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    Spaces and exchanges/correction

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Spaces and exchanges/correction
    Message de passic posté le 03-01-2014 à 14:42:20 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour à toutes et à tous,

    Voila ma préparation pour mon oral blanc d'anglais. Cela serait sympa que l'un ou l'une d'entre vous veuille bien la corriger.
    Je vous remercie d'avance.

    I am going to talk about the notion of spaces and exchanges. First of all, i would like to give a definition of this terms (notion). As a matter of fact, this words evoke a continuous movement or circulation of people. In order to illustrate the notion, i have chosen three document. To my mind, the documents that seem to best illustrate the notion are the drawing "America" from the cartoonist Karl, a song from West Side Story, and an extract from the novel Ellis Island and other stories called "on the threshold of a new world".

    First and foremost, needless to say that kal's drawing raises the problem of immigration. Indeed he depicts an old uncle Sam, the iconic figure of America. He is surrounded of little characters who are immigrants coming from South America. Uncle Sam is bend over and looks weak. Whereas he is generally synonymous for power and pride, in this cartoon he represents quite the opposite. It is worth-mentioning that these poor and unskilled workers are taking care of uncle sam. In fact they are sewing his jacket, are polishing his shoes or are washing his hair.

    Let's focus our attention on the cartoonist's intention. Kal intends to draw our attention on immigration. In fact, he underlines that immigrants are an important and essential workforce. Their jobs seems to have no importance but they are vital. Throughout this visual, the artist (makes us realize) that emigrants are vital for America. Indeed, the US economy could not do without immigrants. The artist aims to valorize these unskilled workers who work with their hands and their sweat. The artist would like to depict the concept of american dream and america as a promise land.

    Furthermore, it goes without saying that the song "America" ​​focuses on a major problem. Indeed, the boys break the myth of America as the new El Dorado. They represent the poor living conditions, poverty, racism, violence, segregation, discomfort, and discrimination. In fact, they have been disappointed, their lives are a nightmare. On the contrary, the girls are excited about the America that is a land of opportunities implying freedom, better living conditions, money, equality and pride.

    Let's focus our attention on the message of the author. The author intends to tackle the problems of emigration across the boys and refers to the notion of the American dream through the girls. He blames America not be a promise land. He describes a minority of Puerto Rican representing their bad living conditions.

    Last but not least, it is worth mentioning that the extract "on the threshold of a new world" deals with the dark side of immigration. Actually, he mentions the arrival of an immigrant writer, Jesuit, at Ellis Island who tried to escape the political and religious discrimination. But this emigrant dared to face military officials : a big man, a military man and a pretty woman. This woman is surprised and disgusted by the life of this immigrant so smart.

    Focus our attention on the message of the artist. The goal of this extract is to highlight another type of immigration. Immigration which aims to achieve political and religious freedom. He intends to highlight the role of Ellis Island and also denounce what emigrants must pass to enter the United States.

    In the three documents, there is a relationship between immigration and our topic. The arguments presented are two aspects of this phenomenon illustrating the dark side and the bright side of immigration.
    To put it in a nutshell, I believe that these documents are a pertinent illustration of the notion "spaces and exchanges" in order to sensitize the population on the poor living conditions of immigrants. As a matter of fact, we must recognize that America is a magnet for immigrants and a land of immigration. Today I can not stop thinking that millions of emigrants crossing the sea to reach America. However, I feel that America is not always considered as a promised land.
    I wonder if the American dream is still alive.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 04-01-2014 17:04


    Réponse: Spaces and exchanges/correction de carr30, postée le 04-01-2014 à 17:02:30 (S | E)
    Hello

    Some problems as below, good luck with the corrections!
    This word..these words
    One document...three documents
    Surrounded by...
    Is bent


    I am going to talk about the notion of spaces and exchanges. First of all, i would like to give a definition of this terms (notion). As a matter of fact, this words evoke a continuous movement or circulation of people. In order to illustrate the notion, i have chosen three document. To my mind, the documents that seem to best illustrate the notion are the drawing "America" from the cartoonist Karl, a song from West Side Story, and an extract from the novel Ellis Island and other stories called "on the threshold of a new world".

    First and foremost, needless to say that kal's drawing raises the problem of immigration. Indeed he depicts an old uncle Sam, the iconic figure of America. He is surrounded of little characters who are immigrants coming from South America. Uncle Sam is bend over and looks weak. Whereas he is generally synonymous for power and pride, in this cartoon he represents quite the opposite. It is worth-mentioning that these poor and unskilled workers are taking care of uncle sam. In fact they are sewing his jacket, are polishing his shoes or are washing his hair.

    Let's focus our attention on the cartoonist's intention. Kal intends to draw our attention on.. to immigration. In fact, he underlines that immigrants are an important and essential workforce. Their jobs seems to have no importance but they are vital. Throughout this visual..is an adjective, the artist (makes us realize) that emigrants.. (immigrants) are vital for America. Indeed, the US economy could not do without immigrants. The artist aims to valorize...value? these unskilled workers who work with their hands and their sweat. The artist would like to depict the concept of the American dream and America as a promised land.

    Furthermore, it goes without saying that the song from West Side Story, "America", ​​focuses on a major problem. Indeed, the boys break the myth of America as the new El Dorado. They represent the poor living conditions, poverty, racism, violence, segregation, discomfort, and discrimination. In fact, they have been disappointed, their lives are a nightmare. On the contrary, the girls are excited about the America that is a land of opportunities implying freedom, better living conditions, money, equality and pride.

    Let's focus our attention on the message of the author. The author intends to tackle the problems of emigration across ..for the boys and refers to the notion of the American dream through the girls. He blames America for not being a promised land. He describes a minority of Puerto Rican representing their bad living conditions.

    Last but not least, it is worth mentioning that the extract "on the threshold of a new world" deals with the dark side of immigration. Actually, he mentions the arrival of an immigrant writer, Jesuit, at Ellis Island who tried to escape the political and religious discrimination. But this emigrant dared to face military officials : a big man, a military man and a pretty woman. This woman is surprised and disgusted by the life of this immigrant who is so smart.

    Focus our attention on the message of the artist. The goal of this extract is to highlight another type of immigration. Immigration which aims to achieve political and religious freedom. He intends to highlight the role of Ellis Island and also denounce what emigrants must pass ..endure/go through/suffer??to enter the United States.

    In the three documents, there is a relationship between immigration and our topic. The arguments presented are two aspects of this phenomenon illustrating the dark side and the bright side of immigration.
    To put it in a nutshell, I believe that these documents are a pertinent illustration of the notion "spaces and exchanges" in order to sensitize the population on..to the poor living conditions of immigrants. As a matter of fact, we must recognize that America is a magnet for immigrants and a land of immigration. Today I can not stop thinking that millions of emigrants crossing..crossed? the sea to reach America. However, I feel that America is not always considered as a promised land.
    I wonder if the American dream is still alive.




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