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    A nice trip/correction

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    A nice trip/correction
    Message de vitellus posté le 23-01-2011 à 20:19:43 (S | E | F)
    Hi everybody!

    J'aimerais s'il vous plaît avoir une correction concernant ce texte:

    If I had the opportunity, would I go and spend a year in a foreign country? It is a very good question! To answer it, I will discuss it in two parts : first I will talk about the pros and secondly about the cons.

    First of all, if I have the possibility to go abroad, it will be of course after my A-level. Thereby I will not have to worry about exams and will have a free mind, it seems like as a wise decision! I think that to travel is a good thing for the mind, my personality, I will discover myself, so I am convinced that when I am abroad I can see my life from a different angle. I will become more mature and standalone, having to take care of myself by myself. Moreover I will meet new people and visit this country. I will be likely to volunteer back there for an non-governmental organization. I find that giving his time to help people it is the beautiful face of the humankind.
    Furthermore this kind of visit bring evidently hugely linguistically, culturally and personal fulfilment view point too. To learn a language and its customs, a abroad gap year is the very good combine.
    On the other hand, I might feel homesick, solitude and uprooted as I don't know how flexible I am. I can meet problems which I will be incapable to resolve, because I will be alone. I will miss the good moments which my friends or my family will spend together, it will be difficult to make me new friends in this new country. The language can account for a barrier itself alone.

    To put it in a nutshell, I think that to go abroad for one year it is the most wonderful thing which can arrive in the life of a man, because we always stand out from it increased come what may.

    Merci d'avance!
    Bye!

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2011 20:25



    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de laure95, postée le 24-01-2011 à 10:42:42 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    Voici ce que tu dois corriger:
    If I had the opportunity, would I go and spend a year in a foreign country? It is a very good question! To answer it, I will discuss it in two parts : first I will talk about the pros and secondly about the cons.

    First of all, if I have the possibility to go abroad, it will be of course after my A-level. Thereby I will not have to worry about (mettre 1 possessif)exams and will have a free mind, it seems like as (choisis! apas les 2!) a wise decision! I think that to travel (mettre le gérondif: verbe + -ing) is a good thing for the mind, my personality, I will discover myself, so I am convinced that when I am abroad I can (CAN n'existe pas au futur, utiliser son équivalent à mettre au futur: BE ABLE TO) see my life from a different angle. I will become more mature and standalone?, having to take care of myself by myself. Moreover I will meet new people and visit this country. I will be likely to volunteer back there for an (revois la règle de A et AN) non-governmental organization. I find that giving his time to help people it is the beautiful face of the humankind.
    Furthermore this kind of visit bring (conjugaison!) evidently hugely linguistically, culturally (1 peu lourd) and personal fulfilment view point too. To learn a language and its customs, a abroad gap year is the very good combine (mets le nom).
    On the other hand, I might feel homesick, solitude and uprooted as I don't know how flexible I am. I can meet problems which I will be incapable to resolve, because I will be alone. I will miss the good moments which my friends or my family will spend together, it will be difficult to make me new friends in this new country. The language can account for a barrier itself alone ?.

    To put it in a nutshell, I think that to go abroad for one year it is the most wonderful thing which can arrive (pas le bon mot) in the life of a man, because we always stand out from it increased come what may. (je ne comprends pas)



    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de gerondif, postée le 24-01-2011 à 11:13:07 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    "I find that giving his time" ne va pas,
    soit on reste impersonnel comme dans un dictionnaire: to give one's time,
    soit on généralise avec un: giving your time is beautiful !

    la dernière phrase non comprise par Laure est une traduction littérale de: on en sort toujours grandi, quoi qu'il en soit.




    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de vitellus, postée le 24-01-2011 à 23:05:10 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup!



    If I had the opportunity, would I go and spend a year in a foreign country? It is a very good question! To answer it, I will discuss it in two parts : first I will talk about the pros and secondly about the cons.

    First of all, if I have the possibility to go abroad, it will be of course after my A-level. Thereby I will not have to worry about my exams and will have a free mind, it seems like a wise decision! I think that traveling is a good thing for the mind, my personality, I will discover myself, so I am convinced that when I am abroad I will be able to see my life from a different angle. I will become more mature and independent, having to take care of myself by myself. Moreover I will meet new people and visit this country. I will be likely to volunteer back there for a non-governmental organization. I find that giving your time to help people is the beautiful face of the humankind.
    Furthermore this kind of visit brings evidently hugely linguistically, culturally and personal fulfilment view point too. To learn a language and its customs, abroad gap year is the very good combinaison.
    On the other hand, I might feel homesick, solitude and uprooted as I don't know how flexible I am. I will be able to meet problems which I will be incapable to resolve, because I will be alone. I will miss the good moments which my friends or my family will spend together, it will be difficult to make new friends in this new country. The language can account for a barrier itself.
    To put it in a nutshell, I think that to go abroad for one year is the most wonderful thing which can take place in the life of a man, because we always stand out from it increased come what may.



    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de gerondif, postée le 24-01-2011 à 23:23:31 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,
    If I had the opportunity, would I go and spend a year in a foreign country? It is a very good question! To answer it, I will discuss it in two parts : first I will talk about the pros and secondly about the cons.

    First of all, if I have the possibility to go abroad, it will be of course after my A-level(ils en passent en général au moins 3, alors un pluriel....). Thereby (so ou consequently seraient quand même plus courants) I will not have to worry about my exams any more and will have a free mind, it seems like( like ne me semble pas utile, to look like to sound like signifient ressembler à, or vous dites: ça semble être une bonne décision) a wise decision! I think that traveling( 2 l en anglais) is a good thing for the mind, my personality, I will discover myself, so I am convinced that when I am abroad I will be able to see my life from a different angle. I will become more mature and independent, having to take care of myself by myself. Moreover I will meet new people and visit this (pourquoi this? leur pays irait mieux) country. I will be likely to volunteer back there for a non-governmental organization. I find that giving your time to help people is the beautiful face of the humankind.
    Furthermore this kind of visit brings evidently hugely linguistically, culturally (cette liste d'adverbes en ly semble incongrue, j'aurais mis des adjectifs) and personal fulfilment view point too (je ne comprends pas cette construction de phrase ou son sens, il me semble manquer des mots si vous vouliez dire: ce type de visite apporte evidemment un énorme épanouissement personnel,linguistique et culturel, de mon point de vue , sinon que vient faire view point ici?) ). To learn a language and its customs, ( a gap year abroad serait meiux) abroad gap year is the (plutôt a) very good combinaison.
    On the other hand, I might feel homesick,(vous commencez avec un adjectif, continuez ainsii, solitude est un nom, pensez à "lonely") solitude and uprooted as I don't know how flexible I am. I will be able to (j'aurais plutôt mis, il se pourrait que avec l'auxiliaire may ou might (eventualité))meet problems which I will be incapable (of + ing)to resolve, because I will be alone. I will miss the good moments which my friends or my family will spend (on dit aussi to have a good time) together, it will be difficult to make new friends in this new country. The language can account for a barrier itself.(itself est mal placé je pense, the language itself can.... account for ne me semble pas être le bon verbe, être ou constituer seraient mieux)
    To put it in a nutshell, I think that to go (ou gérondif) abroad for one year is the most wonderful thing which can take place in the life of a man, because we always stand out from it increased( ne va pas, on dirait un travail automatique) come what may.




    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de vitellus, postée le 24-01-2011 à 23:53:35 (S | E)
    If I had the opportunity, would I go and spend a year in a foreign country? It is a very good question! To answer it, I will discuss it in two parts : first I will talk about the pros and secondly about the cons.

    First of all, if I have the possibility to go abroad, it will be of course after my A-levels. Consequently I will not have to worry about my exams any more and will have a free mind, it seems a wise decision! I think that travelling is a good thing for the mind, my personality, I will discover myself, so I am convinced that when I am abroad I will be able to see my life from a different angle. I will become more mature and independent, having to take care of myself by myself. Moreover I will meet new people and visit their country. I will be likely to volunteer back there for a non-governmental organization. I find that giving your time to help people is the beautiful face of humankind.
    Furthermore this kind of visit brings evidently hugely linguistically, culturally (cette liste d'adverbes en ly semble incongrue, j'aurais mis des adjectifs) and personal fulfilment view point too (je ne comprends pas cette construction de phrase ou son sens, il me semble manquer des mots si vous vouliez dire: ce type de visite apporte evidemment un énorme épanouissement personnel,linguistique et culturel, de mon point de vue , sinon que vient faire view point ici?) ) Comment faire?. To learn a language and its customs, a gap year abroad is a very good combinaison.
    On the other hand, I might feel homesick, lonely and uprooted as I don't know how flexible I am. I might meet problems which I will be incapable of resolving, because I will be alone. I will miss the good moments which my friends or my family will have a good time together, it will be difficult to make new friends in this new country. The language itself can constitute a barrier. To put it in a nutshell, I think that going abroad for one year is the most wonderful thing which can take place in the life of a man, because we always stand out from it increased( ne va pas, on dirait un travail automatique) que faire? come what may.



    Réponse: A nice trip/correction de notrepere, postée le 25-01-2011 à 05:31:11 (S | E)
    Bonjour!

    A mon avis, il faut utiliser le "subjunctive/unreal conditional" pour la majorité du texte. Par exemple:

    If you had the opportunity, would you travel abroad? (Unreal conditional)

    If I were a rich man, I would build a big house...

    ...if I had the possibility to go abroad, it would be, of course, after ...

    ...I am convinced that if I were abroad I would be able to see my life...

    combinaison orthographe

    I might meet with [verbe à particule ou peut dire 'encounter' aussi] problems which I would be incapable of resolving, because I would be alone. I would miss the good moments which my friends or my family would have a good time together, and [il faut une conjonction]it might be difficult to make new friends in this new country. The language itself could constitute a barrier.

    Pour le 'unreal conditional', 'will' devient 'would' dans votre texte.

    Cordialement






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