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    présentation/correction (1)

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    présentation/correction
    Message de sophie29 posté le 16-09-2007 à 12:26:43 (S | E | F | I)

    Bonjour à tous!! voilà je suis en terminale S et j'ai de grosses dificultés en anglais donc j'ai décidé de revoir mes bases toute seule -d'où mon inscription ici- donc j'essaie d'écrire un essai par semaine mais le problème c'est que je n'ai personne pour les corriger donc si une âme bien aimable se sent d'attaque pour le faire ça ce serait vraiment sympathique ! surtout qu'il n'y a pas d'urgence. Merci d'avance!

    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me by my nickname "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany and I reside in a small town, one of most magnificent of the coast-line. So, I inhabit with my pleasant family: I 've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen yeras old, that is why, i was able to get my driving licence.
    Moreover, in my spare time i go in for sports, particularly I practise sailing. I love the see and I save to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I spend my time with my friends and together, we enjoy going to shopping, cinema or playing music.
    What's more, I love travelling. I make a journey in Argentine for three weeks with the students of my classroom two years ago. It was fantastic! Furthermore, I traveled a lot in Spain to practise Spanish what learning too in my secondaru school. Later I hope that I go in America! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, i don't know waht profession I will do yet so, meanwhile I try to learning English...
    In short, I would like that you describe me in the life in America: your hobbies, what do you do with your friends, like study, what is your family like,...
    I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,
    S******
    Voilà mon essai ça ne vole pas haut mais c'est un début lol
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 16-09-2007 12:58


    Réponse: présentation/correction de nick27, postée le 16-09-2007 à 13:03:03 (S | E)
    Hello !
    J'ai fait quelques corrections. J'ai mis rouge ce qui est à modifier. Après il y aura encore quelques points à revoir mais ici c'est le début.


    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me (by my nickname) "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany and I reside in a small town, one of the most magnificent (??) of the coast-line. So, I inhabit with my pleasant family: I 've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen yeras old, that is why, i was able to get my driving licence. (I got my driving licence)
    Moreover, in my spare time i go in for sports, particularly I practise sailing. I love the see and I save to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I spend my time with my friends and together we enjoy going to shopping, XX cinema or playing music.
    What's more, I love travelling. I make a journey in Argentine for three weeks with the students of my classroom two years ago. It was fantastic! Furthermore, I traveled a lot in Spain to practise Spanish what learning too in my secondaru school. Later I hope that I go in America! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, i don't know waht profession I will do yet so, meanwhile I try to learning English...
    In short, I would like that you describe me in the life in America: your hobbies, what do you do with your friends, like study, what is your family like,...
    I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,
    S******




    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 16-09-2007 à 15:30:24 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup d'avoir épondu! j'ai essayé de corriger en vert. voilà ce que ca donne:

    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany in a small town, one of the most(jvoulais dire "une des plus magnifique ville du litoral") beautiful town (??) of the coast-line. So, I live with my family: I 've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen years old, that is why, I got my driving licence.

    Moreover, during my spare time I do some sports, particularly I practise sailing. I love the sea and I save to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I spend my time with my friends and together we enjoy going to do shopping, to the cinema or playing music.
    What's more, I love travelling. I do a journey in Argentine for three weeks with the students of my classroom two years ago. It was fantastic!
    Furthermore, I traveled a lot in Spain to practise Spanish which I learn too in my school.Later I hope that I go I go to America! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, I don't know what profession I will do yet so, meanwhile I try to learn English...
    In short, I will like that you describe me your life in America: your hobbies?, what you enjoy doing with your friends?, yours studies?, what is your family like,...I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,



    Réponse: présentation/correction de nick27, postée le 16-09-2007 à 15:48:55 (S | E)
    C'est déjà beaucoup mieux . Voici quelques autres indications :
    1/ Ta formulation "one of the most beautiful town" est bonne à part "town" (tu peux également mettre "city" - il manque un petit quelque chose).

    2/ Pour la phrase avec tes hobbies, je la reformulerais ainsi : "We enjoy going to do shopping, going to the cinema and playing music."

    3/ "to make a journey" était correct mais c'était le temps de "make" qui n'était pas bon.

    4/note: "traveled" est l'orthographe américaine. Les Anglais écriront "travelled".

    5/ Si tu as été plusieurs fois en Espagne, je te conseillerais de mettre "I traveled a lot around Spain".

    6/ Le temps de "learn" est faux.
    7/ "too" n'est pas bien placé.

    8/ À la place de "I hope that I go" tu peux supprimer le "that" et supprimer le "I" pour donner "J'espère aller ..."

    9/ " I don't know what profession I will do yet" => tournue à la française: "I still don't know what I'll do for a living"

    10/ "I will like" ne se dit pas en anglais. On utilise une autre construction.
    "describe me" est un peu lourd. Pense à une phrase plus simple.




    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 16-09-2007 à 16:17:40 (S | E)
    est-ce que c'est mieu comme ca?

    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany in a small town, one of the most beautiful city of the coast-line. So, I live with my family: I 've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen years old, that is why, I got my driving licence.

    Moreover, during my spare time I do some sports, particularly I practise sailing. I love the sea and I save to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I spend my time with my friends and together we enjoy going to do shopping, going to the cinema and playing music.

    What's more, I love travelling. I made a journey in Argentine for three weeks with the students of my classroom two years ago. It was fantastic!

    Furthermore, I I travelled a lot around Spain to practise Spanish which I am lerning in my school too.Later I hope go to America! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, I still don't know what I'll do for a living so, meanwhile I try to learn English...

    In short, I would rather that you present your life in America: your hobbies?, what you enjoy doing with your friends?, yours studies?, what is your family like,...I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,



    Réponse: présentation/correction de nick27, postée le 16-09-2007 à 16:47:23 (S | E)
    C'est mieux mais il y a encore quelques petites choses à changer
    J'ai modifié quelques phrases pour qu'elles semblent plus naturelles.


    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany in a small town, one of the most beautiful city (accord) of the coast-line. So, I live with my family: I've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen years old that is why I got my driving licence.

    Moreover, during my spare time I like doing some sports and particularly sailing. I love the sea and at the moment I save to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I like spending time with my friends and together we enjoy going to do shopping, going to the cinema and playing music.

    What's more, I love travelling. I made a journey in Argentine for three weeks with the students of my classroom two years ago. It was fantastic!
    => J'ai enlevé "for three weeks" parce que ça n'allait pas trop dans la phrase. Il faudrait alors rajouter après "and we stayed there for three weeks"

    Furthermore, I travelled a lot around Spain to practise Spanish which I am lerning in my school too. Later I hope XX go to America (=> to the US) ! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, I still don't know what I'll do for a living so meanwhile I am trying to learn English...

    In short, I would rather that you present your life in America: your hobbies?, what you enjoy doing with your friends?, yours studies?, what is your family like,...I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,
    => pense à la stucture "I would like ...."


    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 16-09-2007 à 18:33:12 (S | E)
    Bon alors jespère que c'est preske la bonne lol je vais y arriver!
    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me "didine". I live in France in the north-west in Brittany in a small town, one of the most beautiful cities of the coast-line. So, I live with my family: I've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen years old that is why I got my driving licence.

    Moreover, during my spare time I like doing some sports and particularly sailing. I love the sea and at the moment I am saving to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I like spending time with my friends and together we enjoy going to do shopping, going to the cinema and playing music.

    What's more, I love travelling. I made a journey in Argentine with the students of my classroom two years ago. We stayed there for three weeks and it was fantastic!

    Furthermore, I travelled a lot around Spain to practise Spanish which I am learning in my school too. Later I hope to go to the US! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, I still don't know what I'll do for a living so meanwhile I am trying to learn English...

    In short, I would like that you present your life in America jarrive pas cette phrase: your hobbies?, what you enjoy doing with your friends?, yours studies?, what is your family like,...I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,
    => pense à la stucture "I would like ...."



    Réponse: présentation/correction de nick27, postée le 16-09-2007 à 19:04:23 (S | E)
    Oui on va y arriver
    Maintenant que ton texte est plus clair, voici les dernières remarques :


    - "I live in France in the north-west" => I live in northwestern France
    - "sailing ship" Tu es sûre que tu ne veux pas dire "a sailing board" ?
    - "I'm learning in my school" => "I'm learning at school"
    - la construction correcte est : I would like someone to do something (essaie de te corriger).

    Tu as fait un bel effort en tout cas


    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 16-09-2007 à 19:53:14 (S | E)
    merci beaucoup !! pour sailing ship je l'ai trouvé dans le dictionnaire pour le mot "voilier" donc du coup je sais pas.

    je fais donc une dernière tentative: LA bonne lol

    Dear X****,
    My name is S***** but sometimes my friends call me "didine". I live in northwestern France in Brittany in a small town, one of the most beautiful cities of the coast-line. So, I live with my family: I've got two brothers, Benjamin is twelve and the other, Yvan, is seventeen. Besides, I am eighteen years old that is why I got my driving licence.

    Moreover, during my spare time I like doing some sports and particularly sailing. I love the sea and at the moment I am saving to buy a sailing ship. Otherwise, I like spending time with my friends and together we enjoy going to do shopping, going to the cinema and playing music.

    What's more, I love travelling. I made a journey in Argentine with the students of my classroom two years ago. We stayed there for three weeks and it was fantastic!

    Furthermore, I travelled a lot around Spain to practise Spanish which I am learning at school too. Later I hope to go to the US! Thanks to my futur job maybe... But today, I still don't know what I'll do for a living so meanwhile I am trying to learn English...

    In short, I would like you to present your life in the US: your hobbies?, what you enjoy doing with your friends?, yours studies?, what is your family like,...I hope you answer me. Yours sincerely,



    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 16-09-2007 à 22:07:41 (S | E)
    voilà j'ai fait ça aussi jpense pas qu'il y est beaucoup de fautes
    hi hi quand je suis lancée moi

    en tout cas merci beaucoup!!!!!!!

    HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS SCHOOL?
    I have been in this school for two years. (Or since 2005).

    WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE CLASSES ?
    I wouldn’t like to change classes.

    HAVE WE MET BEFORE ?
    We didn’t meet before.

    AM I A NEW TEACHER ?
    No, you aren’t a new teacher.

    WHY DO YOU THINK I BECAME AN ENGLISH TEACHER ?
    You became an English teacher because you love this language and you like teaching.

    WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A TEACHER YOURSLF ?
    I would not like to be a teacher.

    HOW COME WE MEET AGAIN?
    We meet again because you are my English teacher.

    WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?
    I am from Bén***.

    HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABROAD ?
    Yes, I made a journey in Argentine.

    ARE YOU NEW IS THIS SCHOOL?
    No, I was here for one year yet.

    WHEN DID YOU START LEARNING ENGLISH ?
    I started English for seven years.

    HOW LONG ARE YOU HERE FOR ?
    I am here for one year yet.

    HAVE YOU GOT A NICKNAME ?
    Yes I have got a nickname.

    WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?
    I am good at sport.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FOR A JOB ?
    I don’t know what I would like to do for a job.

    WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS LIKE?
    My parents are pleasant.

    ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE HERE TODAY?
    Yes, I am very happy to be here today!

    WHAT ABOUT YOUR LAST HOLIDAYS?
    For my last holidays, I take care of children.

    WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COUNTRY ? WHY ?
    My favourite country is mine because it is very beautiful and it is at the border of the sea.

    A props d’un prospectus… :
    This document, in black and white, is a flyer. It dealt in Plymouth’s street by employees of the pub grub. They want to attract the old age pensioners that is why, they offer hem a reduction off ten per cent on main meals and bar snacks. Moreover, we see that The Newmarket Inn is open from twelve at three pm o’clock and from five at seven pm o’clock.
    In my opinion, I think this advertisement is attractive and full of information. Nevertheless, this pub choose his public and I don’t believe to part peoples contribute to favour the links between the different generations.



    Réponse: présentation/correction de jean31, postée le 17-09-2007 à 12:20:17 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    1 OK
    2 No, I wouldn't.(réponse courte à une question fermée)
    3 No, we haven't. (idem ci-dessus) ou bien Yes, we have. (en cas de réponse positive)
    4 No, you aren’t . (idem)
    5 OK
    6 No, I wouldn't.(idem)
    7 OK
    8 OK ou bien I am Belgian/Dutch/Luxemburger.
    9 OK ou bien I travelled to Argentina. (avec un a)
    10 No, I HAVE BEEN here for one year ALREADY.(lien passé/présent = present perfect obligatoire avec for)
    11 I started English seven years AGO. (ago avec le preterit)
    12 I am here for one year.
    13 Yes, I have.(réponse courte encore)
    14 OK
    15 I don’t know yet.
    16 WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS LIKE? <= Cette question appelle une description physique.
    17 Yes, I am! (réponse courte encore)
    18 DURING my last holidays, I tOOK care of children.<=(action terminée et datée = preterit)
    19 My favourite country is mine because it is very beautiful and it stretches to the sea shore.(il s'étend jusqu'au...)

    A props d’un prospectus… : (en rouge les élément à revoir)
    This document, in black and white, is a flyer. It dealt in Plymouth’s street by employees of the pub grub. They want to attract the old age pensioners that is why, they offer hem a reduction off ten per cent on main meals and bar snacks. Moreover, we see that The Newmarket Inn is open from twelve at three pm o’clock and from five at seven pm o’clock.
    In my opinion, I think this advertisement is attractive and full of information. Nevertheless, this pub choose his public and I don’t believe to part peoples contribute to favour the links between the different generations.



    Réponse: présentation/correction de jenny62, postée le 17-09-2007 à 15:29:27 (S | E)
    Bonjour! je dois rédiger une petite présentation pour demain et il ya une petite partie que j'ai du mal a traduire.

    - j'aimerais dire que l'année dernière jai fait une première année dhistoire et que j'ai arrêté parceque je n'aimais pas le systeme de la fac et que je n'arrivais pas a m'en sortir seule.
    - Last year, I took the first year of a history degree at university in Lille. I stopped because I don't like a fac system and I don't arrived alone.

    -Ensuite j'aimerais dire que j'ai obtenu mon bac pro Services (accueil,assisante) en juin 2006.
    - I obtain "my bac pro" in june 2006

    Merci d'avance


    Réponse: présentation/correction de nick27, postée le 17-09-2007 à 15:35:50 (S | E)
    Hello.
    J'ai mis en rouge les points à revoir :


    - Last year, I took the first year of a history degree at university in Lille. I stopped because I don't like a fac system and I don't arrived alone.

    -Ensuite j'aimerais dire que j'ai obtenu mon bac pro Services (accueil,assisante) en juin 2006.
    - I obtain "my bac pro" in june 2006

    Baccalauréat =
    The A-levels
    The high school diploma




    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 17-09-2007 à 17:59:19 (S | E)
    Merci bcp pour les corrections des questions!
    j'ai essayé de cooriger le reste et voilà ce que ca donne:

    This document, in black and white, is a flyer.

    This ad was handed out in Plymouth’s street by pub'employees.

    They want to attract old age pensioners that is why, they offer them reductions on main meals and bar snacks.

    Moreover, we read that The Newmarket Inn is open from twelve to three pm o’clock and from five to seven pm o’clock.

    In my opinion, this advertisement is attractive and full of information.

    Nevertheless, this pub chooses her public and I don’t believe to separate people contribute to favour the links between the different generations.



    Réponse: présentation/correction de sary, postée le 17-09-2007 à 18:07:56 (S | E)
    il a vrément lair simpas ton jeu mais le truke cest je comprend pas encore langlais

    Tu pourais bien me facilité la tache en le traduisant en francais merci davance


    Réponse: présentation/correction de jean31, postée le 17-09-2007 à 18:38:49 (S | E)
    C'est mieux !

    This document, in black and white, is a flyer.

    This ad was handed out in the streets of Plymouth by the employees of a pub.<=(cas possessifs impossibles)

    They want to attract old age pensioners that is why, they offer them reductions on main meals and bar snacks.

    Moreover, we can read that The Newmarket Inn is open from twelve noon to three o’clock pm and from five to seven o’clock pm.

    In my opinion, this advertisement is attractive and full of information.

    Nevertheless, this pub chooses its public and I don’t believe that separating/segregating people contributes to favour the links between the different generations.

    Good job!


    Réponse: présentation/correction de sophie29, postée le 17-09-2007 à 19:07:34 (S | E)
    merci beaucoup !!
    je finirai bien par faire moins de fautes lol
    bonne continuation !!


    Réponse: présentation/correction de jean31, postée le 17-09-2007 à 19:13:46 (S | E)
    merci beaucoup !!
    je finirai bien par faire moins de fautes lol
    bonne continuation !!

    Bien sûr. "C'est en forgeant qu'on devient forgeron" !




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