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    Syntaxe /oral

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Syntaxe /oral
    Message de blob2589 posté le 16-10-2013 à 18:56:10 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour à tous,

    je me permets de solliciter votre aide afin de finaliser au mieux mon texte.
    Je dois passer un petit oral en anglais sur mon rapport de stage et j'aurais aimé que vous m'aidiez à enlever toutes fautes impardonnables ou encore des traductions français-anglais litigieuses.

    Voici le texte :

    I chose to carry out my training in a Luxemburg bank this summer to afford me to understand the differences between French and Luxemburg banks because I already worked in Credit Lyonnais last year.
    I had had a conversation with the HR manager of the bank who said me that the most interesting position to reveal the organization of the bank was the Back Office Money Market because it is permanently in relation with all departments and that a position in a more specialize department didn’t have been beneficial.
    During my training in the Back Office department, my missions have been the same that the others clerks of the department, except the cash register’s management, which is only manage by the head of department.
    Several working tools have been provided to me to carry out the different missions they entrusted me such as FTS Payplus or MIDAS.
    The most frequent customers operations I carried out have been entrance, exit and internal transfers that is the treatment of customer’s orders from Corporate and Customer department.
    I also have been in charge of update the exchange rate and the interbank rate daily, if necessary. Indeed, these rates can change every day, so it’s important to check on Bloomberg and straight manually each currencies which have changed on the software.
    One and a half month later in this bank, my objective to notice the differences between French and Luxemburg bank has been achieved. Indeed, in Luxembourg, the customer contact is less important than in France because only the customer department done it. Here, the work is more administrative and the coordination between the departments is very developed because of theirs linked objectives.
    Furthermore, I improved my ability to work quickly and without any mistake and have increased my autonomy. In addition, forward this department, I discovered many jobs I didn’t know and which can be attractive for my next training course.

    Je vous remercie d'avance pour votre aide.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 16-10-2013 20:18


    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de violet91, postée le 16-10-2013 à 20:42:55 (S | E)
    Hello ,

    Oui ...du travail ! On y va :
    - to afford + pronom réfléchi -- pas le nom de la banque française ( à l.oral , oui avec l'alphabet !) , ou a famous French one . --to say to somebody ; en style indirect : to tell somebody ( pronom personnel complément ) - - more specialize ( part passé, valeur adjectif ; manque une lettre -- didn't have been = ??? Traduction littérale de ' avait été ( past perfect actif ) -- have been : prétérit pluriel-- the same as -- (have been )simple past plural - - customers 'orders : génitif pluriel - - I also have been : ordre - - charge of + gerund -- exchange à travailler donc puis daily - - it's : forme pleine si vous remettez le devoir après l'exposé - - each = unicité = one by one : singulier - - 3ème singulier which ( have ) changed - - on software ? - - has been > simple past singulier - - the customer 's contact or the contact of a customer / contact of customers - - done it ? Present simple ...- - theirs, pronom possessif ne peut pas déterminer un nom : il faut l'adjectif possessif - - forward ? Quant à ? As for ...

    Voilà pour moi . Vous corrigez , reposter et nous revenons ... Courage ! See you .



    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de blob2589, postée le 16-10-2013 à 21:31:02 (S | E)
    Tout d'abord,bonjour et merci beaucoup Violet91. Effectivement, j'ai fait un bon nombre d'erreurs pourtant assez élémentaires.
    Voici le nouveau texte enrichi par vos conseils :

    I chose to carry out my training in a Luxemburg bank this summer to afford myself to understand the differences between French and Luxemburg banks because I already worked in a famous French one last year.
    I had had a conversation with the HR manager of the bank who said to me that the most interesting position to reveal the organization of the bank was the Back Office Money Market because it is permanently in relation with all departments and that a position in a more specialized department had not been beneficial.
    During my training in the Back Office department, my missions had the same as the others clerks of the department, except the cash register’s management, which is only managed by the head of department.
    Several working tools had provided to me to carry out the different missions they entrusted me such as FTS Payplus or MIDAS.
    The most frequent customers operations I carried out have been entrance, exit and internal transfers that is the treatment of customers’ orders from Corporate and Customer department.
    I have also been in charge of updating the exchange rate and the interbank rate daily, if necessary. Indeed, these rates can change every day, so it is important to check on Bloomberg and straight manually one by one currencies which has changed on software.
    One and a half month later in this bank, my objective to notice the differences between French and Luxemburg bank achieved. Indeed, in Luxembourg, the contact of customers is less important than in France because only the customer department do it. Here, the work is more administrative and the coordination between the departments is very developed because of their linked objectives.
    Furthermore, I improved my ability to work quickly and without any mistake and have increased my autonomy. In addition, through this department, I discovered many jobs I didn’t know and which can be attractive for my next training course.

    Je n'ai par contre pas réussi à comprendre ce que vous vouliez dire par "- -- exchange à travailler donc puis daily " .
    Encore merci

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 16-10-2013 21:34



    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de notrepere, postée le 17-10-2013 à 03:39:53 (S | E)
    Bonjour blob

    I chose to carry out my training in a Luxemburg bank this summer to afford(1) myself to understand the differences between French and Luxemburg banks because I already(2) worked in a famous French one last year.
    I had had a conversation with the HR manager of the bank who said(3) to me that the most interesting position to reveal the organization of the bank was the Back Office Money Market because it is permanently in relation with all departments and that a position in a more specialized department had not been beneficial.(4)
    During my training in the Back Office department, my missions(5) had(6) the same as the others clerks in the department, except the cash register’s management, which is(7) only managed by the head of the department.
    Several working tools had provided(8) to me to carry out the different missions(5) they entrusted to me such as FTS Payplus or MIDAS.

    Je n'ai par contre pas réussi à comprendre ce que vous vouliez dire par "- -- exchange à travailler donc puis daily " . moi non plus
    (1) "to afford myself to understand" ne va pas en anglais ; to help me understand est plus clair
    (2) 'already' signale le past perfect
    (3) dire = say ou tell ; le verbe 'say' ne convient pas
    (4) pour moi, cet extrait n'a aucun sens; que voulez-vous dire ?
    (5) duties?
    (6) verb 'to be'
    (7) past tense
    (8) ce verbe ne va pas
    Once you've corrected these errors, I (or someone) will continue with the correction.




    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de blob2589, postée le 17-10-2013 à 11:09:01 (S | E)
    Bonjour notrepère. Merci pour votre contribution. Voici le texte corrigé :

    I chose to carry out my training in a Luxemburg bank this summer to help me to understand the differences between French and Luxemburg banks because I have already worked in a famous French one last year.
    I had had a conversation with the HR manager of the bank who told me that the most interesting position to reveal the organization of the bank was the Back Office Money Market because it is permanently in relation with all departments and that a position in a more specialized department had not been beneficial.
    During my training in the Back Office department, my duties were the same as the other clerks in the department, except the cash register management, which was only managed by the head of the department.
    Several working tools had laid on to me to carry out the different duties they entrusted to me such as FTS Payplus or MIDAS.
    The most frequent customers operations I carried out have been entrance, exit and internal transfers that is the treatment of customers’ orders from Corporate and Customer department.
    I have also been in charge of updating the exchange rate and the interbank rate daily, if necessary. Indeed, these rates can change every day, so it is important to check on Bloomberg and straight manually one by one currencies which has changed on software.
    One and a half month later in this bank, my objective to notice the differences between French and Luxemburg bank has been achieved. Indeed, in Luxembourg, the contact of customers is less important than in France because only the customer department do it. Here, the work is more administrative and the coordination between the departments is very developed because of their linked objectives.
    Furthermore, I improved my ability to work quickly and without any mistake and have increased my autonomy. In addition, through this department, I discovered many jobs I didn’t know and which can be attractive for my next training course.

    4) J'essaye de dire que le poste le plus intéressant pour découvrir la banque est le BOMM car il est en relation permanente avec les autres services et qu'un poste dans un service plus spécifique/spécialisé n'aurait pas été bénéfique pour moi.




    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de violet91, postée le 17-10-2013 à 13:10:09 (S | E)
    Hello ,blob

    Ah ! Que de progrès .
    Still : -- Come on , Violet ! Dans quel état j'erre ?! Heureusement que np veille sur vous et moi ! Où étais-je ? N'avais que vu ' afford' , I say ! Of course : to give me the opportunity , permit ( éventuellement ) - - oh ! work..: simple past car bien daté ' last year ' - - the same as the other clerk(...) plural genitive( same as the fathers' ), since many others -- position had not been beneficial > passive past conditional = would not have been - - le stage est daté depuis le début ; donc sauf bilan et restes d' aujourd'hui ( I have increased: present perfect actif : as you rightly wrote ) , 'have been ' must be turned into simple past ( was, were)finished : all you did is over , except what it brings you -- comparant les deux systèmes , donc two banks : both banks ...- - tools had( ...) laid : il doit manquer l'auxiliaire 'être': vous voulez une voix passive , don't you ? ( to lay ne me semble pas très 'clean ' : proposés , mis à disposition ? - -- check currencies (pl)which has(sg) ? / alors check et ce cod 'currencies one by one ' or each currency (to shorten), mais l'impact est moins bon : le groupe cod trop loin de son verbe check = coupez la phrase par un point virgule serait efficace ( aussi pour le souffle de la,phrase ) : en effet elles changent constamment ou un 'which' ( relatif conclusif = ce que , ce qui ) - ce qui change sans arrêt - - Je reviens sur , ce ' had had ' qui m'essouffle et sonne faux : il amène la simultanéité, concommittence du 'monsieur ' qui vous a dit 'told ' : juste prétérit .. Start with it too , will you ?
    Quant à la phrase bizarre , je retourne voir ! Il faut la redécouper . Vraiment trop longue , donc un peu difficile à suivre . Clarté .

    The more the merrier ! C'est affolant et comme les copies ! Plus on lit et relit , plus on trouve de choses ! Mais avec 'un blob' si sérieux , on devrait arriver à la 'perfection'...
    See you and have a nice day !



    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de blob2589, postée le 17-10-2013 à 13:59:36 (S | E)
    Bonjour violet, et merci pour ces nouvelles précisions.

    J'ai essayé de prendre en compte vos remarques, mais je ne suis pas sûr d'avoir tout compris.
    Je suis aussi assez perplexe quant aux nombres d'erreurs que j'ai pu faire dans un si petit texte, et me demande si je ne vais pas retourner apprendre l'anglais au collège...

    Voici le nouveau texte :

    I chose to carry out my training in a Luxemburg bank this summer to give me the opportunity to understand the differences between French and Luxemburg banks because I already worked in a famous French one last year.
    I had a conversation with the HR manager of the bank who told me that the most interesting position to reveal the organization of the bank was the Back Office Money Market because it is permanently in relation with all departments and that a position in a more specialized department would not have been beneficial.
    During my training in the Back Office department, my duties were the same as the others clerks in the department, except the cash register’s management, which was only managed by the head of the department.
    Several working tools had been laid on to me to carry out the different duties they entrusted to me such as FTS Payplus or MIDAS.
    The most frequent customers operations I carried out have been entrance, exit and internal transfers that is the treatment of customers’ orders from Corporate and Customer department.
    I have also been in charge of updating the exchange rate and the interbank rate daily, if necessary. Indeed, these rates can change every day, so it is important to check on Bloomberg and straight manually one by one currencies; which have changed on software.
    One and a half month later in this bank, my objective to notice the differences between French and Luxemburg bank has been achieved. Indeed, in Luxembourg, the contact of customers is less important than in France because only the customer department do it. Here, the work is more administrative and the coordination between the departments is very developed because of their linked objectives.
    Furthermore, I improved my ability to work quickly and without any mistake and have increased my autonomy. In addition, through this department, I discovered many jobs I didn’t know and which can be attractive for my next training course.

    Encore merci à vous deux, et à bientôt pour la prochaine modification que je vois déjà venir



    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de violet91, postée le 18-10-2013 à 00:37:14 (S | E)
    Time for bed , hello !

    Bien vu ..elles arrivent ... allons ! Un peu d'entêtement , ou vous êtes amoureux du present perfect là ? Je vous assure que le simple past est le temps de votre ..vie ! ..de stage , l'an dernier , I mean ! Oubliez votre fétiche ! Have been , has been , l'un deviendra were , l' autre was . ( finished )
    - the other clerks' ones ( = duties) : pas 's , car ce n'est pas un sg ; l'apostrophe suffit à marquer le génitif saxon pluriel : the fathers ' duties: les tâches des pères ./ teachers ' repetitions ...
    - Wow ! the department : 3e sg présent simple : s ou es !
    - currencies which have changed. Ôtez le point virgule , please . Mon idée était de vous faire reformuler cette phrase. Cela ira ainsi .
    - Very developed : quite developed sounds more English .
    Well then , that is all for tonight and for me . Good luck and night!



    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de blob2589, postée le 18-10-2013 à 15:24:46 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    Merci pour ces dernières précisions que j'ai pu ajouter à mon texte ce matin.
    Mon oral s'est bien passé même si ce n'était qu'une mise en bouche avant la suite.
    En tout cas je vous remercie , pour votre aide et ces quelques rafraîchissements qui font toujours du bien
    A bientôt pour de nouvelles aventures




    Réponse: Syntaxe /oral de violet91, postée le 18-10-2013 à 23:54:51 (S | E)
    Bonsoir blob ,
    Merci des bonnes nouvelles et du gentil retour . A la prochaine, avec plaisir .




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