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    Correction /avocat-client

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction /avocat-client
    Message de geogeo123 posté le 13-02-2013 à 11:05:47 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour à tous,
    Étant en fac de droit, j'ai un dialogue à réaliser entre un avocat et son client, et n'ayant pas un grand niveau en anglais je viens vous demander votre aide
    Si quelqu'un pouvait m'apporter son aide ce serait vraiment top :D Merci d'avance à tous !

    My name is Steve Cooksey, I’m fifty one years old and I was an obese junk-food addict. All was going well in my life in spite of my weight until I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes after being hospitalized for high blood sugar. This diagnostic was the trigger event which prompted me to change eating habits and to start writing a blog.

    I remember the day I started writing this blog very well. I was glad to succeed in my diabetes treatment regimen and to run again. But I knew that is not the case for everyone. Lot of my friends I meet during my hospitalization started insulin treatment for the rest of their life.
    So, I began blogging about this success in 2010 while weaning myself off insulin and medications. I started it for many reason.
    -First of all, in order to prove that diabetes is not a point of no return and that everyone can turn his life around.
    -Secondly, to show that there is real result and there is real result because I stop insulin and other drugs.
    -Finally, to share my ideas and advice on health-related issues.
    In December 2011, I started a Dear Abby-style advice column on my blog to answer reader questions. After a few weeks, many people ask me specific advice about Stone Age eating and I realize that I loved motivating people that’s I why I decided to start coaching and to carry on my blog.

    One day, I decided to challenge what a local hospital diabetes services director was saying at a nutritional seminar. Soon after, my work miraculously caught the eye of the North Carolina Board of Dietetics, and i got word that my web site and activity were under investigation following a complaint lodged about his “practicing dietetics without a license.”
    On March 2, the executive director of the North Carolina Board of Dietetics came and knocked on my door. He said that I could not give readers advice on diet, whether for free or for compensation, because doing so constituted the unlicensed, and thus criminal, practice of dietetic.

    I’m accused of giving recommendations about what to buy at grocery store, about sharing my experience, but anyone can do that. I just give my opinion, not the absolute truth. Is Michelle Obama "breaking the law" when she gives her opinion on food choices?
    The State Board also told me that my private emails and telephone calls with readers and friends were illegal, as was my paid life-coaching service. But if I remember rightly there is a constitution and a First Amendment, who does not allow the government to ban people from sharing ordinary advice about diet.
    It is like calling his mother in order to ask him recipe for the breakfast and being arrest.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2013 21:48


    Réponse: Correction /avocat-client de gerondif, postée le 15-02-2013 à 00:23:10 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,

    Bien! Quelques fautes d'accord.

    My name is Steve Cooksey, I’m fifty one years old and I was an obese junk-food addict. All (everything) was going well in my life in spite of my weight until I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes after being hospitalized for high blood sugar. This diagnostic was the trigger event which prompted me to change (my)eating habits and to start writing a blog.

    I remember the day I started writing this blog very well. I was glad to succeed in my diabetes treatment regimen and to run again. But I knew that it is not the case for everyone. Lots of my friends I meet (prétérit) during my hospitalization started insulin treatment for the rest of their life.(pluriel)
    So, I began blogging about this success in 2010 while weaning myself off insulin and medications. I started it for many reasons.
    -First of all, in order to prove that diabetes is not a point of no return and that everyone can turn his life around.
    -Secondly, to show that there is real result(pluriel) and there is real result because I stop insulin and other drugs.
    -Finally, to share my ideas and advice on health-related issues.
    In December 2011, I started a Dear Abby-style advice column on my blog to answer readers' questions. After a few weeks, many people asked me specific advice about Stone Age eating and I realized that I loved motivating people, that’s I why I decided to start coaching and to carry on with my blog.

    One day, I decided to challenge what a local hospital diabetes services director was saying at a nutritional seminar. Soon after, my work miraculously caught the eye of the North Carolina Board of Dietetics, and I got word that my web site and activity were under investigation following a complaint lodged about his “practicing dietetics without a license.”
    On March 2, the executive director of the North Carolina Board of Dietetics came and knocked on my door. He said that I could not give readers advice on diet, whether for free or for compensation, because doing so constituted the unlicensed, and thus criminal, practice of dietetic.

    I’m accused of giving recommendations about what to buy at grocery stores, about(accused of) sharing my experience, but anyone can do that. I just give my opinion, not the absolute truth. Is Michelle Obama "breaking the law" when she gives her opinion on food choices?
    The State Board also told me that my private emails and telephone calls with readers and friends were illegal, as was my paid life-coaching service. But if I remember right, there is a constitution and a First Amendment, who does not allow the government to ban people from sharing ordinary advice about diet.
    It is like calling his your mother in order to ask him her a recipe for the breakfast and being arrested.



    Réponse: Correction /avocat-client de geogeo123, postée le 16-02-2013 à 10:32:18 (S | E)

    C'est vraiment super sympa de votre part



    Réponse: Correction /avocat-client de sherry48, postée le 16-02-2013 à 14:59:05 (S | E)
    Hello. I have only a few minor changes.

    Paragraph 1. Diagnostic is an adjective. Use the noun form.

    Paragraph 2. I would keep more uniformity with verb tense within a sentence; this paragraph is talking about many events that happened in the past. For example: I knew...that it is...There is real results...

    Paragraph 3. If the quote included "his", you can include it within the quote, or you can change it to first person outside of the quote.
    ...practice of dietetic. (plural)

    Paragraph 4. ...there is a constitution and a First Amendment, who does not allow...

    It is like calling your mother (in order) to ask her __ a recipe for the breakfast and being arrested. (preposition missing)


    Well written! Sherry

    -------------------
    Modifié par sherry48 le 16-02-2013 14:59




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