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    Dissertation/Correction

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Dissertation/Correction
    Message de princessblood posté le 18-03-2012 à 16:09:45 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,

    pourriez-vous m'aider à me corriger s'il vous plaît?
    Merci d'avance!

    At the morning of the day after a gloomy Saint Patrick’s Day, my grand-father seems unusually nettled and irked. After a sulky silent, he gave vent to his rage and his intense disgust he has tried to contain in vain. He was directly flushed with anger. He was so red in the face I wonder whether he would explode like a tomato thrown against the wall. I watched in fascination this transformation but I admit I was a little bit anxious. What is wrong with him? But it was during this very morning that my grand-father have mentioned past in front of me for the first time. My birthday was coming soon and I would turn 16 years old. According to him, I had the right to know; to learn why I was not allowed to feast this big day, to organize parties with friends, to have nights out or anything like those teenage entertainments. He accounted for why all soap operas of the past decades were so far from the current reality, from our way of life. Here was what he said to me: “At the beginning that is to say a long time ago, our country was listed as the world’s most dangerous country. Every day, there was a lot of shoplifting. It was the death of shop, their dread. The ashamed government decided to take control again. Prevention measures and laws were unanimously voted and police applies them nationwide. Shoplifting decreased to delight’s shopkeepers. However, while nonviolent crimes fast went down, other crimes appear. That is how kidnapping, vandalism and each nocturnal crime thrived. This fact was the evidence of the inefficacy of the security introduced in cities. The official statistics terrified and threw the population into a panic. It was a dark time. Nobody dare trust to strangers, neighbours and even friends, parents. There is a lot of anxiety, fear and suspicion among young and old people. All the society was affected. Nevertheless, a change brought about. First, it was just an unassumingly change, but before long it turned into a truly upheaval. In fact, when the failure of the security was ascertained, the government resigned. While the general panic was peaking, a new politician weaved his way through the enduring conflict and managed to be in the limelight. Before anyone realised his presence, everybody liked him. He quickly became a famous and well-liked politician. He has a great presence. He was eloquent. He was perfect and embodied the long-awaited saviour. Nobody mistrust and it was why he won election. 82% of the population gave him their support. It was extraordinary. It was a politic record. After a speech of thanks, he makes install a network of cameras across the country. He said the purpose was to protect us. But after come apprehensions of criminals, a real tyranny and persecution began. The surveillance by videotape didn’t help civilian protection anymore. It was used to monitor population movements. It was how Big Brother saw the light of day, Honey and also how you cannot have a great party. ”

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2012 16:38
    Pourquoi n'allez-vous jamais à la ligne afin de créer des paragraphes, ce qui rendrait votre texte plus lisible.


    Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de notrepere, postée le 19-03-2012 à 16:56:32 (S | E)
    Bonjour

    At the morning of the day after a gloomy Saint Patrick’s Day, my grand-father seems unusually nettled and irked. After a sulky silent, he gave vent to his rage and his intense disgust he had tried to contain in vain. He was directly flushed with anger. He was so red in the face that I wondered whether he would explode like a tomato thrown against the wall. I watched in fascination this transformation but I admit I was a little bit anxious. What is wrong with him? But it was during this very morning that my grand-father have mentioned past in front of me for the first time. My birthday was coming soon and I would turn 16 years old. According to him, I had the right to know; to learn why I was not allowed to feast on this big day, to organize parties with friends, to have nights out or anything like those teenage entertainments. He accounted for why all soap operas of the past decades were so far from the current reality, from our way of life. Here was what he said to me: “At the beginning that is to say a long time ago, our country was listed as the world’s most dangerous country. Every day, there was a lot of shoplifting. It was the death of shop, their dread. The ashamed government decided to take control again. Prevention measures and laws were unanimously voted in and police applies them nationwide. Shoplifting decreased to delight’s shopkeepers (the delight of the shopkeepers). However, while nonviolent crimes fast went down, other crimes appear[ ]. That is how kidnapping, vandalism and each nocturnal crime thrived. This fact was the evidence of the inefficacy of the security introduced in cities. The official statistics terrified and threw the population into a panic. It was a dark time. Nobody dare[ ] trust to strangers, neighbours and even friends, parents. There is was a lot of anxiety, fear and suspicion among young and old people. All the of society was affected. Nevertheless, a change brought about . First, it was just an unassumingly change, but before long it turned into a truly upheaval. In fact, when the failure of the security was ascertained, the government resigned. While the general panic was peaking, a new politician weaved his way through the enduring conflict and managed to be in the limelight. Before anyone realised his presence, everybody liked him. He quickly became a famous and well-liked politician. He has a great presence. He was eloquent. He was perfect and embodied the long-awaited saviour. Nobody mistrust[ ] and it was why he won [ ] election. 82% of the population gave him their support. It was extraordinary. It was a politic record. After a speech of thanks, he makes install[ ] a network of cameras across the country. He said the purpose was to protect us. But after come apprehensions of criminals, a real tyranny and persecution began. The surveillance by videotape (videotape surveillance) didn’t help civilian protection (to protect civilians) anymore. It was used to monitor population movements. It was how Big Brother saw the light of day, Honey and also how you cannot have a great party. ”





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