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    Correction-Essay

    << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction-Essay
    Message de alx91 posté le 19-05-2010 à 15:17:23 (S | E | F)

    Bonjour,

    Je viens de finir deux rédactions en anglais et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un aurait un peu de temps à me consacrer pour corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ? .

    Merci d'avance pour toute l'aide que vous pourrez m'apporter.

    La première :

    What changes should be introduced to improve lives of city dwellers?

    A few time ago people wanted their life to be improved so they have decided to go and gathered into cities.
    Nowadays there are more and more people who plan to join the urban territory because living conditions are better. Actually there are more people who live in a city than in the countryside.
    At first we should start improving city dweller’s behavior to each other; we could develop more and more public transports and much more important, start building cities higher than large.
    On one hand we could improve people’s behavior. Actually, there are twenty thousand people square meters in most of the biggest cities, as Paris for example. This Town is a hive of activity and despite the fact that human being is used to live in society I think that most of the stress we feel is due to the proximity between people. There are lots of examples which show that in certain ways humans can be really selfish, mostly in cities. The first thing that came to my mind is when you take public transports, like the RER. People don’t even wait for those inside to get out to enter so everybody jostle each other and it makes everybody stressful for their day of work whereas with more clearness everything could be just fine.
    On the other hand we have to reconsider the spatial development of our cities. In the first place we used to build cities for cars because it was an innovating way to move into growing cities. Secondly we extended roads off the city to the suburb because people wanted to have advantages of the city at the countryside. It has dramatically increased the number of cars using cities’ roads, parks and the greenhouses effect and so the stress due to the noise is much more important too. Cars are a real problem we have to deal with. However, there is a possibility to strive towards this goal. Instead of building skyscrapers everywhere in a large area we could build it higher to the sky. This will reduce the average size of a city. We have the technologies to do it, like the 800-meter-high skyscraper in Dubaï, Emirates. The fact that it’s possible to build that high can also allow us to save place for plantation.
    To conclude I can say that there are many ways to improve city dwellers lives. We just need to make people feel that human being needs changes.
    How are we going to handle more than one or two hours of transport or the increasing illness due to pollution?  


    Réponse: Correction-Essay de alx91, postée le 19-05-2010 à 15:18:20 (S | E)
    Et la 2ième (les 2 ne tenaient pas sur une page) :

    How hard is it to run your own business?

    A lot of people want to run their own business during their lifetimes but it’s harder than we can think. There are lots of things you have to prepare, plan and set up.
    At first, there is a preconceived idea which tells that the hardest thing to set up a business is to find the idea, but it’s wrong. The hardest thing is to set up a business on it. “Nearly one million individuals start their own business every year but only 50% still remain five years later” (stas.gouv). Starting a business takes more than an idea. It takes different kind of people specialized in specific fields. You have to invest fund and start working really hard. In fact, before a person even attempt to start a business another person should give a verdict whether or not he or she has the personality and skills to do it right. You have to think out of the box to attracted people. According to a person I know:” If you like stability of working nine to five you’re not going to be a good entrepreneur”.
    Moreover, it’s hard to set up your own business because the economic situation is uncertain and unpredictable therefore a decrease of the consumption can be followed by a drop in sales and lead you to declare bankruptcy. Another problem can put you in danger, something that can be fatal to a new company: your distribution partner can be unable to pay you in time; it means a loss for the company. Finally because of the competition you’re obliged to innovate endlessly to keep your place in the market.
    Nevertheless, there are various ways of becoming rich: winning to the national lottery, but you have to be lucky. You can become a star, but this required some rare skills. And there’s running your own business, which anyone determined enough and prepared enough, can do. It’s true that some kind of business require an enormous out lay but most only require a modest investment.
    So running you own business can be hazardous but if you’re really determinate, in decades, you can become enormously wealthy.



    Réponse: Correction-Essay de notrepere, postée le 22-05-2010 à 06:26:18 (S | E)
    Bonjour! Hello!

    What changes should be introduced to improve the lives of city dwellers?

    A few time ago [mal dit] people wanted their life [pluriel] to be improved so they have decided [le préterit seulement suffit] to go and gathered [temps] into cities.

    Nowadays, there are more and more people who plan [présent continu] to join the urban territory because living conditions are better. Actually, there are more people who live in a the city than in the countryside.

    When is your assignment due?

    -------------------
    Modifié par notrepere le 22-05-2010 06:30


    Réponse: Correction-Essay de alx91, postée le 22-05-2010 à 18:44:09 (S | E)
    Hi,

    Thanks for your answer and your help but I gave it to my teacher yesterday .

    However I note down correction you made. It can be usefull.

    With regards.



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