Monologue/Shopaholic (correction) (1)

Monologue/Shopaholic (correction)

Message de celines posté le 08-10-2008 à 20:16:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

En vue d'une évaluation orale d'anglais, je dois rédiger un monologue. Il s'agit d'une ex-acheteuse compulsive (Ms Shortridge) qui s'adresse à son banquier.

Pourriez-vous, s'il vous plaît, me dire ce que vous pensez de mon script et m'indiquer les éventuels soucis à corriger ?

"Good morning, I am Ms Shortridge. Well, I have made an appointment with you in order to...Um...How shall I put it ? If I am here it's because I need your help, that's to say, I would like you to grant me a loan. You know like me that for years, I have behaved as a shopaholic, falling prey to compulsive shopping habits. I couldn't help buying unnecessary things regardless the price. And during the festive period, I have been unable to resist flexing my credit cards to the limit. I normally spent about 800 pounds a month, with monthly repayments set at 300 pounds. But during the month of December, I spent thousands of pounds. I was not in control of my finances and I was trapped into a vicious circle. The less I saved up, the less I was keen on saving up. I pertinently know that I shouldn't have behaved like this. If only I had been reasonable!
Recently I have become aware of my bad handling of money. I have realized that I couldn't continue to live like this. As I was afraid of ending up in the street and becoming homeless, I decided to get rid of my two credit cards scissoring and throwing them away. In the past, I used to overspend whereas now, I have changed and I am willing to become money-conscious. Besides, before, I used to be a spendthrift and currently, I intend to be more thrifty.
A few days ago, I have had a car crash and I need a new car to go to work. The problem is that right now, it's tight financially, as a result I can't afford another car...Well...I understand that you could be reluctant to grant me a loan considering my situation but please...You are the only one who can help me. You won't regret it, I guarantee you."

Merci d'avance

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Réponse: Monologue/Shopaholic (correction) de intrepid34, postée le 09-10-2008 à 08:19:07 (S | E)
Bonjour Celine

C'était très bien et très amusant. Tu dois avoir une très bonne note pour ce travail, cependant il y a deux ou trois petites.........
l.2. like a shopoholic (et non "as")
l.3. had been (et non have been)
l.6. know ( et non "knew")
l.7. Recently ........ and realised that I can't continue to live like this, being afraid of ending up on the streets and becoming homeless. So, I decided............ and throw them away.
l.9. more money-conscious
l.9. Besides, et ici tu te répètes un peu la phrase precedente. Donc,
Besides, a few days ago (toujours preterit avec "ago") I had a minor mishap with my car and basically I need another one to get me to work.

Après c'est bon.

Good luck with this homework and good luck with your "loan"!!!!

Intrepid

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