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    Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
    Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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    Role-playing games -correction
    Message de dalutis posté le 02-04-2007 à 18:15:32 (S | E | F | I)

    Bonjour tous le monde,
    Je viens de finir un devoir d'Anglais et j'aimerais savoir si une personne pourrait m'aider à corriger mes erreurs:
    Sujet:
    "Aujourd'hui de nombreux jeux-vidéo sont des jeux de rôle avec des chevaliers,des sorciers,des dragons etc... Aimez-vous ces jeux ? Expliquez pourquoi ou pourquoi pas."
    Ce que j'ai fait:
    I love the role-playing games because I think that it’s the only kind of video games who really allow to escape me from the real world and enter in a wonderfull world (a dream world).
    In a role-playing game I can incarnate a wizard,a Knight,a thief,a warrior ... or simply create my proper character with my personality. But that stop not here (ça ne s'arrete pas là), indeed If I want,I can travel through the different worlds available in the game ( what out the routine = ce qui évite la routine ).In fact the role-playing games allow to reveal our real personality through an imaginary character . Moreover,I can develop my imagination and I can meet other people and create my proper followship with my virtual friends .
    But even if it’s very funny ,we don’t forgot that it’s not real and this games never can remplace the real world and the real people.

    Voilà merci.
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 02-04-2007 18:24
    Titre


    Réponse: Role-playing games -correction de marlond, postée le 02-04-2007 à 20:05:46 (S | E)
    I've put wrong parts in red and explanations below.

    I love the (1)role-playing games because I think that it(2)’s the only kind of video games who (3)really allow to escape me(4) from the real world and enter in(5) a wonderfull (6)world (a dream world).
    - (1) You're talking in general about all role-playing games, so you don't use the 'the'.
    - (2) 'it' refers back to 'role-playing games' which is plural, so you need to use a plural pronoun and a plural verb.
    - (3) 'who' is only used to refer to a person, and occasionally animals. 'which' is used to refer to inanimate objects.
    - (4) Word order: "to allow somebody to do something" - in that order. Not "to allow to do something somebody".
    - (5) Either "enter a dream world" or "to enter INTO a dream world", not "in".
    - (6) Check you spelling of "wonderfull" (sic) - but "a dream world is better anyway.


    In a role-playing game I can incarnate (7) a wizard,a K(8)night,a thief,a warrior ... or simply create my proper(9) character with my personality.

    - (7) I'm not sure this word exists in this way, and it's certainly never used in common language - just use 'become' or 'transform myself into'.
    - (8) No need for the 'K' to be capitalised.
    - (9) The French word 'propre' does not mean 'proper' in English. It's a 'faux ami'. Use a dictionary to find the proper word...
    - Also, make sure you put a space after you put a comma.

    But that stop not here(10) (ça ne s'arrete pas là), indeed I(11)f I want,I can travel through the different worlds available in the game ( what out the routine = ce qui évite la routine ).
    - (10) - "It doesn't stop there" is the correct translation, or "it does not stop there" if you want to avoid the contraction.
    - (11) - No need for a capital on "If" (sic)
    - (12) I'm not sure how to translate this, in fact, I'm not sure I understand the French. Maybe something like "which stops it getting boring" or "which prevents it from being monotonous".

    In fact the(13) role-playing games allow(13) to reveal our real personality(15) through an imaginary character.

    - (13) See (1)
    - (14) "allow" needs an object, I suggest "us" as you've used "our" later on, so "role playing games allow us to reveal our..."
    - (15) English uses a plural here, although French would use a singular, as the English logic is that there is more than one personality, so it needs to be "personalities"... You could make "characters" plural as well, if you like.

    Moreover,I can(16) develop my imagination and I can meet other people and create my proper(17) followship (18)with my virtual friends.

    - (16) "I can" sounds to me like there should another clause explaining how you can do this, like "by doing such and such" if that makes sense. I'd replace "I can" by "it allows me to" or "it lets me". That's a bad explanation, sorry, but my version sounds better to my ear...
    - (17) See (9)
    - (18)'followship' is not a word. You may mean "fellowship", which would also be the wrong word. Do you mean "friendship"? I think you mean something like "I can meet other people and make lots of 'virtual' friends."?


    Réponse: Role-playing games -correction de marlond, postée le 02-04-2007 à 20:08:35 (S | E)

    But even if(19) it’s very funny(20) ,we don’t forgot(21) that it’s not real and this(22) games never can remplace(23) the real world and the(24) real people.

    - (19) Should be "even THOUGH"
    - (20) Note the difference between 'fun' and 'funny' - something which makes you laugh is 'funny' and something which you enjoy doing is 'fun. Here, I think you mean 'fun'.
    - (21) Should be "we don't FORGET".
    - (22) 'games' is plural so you need the plural of 'this'.
    - (23) Check you spelling, and the French influence on your spelling...
    - (24) No need for 'the' here.


    Réponse: Role-playing games -correction de dalutis, postée le 02-04-2007 à 23:29:15 (S | E)
    I thank you for having taken time to correct me and explain me marlond.I understood all my errors.

    good night.






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