Dear mum (correction) (1)

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Dear mum (correction)
Message de xfeelx posté le 15-03-2008 à 18:47:42 (S | E | F)
Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger cette rédaction s'il vous plaît/ Merci

Dear mum,
I hope you will receive this letter .
Despite Mr. Devil's advertisement , I disobey him by sending you this letter .
In reality , I feel very well in this new home .
It's a new world although it's not ideal .
I know you would think I betray you but I have my new family there .
Mr Devil make us dream about a fantastic fantasy world while we're working .
We work hard, but I have to ,if I don't they would kick me .
Fortunately , they never kicked me , hence ,I can't say they are ugly with me .
You must think that I'm becoming like them however I'm not guilty . He does that .
I just wanted to told you that I will probably never come back . Even if I miss you and you miss me , I 'can't leave my twenty five new sister .
I hold some responsibility know , my duty is to help all those girl who need me . I hope also that Gracie and Daisy are home .
I hadn't heard something from them for years .
In fact , I will never saw them anymore .

Mollie
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Modifié par bridg le 15-03-2008 18:59
Retrait d'"urgent" / rien ne se fait dans l'urgence ici/
Titre
Retrait des majuscules / inutile de crier
Formules de politesse

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Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de wagnoolove, postée le 17-03-2008 à 17:17:01 (S | E)
Dear mum,
I hope you will receive my letter .
Despite MR.Devil i have disobeyed him by sending you this letter .
In reality , I feel very well in this new home .
It's a new world although it's not ideal .
I know you would think I betray you but I have my new family there .
Mr Devil make us dream about a fantastic world while we're working .
We work hard, but I have to ,if I dont want they kick me .
Fortunately , they never kicked me , hence ,I can't say they are ugly with me .
You must think that I'm becoming like them however I'm not guilty . He does that .
I just wanted to told you that I will probably never come back . Even if I miss you and you miss me , I 'can't leave my twenty five new sisters .
I hold some responsibility now , my duty is to help all those girls who need me . I also hope that Gracie and Daisy are at home .
I hadn't heard something from them for years .
In fact , I will never see them anymore .

Mollie
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Modifié par bridg le 15-03-2008 18:59
Retrait d'"urgent" / rien ne se fait dans l'urg

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Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de xfeelx, postée le 17-03-2008 à 18:29:36 (S | E)
Merci

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Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de violet91, postée le 17-03-2008 à 20:10:51 (S | E)
hello! Encore des points importants à reprendre:

mr Devil + 3ème pers.sg----if I don't,they will kick me off----pas ugly with mais bad,hard ou harsh to----wanted to + inf----I 0 apostrophe can't..---25 years- old sister----you know ou now?----those +pl----I also hope (place de l'adverbe)----I haven't heard from them for years----I will never+ inf.sans to.

Et si la personne aime sa mère,il ne faut pas terminer sans formule de politesse et d'affection.

good luck! violet

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