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    Correction/aventurier

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/aventurier
    Message de claudie0408 posté le 21-04-2012 à 19:11:56 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,

    Ma professeur d'anglais m'a demandé de faire une rédaction pendant les vacances et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait me dire si j'ai fait des fautes grammaticales ou lexicales sachant que je l'ai fait avec un dictionnaire et ce que je savais ( je suis en 4e). Merci pour vos réponses.
    Voici mon sujet :
    "Tu as rencontré un explorateur célèbre. Il a fait des choses extraordinaires dans sa vie. Ecris un paragraphe sur ses expériences : où il est allé, ce qu'il a déjà fait ou jamais fait, depuis combien de temps il est explorateur, donne des détails sur le moment où il a fait ces choses ..."
    Et ce que j'ai écrit :

    This world explorer is the famous Marsupi Jones. He become explorer 4 years ago. Before, he was a farmer in Texas, and now, he's a new man : a courageous explorer. He love his new life because she's very exciting. For the moment, he has been to Brazil, South Africa, Tunisia, Haïti ... His favourite trip is the one in Amazonia. In this trip, he has swung from tree to tree, he has clumb trees with monkeys, he has slept next to snakes, he has swum together with pirahnas, he has fished crocodiles, he has washed his hair with leeches, he has eaten smocked carnivorous plants, grilled grasshopers and a big panther that he captured with a fishing net before he leaves in Congo. He went in Congo in 2007 and he brought back a cooking pot. After, he went  in Brazil in Easter 2008. He brought back a bresilian bangle with bresilian flag. He has been to Australia too. He went there in Summer 2008. He saw a kangaroo to jump and he bought a fluffy kangaroo similar. He brought back a tom tom in Spring 2009. This tom tom come from South Africa. He has been to Haïti after this trip. He went there in 2011. He surfed there. Maybe he heat cold countries because he has never been to cold countries.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 21-04-2012 20:02


    Réponse: Correction/aventurier de sherry48, postée le 22-04-2012 à 02:45:33 (S | E)
    Hello claudie0408.

    *= a missing article or preposition. You can use simple past to describe a trip that started and was completed at a specific time in the past. He has been to Brazil many times. He went to Brazil last year.

    This world explorer is the famous Marsupi Jones. He become * explorer 4 years ago. Before, he was a farmer in Texas, and now, he's a new man : a courageous explorer. He love his new life because she's very exciting. For the moment, he has been to Brazil, South Africa, Tunisia, Haïti ... His favourite trip is the one in * Amazonia. In this trip, he has swung from tree to tree, he has clumb trees with monkeys, he has slept next to snakes, he has swum together with pirahnas, he has fished * crocodiles, (there's a different verb for crocodiles) he has washed his hair with leeches, (he washed his hair with water...the leeches were in the water) he has eaten smocked carnivorous plants, grilled grasshopers and a big panther that he captured with a fishing net before he leaves in * Congo. He went in * Congo in 2007 and he brought back a cooking pot. After, he went in Brazil in Easter * 2008. He brought back a bresilian bangle with * bresilian flag. He has been to Australia too. He went there in * Summer * 2008. He saw a kangaroo to jump and he bought a fluffy kangaroo similar (Did you mean that the fluffy kangaroo looked just like the real one?). He brought back a tom tom in * Spring * 2009. This tom tom come from South Africa. He has been to Haïti after this trip. He went there in 2011. He surfed there. Maybe he heat cold countries because he has never been to cold countries.

    Your long list of activities in the Amazon ends with leaving the Congo. That seems a little confusing.
    Sherry



    Réponse: Correction/aventurier de claudie0408, postée le 22-04-2012 à 17:46:53 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    C'est mieux comme cela?

    This world explorer is the famous Marsupi Jones. He became an explorer 4 years ago. Before, he was a farmer in Texas, and now, he's a new man : a courageous explorer. He love his new life because it's very exciting. He has been to Brazil, South Africa, Tunisia, Haïti ... His favourite trip is the one to Amazonia. This trip, he has swung from tree to tree, he has clumb trees with monkeys, he has slept next to snakes, he has swum together with pirahnas, he has caught six crocodiles, he has washed his hair with leeches, (he washed his hair with water...the leeches were in the water) he has eaten smoked carnivorous plants, grilled grasshoppers and a big panther that he captured with a fishing net before he leaves to Congo. He leaves to Congo in 2007 and he brought back a cooking pot. After, he went in Brazil in Easter of 2008. He brought back a bresilian bangle with a bresilian flag. He has been to Australia too. He went there in summer of 2008. He saw a kangaroo to jump and he bought a fluffy kangaroo similar He brought back a tom tom in Spring of 2009. This tom tom came from South Africa. He has been to Haïti after this trip. He went there in 2011. He surfed there. Maybe he heat cold countries because he has never been to cold countries.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 22-04-2012 17:50



    Réponse: Correction/aventurier de sherry48, postée le 22-04-2012 à 23:11:46 (S | E)
    Hello again.
    You've made some improvements. Below I have explained what was wrong with some of the areas that I suggested you look at again, but I have not marked them all again, if you didn't make changes the first time. Apparently, you didn't like my suggestion about the past tense. Nevertheless...On his trips he has swung from tree to tree, he has slept next to snakes, and he has eaten grilled grasshoppers. But...On his trip to the Amazon he swung from tree to tree, he slept next to snakes, and he ate grilled grasshoppers. It is up to you now.

    This world explorer is the famous Marsupi Jones. He became an explorer 4 years ago. Before, he was a farmer in Texas, and now, he's a new man : a courageous explorer. He love (agreement) his new life because it's very exciting. He has been to Brazil, South Africa, Tunisia, Haïti ... His favourite trip is the one to * Amazonia. This 1 trip, he has swung from tree to tree, he has clumb (regular verb) trees with monkeys, he has slept next to snakes, he has swum together with pirahnas, he has caught six crocodiles, he has washed his hair with leeches, he has eaten smoked carnivorous plants, grilled grasshoppers and a big panther that he captured with a fishing net before he leaves (past tense) to Congo. (Did he leave the Amazon to go to the Congo?)He leaves (past tense) to Congo in 2007 and he brought back a cooking pot. After, he went in Brazil in Easter 2 of 2008. He brought back a bresilian bangle with a bresilian flag. He has been to Australia too. He went there in * summer of 2008. He saw a kangaroo to jump and he bought a fluffy kangaroo similar He brought back a tom tom (one word) in * Spring of 2009. This tom tom came from South Africa. He has been to Haïti after this trip. He went there in 2011. He surfed there. Maybe he heat (heat=chaleur) cold countries because he has never been to cold countries.
    1.This-close, near, or recent/that-farther away. You decide.
    2.Since Easter is not a season or a month, 'in' is an incorrect preposition.
    Sherry




    Réponse: Correction/aventurier de claudie0408, postée le 23-04-2012 à 11:14:13 (S | E)
    I think it's good now.In this writing I has to use the past perfect, that is why I do not have to change these time.


    This world explorer is the famous Marsupi Jones. He became an explorer 4 years ago. Before, he was a farmer in Texas, and now, he's a new man : a courageous explorer. He loves his new life because it's very exciting. He has been to Brazil, South Africa, Tunisia, Haïti ... His favourite trip is the one in Amazonia. This recent trip, he has swung from tree to tree, he has climbed trees with monkeys, he has slept next to snakes, he has swum together with piranhas, he has caught six crocodiles, he has washed his hair with leeches, he has eaten smoked carnivorous plants, grilled grasshoppers and a big panther that he captured with a fishing net before he went in Congo. He left to Congo in 2007 and he brought back a cooking pot. After, he went in Brazil to Easter of 2008. He brought back a brazilian bangle with a brazilian flag. He has been to Australia too. He went there to summer of 2008. He saw a kangaroo to jump and he bought a fluffy kangaroo similar He brought back a tomtom to spring of 2009. This tomtom came from South Africa. He has been to Haïti after this trip. He went there in 2010. He surfed there. Maybe he hate cold countries because he has never been to cold countries.

    Thank you very much !! Merci beaucoup !! I hope that that did not too much disturb to you !! J'espère que ça ne vous a pas trop dérangé !!

    -------------------
    Modifié par claudie0408 le 23-04-2012 11:47





    Réponse: Correction/aventurier de sherry48, postée le 23-04-2012 à 14:51:46 (S | E)
    Hello. Of course it's no bother!
    You can use the past perfect here if you change your 'introduction'. For example...On his many trips he has swung...
    Also...go (went) to....
    Do some research, is it at or on Easter?
    In seasons...
    Nations and nationalities are always capitalized.
    He saw a jumping kangaroo (the infinitive doesn't go here) and he bought a fluffy kangaroo that looked very similar to it. He has been to Haïti. He went there in 2010, after the trip to Australia.... Maybe he hate cold countries (agreement)
    I think that should do it....Sherry




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