new President MrTrump. In the comprehension test, Trump ends DACA, DACA is a protection to young people who were brought to the USA parents when they were kids. And thinks to DACA it enables to get a two year work permit, driving licence, they can open account in a bank, get full time job and go to college and higher education and they can't be deported. But Trump want to end DACA because B.Obama set up through executive authority without going all through the Democratic process implying a vote by Congress. Trump want also in the document ''Mexico USA Border Fence'' build a huge wall in the border between Mexico and America to stop illegal immigrants and alot of immigrants died in her travel like 6,023 death in only Arizona.

    The effect of the immigrants can be great and we can easily integrated him into the country, but we need to have a good rules, and don't have a politics racist. I thinks it's mean a lot for immigrants to have a better life we need to teach them and they will get a better life.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 05-01-2018 22:41



    Réponse : Correction/Synthèse de here4u, postée le 05-01-2018 à 22:39:25 (S | E)
    hello!

    I'm going to speak about immigration in America that is very important.= construction maladroite In effect, when = after??)the first English settlers reached the New World, over 40 million people have migrated to the United States. All Americans are immigrants or children of immigrants. The exception is probably the indians.= expression maladroite But some anthropologists believe that the Indians themselves were immigrants from another continent.
    What are the effects of immigration?

    Firstly we will look at the history and the causes of immigrants in XXX USA, then we will talk about the hispanic americans about the illegalities and how they grow up in America, and finally we will see how the situation is now in XXX USA with Trump.
    Firstly, the document ''The First Immigrants'' talks about the history of the immigration in USA, The first wave of immigration strated in 1620 by Pilgrims, There are English people who can't= temps! pratice their religion freely in there own country, so they decided to go in XX the New World America. But they encounter with the Indians so, they decided to kidnapped a Native American and learn how weTO? survive in the New World, like how XX cultivate the cropS. After that, England weren't friendly with Native Americans because they don't help native americans. (ARGUMENTATION A REVOIR)

    Secondly, the document ''Hispanic Americans : The largest ethnic minority group in the United States'' talks about of many things about Hispanic immigration in XXX USA, The population of hispanicS in 2012 were 53 million Hispanic in the USA, this is like 17 percent of the US total population, so we have a huge part of immigrants in XXX USA, and this is only for the Hispanic. The Education in 2012 Hispanic college enrollment rate 18 to 24 years old high school graduates(revoir la construction de ce segment)surpasses that of whites by 49% to 47%. So the hispanic people, is now more graduate to the white. A revoir!) And Hispanics get health insurance if they are in poverty. ??The spanish speakers are known TO BE ? more integrated in English, cause the fluency in spoken English rises accross Hispanic generations. At the first it was 23% in the first generation, now in the third generation IT is 94%, 34% of hispanics will speak only English at home by 2020. (construction maladroite!)The hispanics are exerting a strong influence on all areas, from politics to business, film, music, and art. In music we have Jennifer Lopez, in filmS Penelope Cruz(make real sentences!). In XXX USA the newspapers, radioS, television channels and other media has also growing steadily. Then in politics we have the Cubans in Florida, who is a representation of the US at the US Senate. I think it's means a lot for the Hispanic people

    Thirdly, We have a lot of descrimination in XXX USA, for example, XXX african american community were descriminated XXXXXXX when they were slave , now they are protected thanks to Civil Rights, but also XXX Civil Rhights movement was difficult for black people, but when Barack Obama who is a black person take the command, some things change to have a better life for black and white people who XXXX living in XXX USA, also (n'est pas un mot de liaison qui convient!) we have hispanic illegal immigrants, and its very difficults, because they are afraid to go out, they don't dare, for example to go to the doctor. They don't have paper so they can get arrest.
    A/lot of this immigrants illegal, theydo the worst task in some job, they do a imense work for a little money. And in the document ''An illegal immigrants life in XXX USA'' for Jose who is a illegal immigrants he said American need to change, it's will be maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but the law need to change. Now the situations of immigrants will be not better with the new President MrTrump. In the "comprehension" test, Trump ends DACA, DACA is a protection to young people who were brought to the USA parents when they were kids. And thinks to DACA it enables them to get a two year work permit(tirets),
    X driving licence, they can open XX account in a bank, get full time job and go to college and higher education and they can't be deported. But Trump want to end DACA because B.Obama set up through executive authority without going all through the Democratic process implying a vote by XXX Congress. Trump want also in the document(ordre des mots!) ''Mexico USA Border Fence'' build a huge wall in the border between Mexico and America to stop illegal immigrants and a/lot of immigrants died in her travel like 6,023 death in only Arizona.ordre des mots)
    The effect of the immigrants can be great and we can easily integrated him into the country, but we need to have a good rules, and don't have= not to have) a politics racist.= vocabulaire + construction) I thinks it's mean= le S est celui de la 3è personne du présent simple! a lot for immigrants to have a better life we need to teach them and they will get a better life.(= construction très maladroite à revoir!

    I may have skipped a few...




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