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    Correction/Séniors

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/Séniors
    Message de elodie45 posté le 29-01-2015 à 00:40:30 (S | E | F)
    Hello
    i want I would like to correct this text. Can you help me please?
    Thank you for your answers.


    Those articles dealing with working and keeping seniors (pensioners) forms after retirement age.
    In first text, we have an example, 90 years old Mr. O’Connor works with his daughter instead of retirement, where as in the second article we have a comparison with people aged 55 and people between 18 to 34 years old.

    The first article deal with seniors workers, and we learn that more companies like to keep their senior worker as part time because of their experience in the field and over the next ten year there will be a staff shortage, their seniors will be welcome to stay with flexible hours.

    The increasing cost of health care and shrinking birth rates are factor for continue a work after retirement age more over the government encouraging those who wish to stay working.

    The second article survey suggest in "the times" on Saturday January 19, 2008 more than 2000 people of all ages were asked about their health and lifestyle and some interesting results. In this comparison people of 55 years old are more to practice sport and exercise daily than people of 18 to 34 years old, and represent 41% people of 18 to 34 year eat five portions of fruit and vegetable per day.

    The results of this comparison shows people of 55 years are in better shape from that people of 18 to 34 years old that are affected anxiety, suffer from migraine and prone to cold.

    As conclusion senior people have an activity seem like to keep their healthy and their forms.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2015 08:38


    Réponse: Correction/Séniors de bluduck2, postée le 30-01-2015 à 10:22:59 (S | E)
    Hello Elodie 45 ! Je suggère de revoir le present simple :ligne 4,to deal,3éme personne du singulier
    ligne 8 conjuguez "to suggest"
    ligne 11 ,to show,3ème personne du pluriel)
    Revoyez aussi le pluriel des noms :ligne 4,les travailleurs ,ligne 6:les facteurs
    Après la préposition for ,verb+ING ( ligne 6 )
    Pour le vocabulaire ,retenez "health",nom= santé, "healthy"adjectif=en bonne santé
    Pour parler de "la forme" ,utilisez "to keep fit" (pensez à "fitness"!)
    A la ligne 8,vous avez oublié un adjectif après more(par exemple "numerous"),à la ligne 11, vous avez oublié "by" dans la tournure passive après "affected",et l'article "a" devant "conclusion".
    Il manque aussi un article[/bleu en ligne 2 et un pronom relatif après " people "dans la dernière ligne .
    I hope this helps ! Bluduck 2




    Réponse: Correction/Séniors de here4u, postée le 30-01-2015 à 15:09:13 (S | E)
    Hello

    Here's what I'd add ...
    blue =wrong
    xxxxxxx = unsatisfactory
    XXX = missing elements


    Those articles XX dealing with working and keeping seniors (pensioners) forms after retirement age.(I'm sorry, but it doesn't make sense ...)
    In XXX first text, we have an example, 90 years old Mr. O’Connor works with his daughter instead of retirement, where as in the second article we have a comparison with people aged 55 and people between 18 to 34 years old.

    The first article deal with seniors workers(here, senior is an adjective ...), and we learn that more companies like to keep their senior worker as part time because of their experience in the field and over the next ten year there will be a staff shortage, their seniors will be welcome to stay with flexible hours.

    The increasing cost of health care and shrinking birth rates are factor for continue a work after retirement age more over(bad spelling and wrong link word) the government encouraging those who wish to stay working.

    The second article survey(very clumsy ...) suggestXXX in "the times" on Saturday January 19, 2008 more than 2000 people of all ages were asked about their health and lifestyle and some interesting results.(???) In this comparison, people of 55 years old are more to practice sport and exercise daily than people of 18 to 34 years old, and represent 41% people of 18 to 34 year eat five portions of fruit and vegetable per day.(Sorry ! I can't get you ...)

    The results of this comparison shows people of 55 years are in better shape from that people of 18 to 34 years old that are affected XXX anxiety, suffer from migraine and prone to cold.

    As X conclusion senior people have an activity XXX seem like to keep their healthy and their forms.

    A lot of work to do on this text to make it acceptable ...Bon courage !




    Réponse: Correction/Séniors de elodie45, postée le 30-01-2015 à 18:55:00 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.




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