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    Rédaction d'anglais

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

    [POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


    Rédaction d'anglais
    Message de lablack38 posté le 02-04-2011 à 18:22:56 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,

    Pourriez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait? j'ai fait cette rédaction mais je ne suis pas sûr de moi au niveau de l'anglais. Je n'ai pas un très bon niveau d'anglais, désolé par avance.

    Voici le sujet :
    Write the scene in which Alix finds the newspaper cuttings. It should be organized as follows:
    Sart first with a visit or a phone call informing Alix her husband is a woman killer. Tihs part include a dialogue. Create next situation in which Aliw is alone and puzzled. Then conclude with her exploring the house and finding the cuttings. These two part should include Alix's toughts.

    Voici le début :

    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    " Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to distrub you, I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard, can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? says a man.
    - This is me,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - yes, I am alone. What happens Mr. Inspector?
    - Hear what I tell you, but mostly stay quiet and discreet.
    - Yes...
    - I call you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I'm about Investigating about the series of murders that occurred in our region, eight women died.
    - What is the relationship with my husband?
    - We think, your husband is behind this series of murder. One man said he saw your husband on the evening of the assinat of Mary Hopkins, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that corresponds to your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, it was I who had charge of the case at this time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three spade bloodstained. All women have been killed with a spade.I think your husband is a woman-killer .But we are sure of nothing and can currently not stop it. I ask you to be very vigilant, call me when he returns,stay calm
    - Yes, Thank you Mr. Inspector, good bye ""
    At this moment, she nearly fainted. She thinks it was impossible.Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald is a man very nice,smiling and attentive." But why did he say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why he returned late at night? " she thoughts. Little by little doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And if the man was right ? " she thought. She feels pale and trembling.

    Voilà. Merci par avance pour votre aide .

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 02-04-2011 18:26



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de cindy69, postée le 02-04-2011 à 20:12:34 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    " Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to DISTURB you, I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard, can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? says a man.
    - It's me,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - yes, I am alone. What happens Mr. Inspector?
    - Hear what I tell you Listen to me, but mostly stay quiet and discreet.cette phrase ne va pas
    - Yes...
    - I call you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I'm about Investigating about the series of murders which happened in the region, eight women died.
    - What is the relationship with my husband?
    We think, your husband is guilty. A man said he saw him on the evening of the assinat of Mary Hopkins ????, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that corresponds to your husband.
    - But ... Doyou know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, i was who had charge of the case at this time.Tu dois changer la fin de la phrase
    - I ... I didn't know that
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three spade bloodstained. All women have been killed with a spade.I think your husband is a woman-killer .But we are sure of nothing and can currently not stop it. I ask you to be very vigilant, call me when he returns,stay calm
    - Yes, Thank you Mr. Inspector, good bye ""
    At this moment, she nearly fainted. She thinks it was impossible.Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald is a very nice man ,smiling and attentive." But why did he say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why he returned late at night? " she thoughts. Little by little doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And if the man was right ? " she thought. She feels pale and trembling.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 02-04-2011 21:52



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de cindy69, postée le 02-04-2011 à 20:14:12 (S | E)
    La dernière phrase est aussi à revoir, j'ai oublié de la mettre en rouge.
    Je ne parle pas couramment, et donc il se peut que j'aie oublié des fautes, j'espère que ça t'aidera un peu...

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 02-04-2011 21:53



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de notrepere, postée le 03-04-2011 à 01:30:37 (S | E)
    Hello

    Beaucoup de conseils de cindy69 sont justes mais je ferai à nouveau une correction.

    - Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to disturb you, [point] I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard, [point] Can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? says a man (1).
    - This is me, (2)what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - Yes, I am alone. What happens (3) Mr. Inspector?
    - Hear what I tell you, but mostly stay quiet and discreet. (4)
    - Yes...
    - I call (5) you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I'm about (6) Investigating about the series of murders that occurred in our region in which eight women died.
    - What is the relationship (7) with my husband?
    - We think your husband is behind this series of murder (8). One man said he saw your husband on the evening of the assinat (9) of Mary Hopkins, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that corresponds (10) to your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, and it was I who had charge of the case at this that time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three spade (12) bloodstained (11). All of the women have been (13) killed with a spade. I think your husband is a woman-killer. But we are sure of nothing and can currently (14) not stop it. I ask you to be very vigilant, [point] call me when he returns, and stay calm.
    - Yes, Thank you Mr. Inspector, good bye ""
    At this that moment, she nearly fainted. She thinks it was impossible. Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald is a man very nice (15),smiling and attentive." But why did he say anything about the affair 11 years ago? (17) Why he returned late at night? " she thoughts. Little by little doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And what if the man was right ? " she thought. She feels (19) pale and trembling.

    (1) pas dit-il un homme; "he said"
    (2) pas clair. Qui parle? "Hello Inspector", said Mrs Lemaitre, ...
    (3) temps à revoir: Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé ?
    (4) A refaire
    (5) Temps à revoir
    (6) verbe (to be) au present perfect
    (7) pas le bon mot: connection vaut mieux
    (8) pluriel
    (9) pas un mot anglais
    (10) autre mot
    (11) adjectif avant le nom
    (12) il y a trois donc pluriel.
    (13) pas le bon temps
    (14) mal placé
    (15) ordre des mots; il s'agit de mettre 'man' après tous les adjectifs.
    (16) quelque chose
    (17) De qui parlez-vous? But why didn't he (Gerald) or But why did he (the Inspector)?
    (18) temps et forme
    (19) simple past
    ------------------
    Modifié par notrepere le 03-04-2011 01:31



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de lablack38, postée le 03-04-2011 à 16:22:23 (S | E)
    Hello!

    cindy69 et notrepere je vous remercie pour votre aide. Vous m'avez énormément aidé, revoici le texte, je prépare la suite de a rédaction :


    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    - Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard.Can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? He said.
    - Hello Inspector, said Mrs Lemaitre,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - Yes, I am alone. What's going on Mr. Inspector?
    - Listen me,
    - Yes...
    - I called you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I have Investigating about the series of murders that occurred in our region in which eight women died.
    - What is the connection with my husband?
    - We think your husband is behind this series of murders. One man said he saw your husband on the evening of the murder of Mary Hopkins, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that looks like to your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, and it was I who had charge of the case at this that time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three spades must bloodstained. All of the women had been killed with a spade. I think your husband is a woman-killer. But we are sure of nothing and can not stop it currently. I ask you to be very vigilant. Call me when he returns, and stay calm.
    - Yes, Thank you Mr. Inspector, good bye ""
    At this that moment, she nearly fainted. She thinks it was impossible. Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald is a very nice ,smiling and attentive man." But why did Gerald say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why he returnes late at night? " she thoughts. Little by little doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And what if the man was right ? " she thought. She felt pale and trembling.



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de notrepere, postée le 03-04-2011 à 17:17:08 (S | E)
    Bonjour! Très bon travail. Peu de fautes restées

    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    - Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard. Can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? (1) he said.
    - Hello Inspector, said Mrs Lemaitre,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - Yes, I am alone. What's going on Mr. (2) Inspector?
    - Listen (3) me,
    - Yes...
    - I called you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I have been investigating about (2) the series of murders that occurred in our region in which eight women died.
    - What is the connection with my husband?
    - We think your husband is behind this series of murders. One man said he saw your husband on the evening of the murder of Mary Hopkins (4), he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that looks like to (2) your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, and it was I who had charge of the case at this (2) that time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three spades must bloodstained (5). All of the women had been (6) killed with a spade. I think your husband is a woman-killer. But we are sure of nothing and can not (7) stop it currently. I ask you to be very vigilant. Call me when he returns, and stay calm.
    - Yes, Thank you Mr. (2) Inspector, good bye ""
    At this (2) that moment, she nearly fainted. She thinks (6) it was impossible. Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald is (6) a very nice ,smiling and attentive man." But why did (8) Gerald say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why * (9) he returnes late at night? " she thoughts (10). Little by little, doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And what if the man was right ? " she thought. She felt pale and trembling.

    (1) Qui répond à la téléphone? Elle n'est pas seule, non?
    (2) Inutile
    (3) verbe à particule: écoutez moi = Listen * me...
    (4) ou forme possessive: George Smith's murder
    (5) il faut mettre "bloodstained" avant "spades"; "must" est inutile
    (6) simple past
    (7) un seul mot; pas d'espace
    (8) forme négative
    (9) auxiliare manquant
    (10) simple past; le verbe 'wonder' vaut mieux





    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de lablack38, postée le 04-04-2011 à 22:01:04 (S | E)
    Hello ! Encore un grand merci pour votre aide!
    revoici le texte, je posterais demain la suite qui sera plus courte.

    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    - Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard. Can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? (1) he said.
    - Hello Inspector, said Mrs Lemaitre,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - Yes, I am alone. What's going on Inspector?
    - Listen to me,
    - Yes...
    - I called you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I have been investigating the series of murders that occurred in our region in which eight women died.
    - What is the connection with my husband?
    - We think your husband is behind this series of murders. One man said he saw your husband on the evening of Mary Hopkins's murder, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that looks like your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, and it was I who had charge of the case at that time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three bloodstained spades. All of the women were killed with a spade. I think your husband is a woman-killer. But we are sure of nothing and can't stop it currently. I ask you to be very vigilant. Call me when he returns, and stay calm.
    - Yes, Thank you Inspector, good bye ""
    At that moment, she nearly fainted. She thought it was impossible. Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald was a very nice ,smiling and attentive man. " But why didn't Gerald say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why is he returnes late at night? " she wonder. Little by little, doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And what if the man was right ? " she thought. She felt pale and trembling.

    (1) c'est Mrs.Lemaitre qui répond au telephone, mais à ce moment là, l'inspecteur demande à parler à Mrs.Lemaitre ( il n'a pas reconnu la voix de celle-ci)

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 04-04-2011 22:12



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de notrepere, postée le 05-04-2011 à 05:24:22 (S | E)
    Hello, très bien
    Why does he return es late at night? " she wondered.
    Cordialement



    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de lablack38, postée le 05-04-2011 à 15:08:05 (S | E)
    Hello! Encore un grand merci =)
    Voilà mon texte en entier :

    It was five o'clock when the phone rang. She wondered " who can it be ? "

    - Hello!
    - Good morning, I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Inspector John Harris of Scotland Yard. Can I speak to Mrs. Lemaitre ? he said.
    - Hello Inspector, said Mrs Lemaitre,what can I do for you?
    - Are you alone ?
    - Yes, I am alone. What's going on Inspector?
    - Listen to me,
    - Yes...
    - I called you about your husband, Charles Lemaitre. I have been investigating the series of murders that occurred in our region in which eight women died.
    - What is the connection with my husband?
    - We think your husband is behind this series of murders. One man said he saw your husband on the evening of Mary Hopkins's murder, he prowled around his car. He drew a sketch that looks like your husband.
    - But ... you know my husband?
    - Yes, he was involved in a rape case 11 years ago, and it was I who had charge of the case at that time.
    - I ... I was not aware of that ...
    - I'm sorry...We found his fingerprints on three bloodstained spades. All of the women were killed with a spade. I think your husband is a woman-killer. But we are sure of nothing and can't stop it currently. I ask you to be very vigilant. Call me when he returns, and stay calm.
    - Yes, Thank you Inspector, good bye ""
    At that moment, she nearly fainted. She thought it was impossible. Her husband could not be a woman killer. Gerald was a very nice ,smiling and attentive man. " But why didn't Gerald say anything about the affair 11 years ago? Why does he return late at night? " she wonder. Little by little, doubt intermingled with her thoughts " And what if the man was right ? " she thought. She felt pale and trembling.

    she decides to go in Gerald's study to find clues.In it, she rummaged cautiously under a chest of drawers, then she found a notebook. She discovered inside, a newspaper cuttings of the murders of women that occurred in the region. Alix was at a loss words. She understand her husband is a woman-killer.





    Réponse: Rédaction d'anglais de may, postée le 06-04-2011 à 02:30:43 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,

    I follow up..


    Why does he return late at night? " she wondered (as notrepere)

    she decides to go in Gerald's study to find/chercher clues/évidence est mieux. In it/the room, she rummaged cautiously under/autre prép. a chest of drawers, then she found a notebook. She discovered inside, (a) newspaper cuttings of the murders of women that occurred in the region. Alix was at a loss mot manquant words. She understand/realizes her husband is a woman-killer.

    Hope this helps,





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