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    Oral/correction

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Oral/correction
    Message de lesansnom posté le 04-02-2018 à 15:11:41 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,
    je passe mon oral blanc d'anglais bientôt et je voulais savoir si quelqu'un aurait pu le corriger.
    Merci d'avance.

    Idea of progress :

    -First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion: The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place.
    In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about the bad and good using of the medicine improvements and especially about genetic improvements and attempt to answer the question : Is medicine improvements always positive? Is genetic engineering raise ethical issues? Is our society
    I begin by speak about and secondly I’ll speak about

    Nowadays, more and more scientist need to use new methods like genetic screening and genetic fingerprinting in order to explain and cure some diseases but sometimes they use it for different reasons. As we can see in the text extract from USA today, where a teenager, Molly, who is suffering from a rare illness is intended to die. So Molly’s parents turned to PDG (pre implantation genetic ) to pick out the embryo implanted to give birth to her brother in order to save Molly’s life. So the newborn is born only for cure his sister by using a new method of genetic engineering. Should the scientist who made this experiment accept this? Because it can raise ethical issues and nobody can know if Molly’s brother agree with, he can feel the sense of be an unwanted child, so it can be very difficult to the Molly’s brother to live in this situation. Even if this experiment is a progress in the sector of genetic, many people are not agree with. If nowadays parents and scientists are ready to do the same, what it is happening in the future?

    We have seen a wrong side of medicine improvements and nowadays in our society many people are seeking to be the best especially have the best look and to appear like the perfect human. Sometimes if you don’t look good, and you aren’t well dressed, some people can have negative stereotyping about you even if he doesn’t anything about you. This situation is sources of criticism. Always in order to be the most beautiful and to avoid critical, many peoples are ready to use cosmetic surgery even if It can have permanent side effects. Cosmetic surgery is a solution of being the most beautiful but as we can see on a drawing called “odd man out” which represents 5 people on a conveyor belt, 4 similar happy, well-built and perfect people. The other one is skinny and he is caught and sort out by a big clamp. He is send in a skip were there are already many skin people like him. This picture represents an experiment of the sorting of people by the physical appearance.
    The author is denouncing our actual society where everybody try to have the best look and people who have a little difference are dismissed and refused. He also denouncing the industrialisation of genetic engineering where when this a little problem they make it in a big quantity and apply it to everybody who wants to receive this treatment which is a source of money. He probably also denouncing the danger of selective breeding because he probably thinks if everybody don’t do anything, in a few years everybody will be the same because of genetic engineering.

    -I totally agree with the idea that without medicine improvements, many diseases won’t be cure and many research won’t be find but I clearly think that scientist and also ordinary people have to be very careful with genetic engineering because it can has many serious consequences and sometimes causes death of human being. These documents could also be linked to the notion of myth and heroes because scientists who are using these improvements can be considered as an hero because everybody can’t do that and thanks them many people can live a normal life. Its an example of an everyday hero. By answering this key question, we can really realise that medicine improvement can be as well as bad for someone and it depends from how, why and by who it’s used. We can ask a question to finish : should genetic engineering be outlawed?

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 04-02-2018 18:16


    Réponse : Oral/correction de laure95, postée le 04-02-2018 à 17:35:31 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,
    - In order to appeal of a public less target : ?
    - all walks of life : ?
    - and this, (enlever la virgule)cause (faute de conjugaison, le sujet "this" est au singulier)a violent fanatical crowd behavious .
    - Mega Monday it's (mega monday est le sujet de "is", donc ne pas rajouter "it")the same concept of (pas la bonne préposition) the Black Friday
    - this unfold
    - all is on the in the internet: mal dit.
    - people avoided meeting with the fanatical crowd behavious: ?
    - We can considered: can + infinitif.
    - thanks to the globalization: enlever "the".
    - these two events became (mettre au présent perfect)cultural.
    - The Mega Monday it's a good progress
    - there are no crowd (mettre au pluriel)
    - They spend in (enlever "in").
    - a large amount (amount of what?)
    - and it's often things (mal dit)
    - debs: orthographe.
    - Even so, this bad consumption permit (faute de conjugaison) an improvement



    Réponse : Oral/correction de laure95, postée le 04-02-2018 à 17:51:47 (S | E)
    Aide à la correction du premier message:

    - good using of the (enlever "the") medicine improvements
    - Is medicine improvements always positive?: si le sujet est au pluriel, le verbe doit être au pluriel!
    - Is genetic engineering raise ethical issues?: question mal construite. Il faut utiliser l'auxiliaire DO.
    - Is our society: ?
    - I begin (pas au bon temps) by speak (by+ verbe + -ing)about(about what?) and secondly I’ll speak about (about what?)


    - As we can see in the text extract (mettre au participe passé) from USA today,
    - for (pas la bonne préposition) cure his sister
    - if Molly’s brother agree (faute de conjugaison)with
    - he can feel the sense of be an unwanted child: mal construit.
    - so it can be very difficult to (pas la bonne préposition)the (pas de "the") Molly’s brother to live in this situation
    - many people are not agree with: faute de conjugaison.
    - what it is happening in the future? : mal construit.


    -the perfect human: mettre au pluriel.
    - if you don’t look good: trop vague.
    - some people can have negative stereotyping (ce n'est pas un nom)
    - about you even if he (pluriel) doesn’t (pluriel) (il manque un verbe)anything about you.
    - This situation is sources (singulier) of criticism.
    - to avoid critical (ce n'est pas un nom), many peoples (people est déjà un mot pluriel) are ready to use
    - a solution of being (construire avec to + infinitif) the most beautiful
    - 4 similar happy: mal dit.
    - he is caught and sort (mettre au participe passé)out by a big clamp.
    - He is send (participe passé) in a skip
    - an experiment of the sorting of people by the physical appearance: mal dit.
    - where everybody try: everybody + verbe au singulier.
    - people who have a little difference are dismissed and refused (pas le bon mot ici).
    - He also denouncing: mal conjugué.
    - the industrialisation of genetic engineering where when this a little problem they make it in a big quantity: ?
    - He probably also denouncing
    - everybody don’t do

    - many diseases won’t be cure (participe passé)
    - and many research (many + pluriel)won’t be find (participe passé)
    - sometimes causes (mettre un article) death of human being (mettre au pluriel).
    - scientists who are using these improvements can be considered as an hero (mettre au pluriel)
    - thanks (il manque une préposition) them many people can live a normal life.
    - Its: orthographe)

    Où commence ta conclusion?




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