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    Rédaction/correction (1)

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

    Ce sujet est fermé. Vous ne pouvez pas poster de réponse.


    Rédaction/correction
    Message de sissi1490 posté le 22-09-2012 à 04:06:30
    Bonjour !

    Est-ce vous pourriez corriger mon travail s'il vous plaît?
    Consigne : In 200 words(20 lines) write an article on one of the champions (in the third person).

    Michael Fred Phelps is a formidable athlete and has a great talent.
    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born the 30 June 1985 on Towson is a swimmer American, he is in the Club Wolverine Swimming. He participates on The Olympics Games of London and is came back triumphant at the back, he is the athlete who has to win the most modals at JO with in all 28 medals: 18 gold, 2 silver and 2 bronze, all sports mingled. What’s more he was too six times the swimmer global of years. Swimmer of talent, several champions of world, then the JO of Pekin, in 2008, he win eight medals of gold on the eight hardships that he is registered entering so in the legend and become the champion of world with the most of medals. In this prize list here not that of titer global here too of the titer international. But for to be a champion, in this youth affected of hyperactivity he practices therefore of the swimming for him and for follow this sisters but finish by participate actively at training and begin to get this qualification. He participates at The Olympics Games on Sydney and become the second American the youngest of world however he don’t wins the medals. With a strong determination he continues the competition and very early he wins several victories it will bring to win the most of medals and made three new world records on Olympics Games on London and so called “The Baltimore Bullet”.

    Merci d'avance de votre aide !

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 22-09-2012 08:12

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 23-09-2012 23:09
    Traduction en ligne refusée.


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de bernard02, postée le 22-09-2012 à 05:05:56
    Bonjour,

    j' ai repéré en rouge les points qui, à mon avis, doivent être corrigés. Je n'ai fait qu'un survol, et je n'ai pas un niveau d'expert, il est donc probable que j'aie oublié certaines fautes ou que je me sois trompé.
    Cependant, il me semble que ces actions sont passées au moment où vous écrivez, il faut donc écrire les verbes au passé, me semble-t-il. Quant à certaines expressions, l'ordre des mots est parfois à revoir, ou elles sont à reformuler complètement.

    Michael Fred Phelps is a formidable athlete and has a great talent.
    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born the 30 June 1985 on Towson is a swimmer American, he is in the Club Wolverine Swimming. He participates on The Olympics Games of London and is came back triumphant at the back, he is the athlete who has to win the most modals at JO with in all 28 medals: 18 gold, 2 silver and 2 bronze, all sports mingled. What’s more he was too six times the swimmer global of years. Swimmer of talent, several champions of world, then the JO of Pekin, in 2008, he win eight medals of gold on the eight hardships that he is registered entering so in the legend and become the champion of world with the most of medals. In this prize list here not that of titer global here too of the titer international. But for to be a champion, in this youth affected of hyperactivity he practices therefore of the swimming for him and for follow this sisters but finish by participate actively at training and begin to get this qualification. He participates at The Olympics Games on Sydney and become the second American the youngest of world however he don’t wins the medals. With a strong determination he continues the competition and very early he wins several victories it will bring to win the most of medals and made three new world records on Olympics Games on London and so called “The Baltimore Bullet”.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 22-09-2012 08:14


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de sissi1490, postée le 23-09-2012 à 16:04:30
    Voici ma correction :

    -June 30, 1985 to
    -American swimmer
    -was participated
    -was came
    -won
    -medals
    -28 medals
    -six times also
    - several times champoins
    -won
    -was
    -thus entering
    -became
    -to be
    -was practiced
    -follow this
    -was finished
    -began
    -was participated
    -to
    -became
    -didn't won
    -was continued
    -won
    -it brought him
    -to

    C'est bon :/ ?


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de notrepere, postée le 23-09-2012 à 18:02:59
    Bonjour

    Votre texte provient de toute évidence d'un traducteur en ligne, ce que noun ne corrigeons jamais.

    Club Wolverine Swimming (Wolverine Swimming Club)
    JO (Jeux d'olympiques)
    What’s more he was too six times the swimmer global of years. Swimmer of talent, several champions of world, then the JO of Pekin, in 2008, he win eight medals of gold on the eight hardships that he is registered entering so in the legend and become the champion of world with the most of medals.

    Cet extrait n'a aucun sens du tout en anglais.
    Merci de poster votre propre travail, ce que l'on corrigera sans doute.


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de sissi1490, postée le 23-09-2012 à 19:11:26
    J'ai fait çà de moi-même avec un dictionnaire, mon texte est donc vraiment pas bon. Je suis désolé si vous croyez que j'ai fait avec un tracducteur mais je peux vous promettre que ces faux j'ai tout fais moi-même !


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de sissi1490, postée le 23-09-2012 à 19:26:33
    Michael Fred Phelps is a formidable athlete and has a great talent.
    J'ai relis en faisant les modification de bernard02 :

    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born the June 30, 1985 to Towson is American swimmer, he is in the Club Wolverine Swimming. He was participated on The Olympics Games of London and was came back triumphant at the back, he is the athlete who won the most medals at JO with 28 medals: 18 gold, 2 silver and 2 bronze, all sports mingled. What’s more he was six times also the swimmer global years. Swimmer of talent, several times champions of world, then the JO of Pekin, in 2008, he won eight medals of gold on the eight hardships that he was registered thus entering the legend and became the champion of world with the most of medals. In this prize list here not that of titer global here too of the titer international. But to be a champion, in this youth affected of hyperactivity he was practiced therefore of the swimming for him and was followed this sisters but was finished by participate actively at training and began to get this qualification. He was participated at The Olympics Games to Sydney and became the second American the youngest of world however he didn’t won the medals. With a strong determination he was continued the competition and very early he won several victories it brought him to win the most of medals and made three new world records on Olympics Games to London and so called “The Baltimore Bullet”.


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de notrepere, postée le 23-09-2012 à 20:11:27
    Hello

    Bon, alors voici une piste :

    Les adjectifs se placent avant le nom en anglais. Votre texte est mot à mot du français.

    Wolverine Swimming Club
    Medals of gold (du français) = gold medals
    Swimmer of talent (du français) = talented swimmer
    champions of the world (du français) = world champion


    Et concernant "JO" qui se trouve plusieurs fois dans votre texte ? Le traducteur en ligne ne peut pas traduire "JO" ?

    Unfortunately, your correction is not any better. You'd better post what you want to say in French because it's impossible to correct what doesn't make sense.

    Bon Courage.


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de sissi1490, postée le 23-09-2012 à 21:25:17
    Michael Fred Phelps est un formidable athlète et un énorme talent.
    Voici ce que j'ai voulu dire :

    Michael Fred Phelps est un formidable athlète et un énorme talent.

    Ce jeune Michael Fred Phelps est né le 30 Jun 1985 à Towson et est un nageur Américain, il fait aussi parti du Club Wolverine Swimming. Il a participé au jeux olympiques de Londres et est revenu triomphant à son retour, il est l’athlète qui as gagner le plus de médailles au JO avec en tout 28 médailles 18 ors, 2argents et 3 bronze, tous sports confondu. De plus il est aussi 6 fois nageur de l’année. Nageur de talent, plusieurs fois champions du mondes, puis au JO de Pékin, en 200, il gagne 8 médaille d’or sur les 8 défis qu’il s’est inscris entrant ainsi dans la Legends et devenant le champion du monde avec le plus de médailles. Dans son palmarès il n’y as pas que les titres mondiaux il y a aussi les titre international. Mais pour être un champion, il a fallu que dans sa jeunesse déjà affecté d’hyperactivité, il pratique de la natation pour lui et pour suivre ces sœurs mais finit par participé activement au entrainement et commence à gagner des qualifications. Il participe au Jeux Olympique de Sydney et devient le second américain le plus jeune du monde cependant il ne gagne aucune médailles. Avec une forte détermination il continue les compétitions et très rapidement il gagne plusieurs victoire ce qu’il lui apportera le plus de médailles et de faire 3 nouveau records au Jeux Olympiques de Londres et ainsi être appelé « The Baltimore Bullet »



    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de bernard02, postée le 23-09-2012 à 22:11:25
    Bonsoir,
    pourriez-vous, s'il vous plaît, nous proposer une traduction en anglais de ce que vous venez d'écrire en français ?
    La conjugaison de vos verbes est à revoir en particulier (nombreuses fautes).
    Bon courage.


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de sissi1490, postée le 23-09-2012 à 22:28:42
    Voici :

    Michael Fred Phelps is a formidable athlete and has a great talent.

    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born the June 30, 1985 to Towson and is American swimmer, he does also left the Wolverine Swimming Club. He was participated on The Olympics Games to London and was came back triumphant at this back, he is the athlete who won the most medals at JO with 28 medals: 18 gold, 2 silver and 2 bronze, all sports mingled. What’s more he was six times also the swimmer global years. Talented Swimmer, several times world champion, then the JO to Pekin, in 2008, he won eight gold medals on the eight hardships that he was registered thus entering the legend and became the world champion with the most of medals. In this prize list here not that of titer global here too of the titer international. But to be a champion, it took in this youth already affected of hyperactivity, he practices of the swimming for him and for followe this sisters but was finished by participate actively at training and began to win qualifications. He was participated at The Olympics Games to Sydney and became the second American the world youngest however he didn’t won the medals. With a strong determination he was continued the competition and very early he won several victories it will brought him the most of medals and made three new world records on Olympics Games to London and so o be called “The Baltimore Bullet”.

    C'est bien çà ?


    Réponse: Rédaction/correction de lucile83, postée le 23-09-2012 à 23:07:33
    Hello,

    Je viens de passer votre texte français au traducteur en ligne; voici ce que ça donne:
    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born 30 Jun on 1985 to Towson and is an American swimmer, he makes however the Club Wolverine Swimming. He(it) participated in olympics of London and returned triumphing in his(her,its) return, he is the athlete which(who) have to gain(win) most of medals at the JO(GAZETTE) with there quite 28 medals 18 golds, 2argents and 3 tan(sunbathe), any sports confused(merged). Furthermore he(it) is swimming so 6 times of the year. Talented swimmer, several times world champions, then in the JO(GAZETTE) of Beijing, in 200, he(it) gains(wins) 8 golden medal on 8 challenges that he(it) is register so entering Legends and becoming the world champion with most medals. In his(her,its) prize list he(it) have there no that the world titles(securities) there is also international title. But to be a champion, it have in its youth already affected(allocated) by hyperactivity, to have a practice of the swimming for him and to follow these sisters but finishes by participated actively in the training and begins to gain(win) qualifications. He(It) participates in Games(Sets) Olympic .......

    Voici votre traduction:
    This young Michael Fred Phelps was born the June 30, 1985 to Towson and is American swimmer, he does also left the Wolverine Swimming Club. He was participated on The Olympics Games to London and was came back triumphant at this back, he is the athlete who won the most medals at JO with 28 medals: 18 gold, 2 silver and 2 bronze, all sports mingled. What’s more he was six times also the swimmer global years. Talented Swimmer, several times world champion, then the JO to Pekin, in 2008, he won eight gold medals on the eight hardships that he was registered thus entering the legend and became the world champion with the most of medals. In this prize list here not that of titer global here too of the titer international. But to be a champion, it took in this youth already affected of hyperactivity, he practices of the swimming for him and for followe this sisters but was finished by participate actively at training and began to win qualifications. He was participated at The Olympics Games to Sydney and became the second American the world youngest however he didn’t won the medals. With a strong determination he was continued the competition and very early he won several victories it will brought him the most of medals and made three new world records on Olympics Games to London and so o be called “The Baltimore Bullet”.

    Je trouve quand même une forte ressemblance dans l'absence de qualité des 2 textes, et je note que depuis 19h26 vous n'avez pas évolué dans votre traduction.
    On va donc arrêter le 'massacre' ici car nous ne corrigeons pas les traductions automatiques.




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