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    Correction/end of story

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/end of story
    Message de natyna posté le 04-12-2012 à 20:21:51 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour à tous!

    Je dois inventer la fin du conte The Getaway de John Savage.
    J'ai opté pour une fin plutôt tragique avec des gangsters au langage assez fleuri u_u .J'aimerais beaucoup avoir une première correction de mon travail s'il vous plaît.
    Merci beaucoup par avance.

    “We know who the hell you are dude! You are going to pay for what you've done little rat! Your fucking mistake is gonna cost you your life. Say your prayers dude!” The tall man yelled.
    At this moment, I couldn't move at all. All my limbs were completely paralysed. A stream of questions came to my mind : Who are these guys? What do they want? But mostly, who is in reality this mysterious waiter? I was about to find out the truth about all this amazing story.
    Suddenly, the waiter, who was very calm up to now, started to panic saying :
    “You must be mistaken, I'm not the one you are looking for! I swear!”
    “Damn! Don't fuck with us bastard! You dared dealing in drugs on our territory. No one can do his business next to ours!” the short one threatened coldly.
    I could not believed what was happening! It was a script worthy of a gangster movie and I was right in the middle of a settlement of scores! I was trying to collect my wits when the tall man said :
    “Listen to me carefully, I'm not gonna repeat it twice : give us the map of your headquarters in Tijuana and tell your chicanos to get the fuck out of here!”
    The waiter tried to defend himself and started to explain his personal story :
    “I swear I didn't do anything! I'm not lying! I was a mere truck driver who was working for Monsanto company but not so long ago, I have decided to switch to new type of employment because I have preferred to be my own boss. That's why I have set up my own coffee shop along the road. I'm not involved in all these traffics. I don't want to be punished for something I haven't done. So please leave me alone!”
    “Oh that's so cute, you don't want to be punished for something you haven't done! Oh poor little boy! So let's leave him alone since he hasn't done anything! What do you think about that buddy?!”. The tall one said ironically to his partner.
    “All right! Let's go dude! ” the short one answered.
    The waiter stayed motionless, with the fear in his eyes. He had beads of sweat that trickled down his forehead. As for me, I stayed here, watching the whole scene helplessly. I was wondering : What would I do? Would I interfere, helping the unlucky waiter who seemed to be involved in this terrible affair/case despite himself? I felt deep inside me that the waiter was innocent, he might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time! I could not abandon him to his fate. Secretly, I was preparing a plan since the two gangsters had forgotten me, leaving me alone in the corner.
    Meanwhile, the two men pretended to get out of the coffee shop but at the very moment where they were going through the front door, sharply they stopped to walk, turning around to the counter with their guns in hand. Then, the tall man added :
    “This is the end of the game!”
    He came in front of the waiter pointing his guns on the his head
    “You have three seconds to spit the truth out!”
    The gangster shouted as he started the countdown :
    “THREE!”
    “I swear, I didn't do anything! PLEASE, PLEASE spare my life!” The waiter begged.
    “TWO!”
    The waiter fell down on his knees, powerless, almost ready to die.
    “ONE!”
    In a surge of bravery, I flung myself straight on the armed guy, grasping his gun and shooting several times the two men. All the bloodshed went very quickly. I could not stop it, I couldn't control myself either. Gosh, what have I just done? A few seconds after my slaughter, the waiter stared at me with a puzzled face mingled with stupefaction.
    From now, I was completely involved in one of those settlement of scores! I was very close from these out-law criminals!

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 04-12-2012 20:55


    Réponse: Correction/end of story de gerondif, postée le 04-12-2012 à 21:10:44 (S | E)
    Hello,

    “We know who the hell you are dude! You are going to pay for what you've done little rat! Your fucking mistake is gonna cost you your life. Say your prayers dude!” The tall man yelled.
    At this moment, I couldn't move at all. All my limbs were completely paralysed. A stream of questions came to my mind : Who are these guys? What do they want? But mostly, who is in reality this mysterious waiter? I was about to find out the truth about all this amazing story.
    Suddenly, the waiter, who was very calm up to now, started to panic saying :
    “You must be mistaken, I'm not the one you are looking for! I swear!”
    “Damn! Don't fuck with us bastard! You dared dealing in drugs on our territory. No one can do his business next to ours!” the short one threatened coldly.
    I could not believed what was happening! It was a script worthy of a gangster movie and I was right in the middle of a settlement of scores! I was trying to collect my wits when the tall man said :
    “Listen to me carefully, I'm not gonna repeat it twice : give us the map of your headquarters in Tijuana and tell your chicanos to get the fuck out of here!”
    The waiter tried to defend himself and started to explain his personal story :
    “I swear I didn't do anything! I'm not lying! I was a mere truck driver who was working for Monsanto company but not so long ago, I have decided to switch to a new type of employment because I have preferred to be my own boss. That's why I have set up my own coffee shop along the road. I'm not involved in all these traffics. I don't want to be punished for something I haven't done. So please leave me alone!”
    “Oh that's so cute, you don't want to be punished for something you haven't done! Oh poor little boy! So let's leave him alone since he hasn't done anything! What do you think about that, buddy?!”. The tall one said ironically to his partner.
    “All right! Let's go dude! ” the short one answered.
    The waiter stayed motionless, with the fear in his eyes. (He had) beads of sweat (that) trickled down his forehead. As for me, I stayed here, watching the whole scene helplessly. I was wondering : What would I do? Would I interfere, helping the unlucky waiter who seemed to be involved in this terrible affair/case despite himself? I felt deep inside me that the waiter was innocent, he might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time! I could not abandon him to his fate. Secretly, I was preparing a plan since the two gangsters had forgotten me, leaving me alone in the corner.
    Meanwhile, the two men pretended to get out of the coffee shop but at the very moment where they were going through the front door, sharply they stopped to walk(= ils s'arrêtèrent pour marcher), turning around to the counter with their guns in their hands. Then, the tall man added :
    “This is the end of the game!”
    He came in front of the waiter pointing his guns on the his head
    “You have three seconds to spit the truth out!”
    The gangster shouted as he started the countdown :
    “THREE!”
    “I swear, I didn't do anything! PLEASE, PLEASE spare my life!” The waiter begged.
    “TWO!”
    The waiter fell down on his knees, powerless, almost ready to die.
    “ONE!”
    In a surge of bravery, I flung myself straight on the armed guy, grasping his gun and shooting several times the two men. All the bloodshed went very quickly. I could not stop it, I couldn't control myself either. Gosh, what have I just done? A few seconds after my slaughter(= c'est vous qui êts mort), the waiter stared at me with a puzzled face mingled with stupefaction.
    From now on , I was completely involved in one of those settlement of scores! I was very close from to these out-law criminals!




    Réponse: Correction/end of story de natyna, postée le 04-12-2012 à 21:28:26 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup! Surtout pour la rapidité de la réponse ;)
    J'ai bien pris note des erreurs, je vais les corriger de ce pas!
    Merci encore.




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