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    Essay/Children and Parents

    << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Essay/Children and Parents
    Message de behnaz posté le 21-05-2010 à 23:45:19 (S | E | F)

    Hello,
    here is my writing if you alter correct it for me I will be grateful,thanks

    "The Ordinary Problems between Children and Parents"
    there are so many ordinary dilemma about parents and their children, here is some of the most popular problems that I want to share with you, they are about sneak out, clothes, assignment, friends, hair style.
    sneak out:
    most of the teenagers sneak out in the middle of the night and they come back with a unwanted guest! that unwanted guest is the police! the parents are weary of this dilemma and they don’t know how to control their children! the parents are worry about them and think they’re in a crafty friend’s ambush and may perish in the streets.
    clothes:
    majority of teenager are interested in fashionable clothes and we know that fashionable clothes are so weird and they aren’t suitable for them but they use to it and parents can’t make them to abandon these clothes.
    assignment:
    children are so reluctant to do their assignment and the parents advice them numerous time but they ignore it! so they conflict each other every time!
    friends:
    parents are so cautious to making friend but they are parents! teenager’s vision is completely different and they don’t pay attention to their friend’s culture or their opinion about life and they aren’t accurate to make a friend who should be unanimous with them. some of the teenagers tell that “we can’t find a friend who is surpass us and everyone has bad behaviors too” but sometimes the friend’s bad behavior pierce them slowly and they can’t understand it but parents are aware of this problem.
    hair style:
    parents are always wretched about this problem and they’re weary of teenager’s horrid hair style! for example parents are waiting for their child at party, suddenly their child inter with green hair! and the parents and children start to rave each other in the middle of the party!


    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 21-05-2010 23:50


    Réponse: Essay/Children and Parents de gerondif, postée le 22-05-2010 à 00:02:05 (S | E)
    Hello,


    "The Ordinary Problems between Children and Parents"
    there are so many ordinary dilemma about parents and their children, here is(plural) some of the most popular problems that I want to share with you, they are about sneak(gerund, ing form) out, clothes, assignment, friends, hair style.
    sneak out:
    most of the teenagers sneak out in the middle of the night and they come back with an unwanted guest! that unwanted guest is the police! the parents are weary of this dilemma and they don’t know how to control their children! the parents are worry (either they worry about the problem (active voice) or they are worried about it (passive voice)about them and think they’re in a crafty friend’s ambush (what does it mean ?)and may perish in the streets.
    clothes:
    A majority of teenagers are interested in fashionable clothes and we know that fashionable clothes are so weird and they aren’t suitable for them but they use (check the expression:passive voice ! are used to)to it(if you mean the clothes, it's plural) and parents can’t make them to abandon these clothes.
    assignment:
    children are so reluctant to do their assignments and the parents advice (advice is a noun)them (to do them, I suppose)numerous times but they ignore it! so they conflict each other (wrong pattern)every time!
    friends:
    parents are so cautious to making(construction) friends but they are parents! a teenager’s vision is completely different and they( you start with "a teenager" and then you go into plural) don’t pay attention to their friend’s culture or their opinion about life and they aren’t accurate to (construction and meaning)make a friend who should be unanimous with them. some of the teenagers tell that “we can’t find a friend who is surpass (wrong pattern, wrong tense)us and everyone has bad behaviors too” but sometimes the friend’s bad behavior pierce(meaning?) them slowly and they can’t understand it but parents are aware of this problem.
    hair style:
    parents are always wretched (meaning?)about this problem and they’re weary (meaning? fed up with ?)of teenagers’(plural) horrid(horrible) hair style! for example parents are waiting for their child at a party, suddenly their child inter(enter is old fashioned and too formal : to go in/to come in) with green hair! and the parents and children start to rave(to shout at) each other in the middle of the party!





    Réponse: Essay/Children and Parents de notrepere, postée le 22-05-2010 à 05:15:21 (S | E)
    Hello!

    That was very generous of you, Gérondif. However, you did not chastise behnaz for not Capitalizing the first letter at the beginning of each sentence. This is not an exercise in text messaging and if you want your writing to have a professional look and if you want people to take you seriously, you need to pay attention to the details. [Do you know how many hours the moderators spend correcting students' (there's that apostrophe again!) errors? Many, many. Won't you do them a favor and try to be a little more diligent in your submissions?]

    there are so many ordinary dilemma about parents and their children, here is some of the most popular problems that I want to share with you, they are about sneak out, clothes, assignment, friends, hair style.

    Now let's take this first sentence. Other than the corrections that Gérondif already mentioned, you have about three or four different ideas all strung together with a series of commas. Here is general tip #1: When you finish one idea, end that idea before starting another.

    The first part of your sentence also needs some improvement.

    There are so many ordinary dilemmas

    I don't think these are the best words with which to begin. Let's see if we can come up with something better.

    There are many problems between parents and their children.
    There are many dilemmas that parents and children face.
    Here are some of the most common problems that I want to talk about: sneaking out, choice of clothing, doing school assignments, choice of friends, and hair styles.

    More help later if you fix these things first.





    -------------------
    Modifié par notrepere le 22-05-2010 05:17



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