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Message de graph-girl posté le 07-06-2009 à 17:26:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !
Je dois créer un dialogue avec une vendeuse d'agence de voyages à un jeune couple qui voudrait en choisir un.
Pourriez-vous corriger mon texte s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance !
S : Shop Assistant
M : The man of the couple
W : The woman of the couple
S- Good Morning Madam, Sir.
M- Hello Miss… Jacks
W- Good Morning !
S- Can I help you ?
M- Yes, please. We’d like some informations about your honeymoon tips.
S- Oh! Congratulations! You’re a beautiful couple.
W- Thanks. We’d like to have an original travel. Have you got any ideas?
S- Oh yes, it’s my job! Where do you want to go?
M- To Germany
W- To Italy
M- What? You want to go to Italy? Why?!
W- Venice is the most romantic city of the world!
M- And in Germany, there are lots of sausages &beer!
W- It’s our honeymoon, Robert! It must be romantic!
M- I hate Italians, and I love beer you know…
S- STOP IT! You’re going to marry! You can’t have an argument! So, I suggest you a fabulous tour through the USA. There are Romantic Cities, lots of alcohols…
M- It’s a good idea.
S- What are you interested in?
S- It’s an excellent choice! I’ve a got a tour for you!
S- Yeah, a big tour through the USA, you’ll be able to see famous places, Art museums… and lots of concerts.
M- I agree, but I don’t want to see Rap concerts.
W- Yes, we love Pop Rock.
S- No problem. The tour I’m proposing to you is the SMA Tour. It’s the “Stars of Music & Art” Tour. You’ll be able to see concerts of your favorites groups or news groups, museums with lots of people…
M- Ok! I think we’re going to take this tour.
W- Of course!
S- So. The tour is for 2 weeks. You’ll leave Saturday afternoon, and arrive during the night in New York. You’ll have accommodation during your trip. So, you’re going to start with a visit of the Museum of Modern Art on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, with the Brooklyn Museum.
W- It’s a Good Idea!
S- On Wednesday evening, you’ll be at the concert of Green Day, who’ll present his new album, 21st Century Breakdown. After the concert, you’ll be able to talk with the members of the group, and they’re going to give you some autographs.
M- Oh, yeah! It’s my favorite group!
S- On Thursday, you’re going to take the plane to go to Washington D.C. at 7.00 pm. The following day, you’re going to visit the National Gallery of Art and the Storm King Art Center.
W- I love this city! I think these museums are very beautiful and modern.
S- Of course. On Saturday, you’re going to aid to the Aly&AJ Concert. It’s a very good band.
W- I don’t know it. But if you like it, we too.
S- On Sunday, you’ll take the plane to go to Las Vegas, to see all the casinos. The following day, you’ll be at the concert of Linkin Park. On Tuesday, you’re going to go to San Francisco to see the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and the Menil Collection.
M- My best friend said it’s a very good place. I’m impatient!
W- You’ve got a best friend now? You didn’t say me who is it…
M- Darling, it’s Mike, your brother !
W- Oh, ok…
S- On Wednesday, you’re going to Los Angeles to be at the concert of Alesha Dixon, the new star of the pop. You’re going to go shopping with her on Thursday. In Friday, you’re going to visit the P.S. 1 Contemporary Art Center. And at night, you’ll have to take to plane to arrive in France on Sunday…
W- Will we be able to go shopping?
S- Yes of course. You’ll have free time between the concerts and museums.
M- It’s OK, so… How much is it?
S- 3000€. It’s about $4000 US Dollars.
W- Wow! It’s expensive! Robert, what do you think?
M- We’re going to marry… So, there’s only one honeymoon you know…
W- Yes, you’re right… So, we’re going to take this tour.
S- Ok! You’re going to leave this Saturday…
W- THIS SATURDAY?
W- Robert, we must make our baggages now!
M- Yes… Bye, Miss Jacks, thanks a lot for our honeymoon!
S- You’re welcome, Sir.
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-06-2009 18:20
Réponse: Dialogue/ Voyage de noces de TravisKidd, postée le 07-06-2009 à 23:48:46 (S | E)
Not bad at all, but a lot of "little" mistakes or things that could be phrased better.
"Madam" - a bit too formal, consider "Ma'am".
"Miss" is for unmarried women; if you don't know, use "Ms."
"morning" (generally not capitalized)
"information" - uncountable, never plural
"trips" (not "tips", I'm sure that was a typo)
"Thanks" - a bit too informal, consider "Thank you."
"We'd like something original."
"Germany" "Italy" (no need to repeat "To")
"the most ... in the world"
"There is lots of sausage" ("sausage" is uncountable, unless you mean different types of sausage)
"You're going to be/get married."
"May/Might I suggest to you..."
"romantic cities" (not capitalized)
"That sounds good."
"the Green Day concert"
"art museums" (not capitalized)
"rap" (not capitalized)
"pop rock" (not capitalized)
"favorite groups" (adjectives are invariable)
Use "will" instead of "be going to".
"7:00" (times are expressed with a colon)
"to aid to"??? (I don't understand this.)
"we do too".
"the plane to Las Vegas"
"I can't wait!"
"You didn't tell me who it is...."
"the newest/latest pop star"
"We've got to get packing now!"
Réponse: Dialogue/ Voyage de noces de twista, postée le 08-06-2009 à 08:28:14 (S | E)
Je n'ai rien à ajouter aux corrections de Traviskid, si ce n'est que tu utilises peut-être trop souvent "going to". Pense à "will" ou, si c'est du contditionnel,"would".
Réponse: Dialogue/ Voyage de noces de violet91, postée le 08-06-2009 à 11:26:14 (S | E)
Hello..il est vraiment "sympa" travis...and very reliable.
Un point à relever toutefois: sausage (si chair à saucisse :Uncountable) ) sinon comptable d'autant plus qu'en GB ,le breaksfast typique se compose de : bacon and eggs, sausages (two) and tomatoes (sometimes mushroom).
En Allemagne..il y a toujours plusieurs saucisses(dans une assiette) (et types des saucisses). Have a nice day.
Réponse: Dialogue/ Voyage de noces de bossarsene, postée le 08-06-2009 à 17:06:43 (S | E)
Hello le dialogue est bon, pense seulement à utiliser aussi le futur dans la forme "will"; tu as trop de "going to" mais sinon chapeau
Modifié par kolimang le 08-06-2009 21:08
Réponse: Dialogue/ Voyage de noces de graph-girl, postée le 08-06-2009 à 18:16:54 (S | E)
Merci pour la correction & les avis !