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    Bac/Idée de progrès

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

    [POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


    Bac/Idée de progrès
    Message de tom2153 posté le 08-05-2015 à 13:54:34 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour
    je passe mon oral d'anglais dans deux semaines. J'ai rédigé la première notion pour le Bac. Si vous pouviez m'aider à la corriger et me dire ce que vous en pensez ce serait super sympa de votre part. Toute correction ou conseil serait le bienvenu. Je vous en remercie à l'avance pour votre aide.

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to make the world a better place. For some people, the progress is not better. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for the man. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first of all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of the dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this one.

    To start with, I am thus going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for the man because this one looks for through the progress to push away the limit which is imposed on us by the nature. The project of the hotel under the water in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks. One of two will be submerged in more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. This project will thus allow the man of observed the beauty of the sea bed, a place where he logically has no possibilities of living.I think that this progress can be dangerous because the man does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom the progress leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photography which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the Men and robots are re-take in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the Man. I think that their fear is justified but she is also exaggerated for all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a called theory " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in whom of Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21th century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of the artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. For me, this war can be avoided if we agree on a limit not to be exceeded.

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a risk that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we risk one day to regret all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science. Indeed as says Martin Luther King: « All the progress is precarious, and the solution of a problem confronts us with another problem.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 08-05-2015 14:41


    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 08-05-2015 à 14:12:10 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    Dans l'ensemble, votre texte est bien écrit. Vous avez fait quelques petites erreurs. Par exemple: "which contributes to make the world a better place", le verbe 'to make' en forme ING convient mieux.

    "...allow the man of observed the beauty"

    Il faut employer l'infinitif du verbe 'to observe'.
    Permettre à quelqu'un de faire = To allow someone to do

    "as says Martin Luther King"

    Il faut inverser le verbe et le sujet.

    Pour faire mieux, je vous conseille de varier un peu votre vocabulaire. Dans chaque paragraphe, vous utilisez le mot 'thus'. En effet, c'est un très bon mot qui appartient à un langage plutôt soutenu, mais essayez de penser à d'autres mots que vous pourriez employer pour montrer au lecteur que vous avez un vocabulaire enrichi.

    Une autre chose..ne soyez pas très subjectif. Vous avez employé les mots "I think" à trois reprises. C'est bien de donner votre opinion personnelle dans la conclusion, mais nulle part ailleurs dans le texte. Employez plutôt des tournures impersonnelles pour perdre l'habitude de donner votre opinion sur ce que vous écrivez.



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 08-05-2015 à 15:48:02 (S | E)
    Merci pour votre aide très précieuse.
    Voici donc les corrections que j'ai pu apporter grâce à vous.Quelqu'un pourrait-il me dire si les corrections effectuées sont les bonnes ? Merci à l'avance pour vos réponses:

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, the progress is not better. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for the man. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first of all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of the dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this one.

    To start with, I am therefore going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for the human because this one looks for through the progress to push away the limit which is imposed on us by the nature. The project of the hotel under the water in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks. One of two will be submerged in more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow the man to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where he logically has no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the man does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific développement leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photography which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the Men and robots are re-take in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the Man. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a called theory " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in whom of Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21th century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of the artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on limit not to be exceeded if we want to avoid the war.

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we risk one day to regret all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science. Indeed as Martin Luther King says: « All the progress is precarious, and the solution of a problem confronts us with another problem.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 08-05-2015 18:44
    Mise en forme standard



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 08-05-2015 à 18:30:10 (S | E)
    Rebonjour,
    Je vois que vous avez bien corrigé votre texte. Je vous dis bravo
    Par contre, il reste tout de même pas mal de fautes de grammaire/lexique à corriger:

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, the progress is not better better than what?. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for the man je dirais "humanity" au lieu de "the man" qui est mal dit ici. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first of all il manque une préposition progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of theà supprimer dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this oneà supprimer

    To start with, I am therefore'therefore' revoie à la conséquence d'une action. Un autre adverbe serait préférable going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for the human'for humanity', voir plus haut because this one looks for through cela ne veut rien dire. A reformuler the progress to push away the limit which is imposed on us by the nature. The project of the hotel (under the water) employez l'adjectif 'underwater' et placez-le devant 'hotel' in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks. One of twocomment dire 'dont un...'? will be submerged in autre preposition ressemblant à 'in'? more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty one trait d'union rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow the man comment dire 'les gens'? to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where he autre pronom pour faire l'accord avec "les gens" logically has conjuguez avec "les gens" no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the man does voir plus haut not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific développement en anglais? leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photography 'photography est l'art : la photographie. Comment dire une photographie? which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the Men minuscule et au singulier and robots are re-take choisissez un autre adjectif. 'Used' par exemple in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the Man minuscule. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a called theory l'adjectif 'called' doit se placer après 'theory' parce que cela a le même sens que "a theory that is called" " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in (whom of) le pronom relatif 'whom' renvoie à des personnes. Comment dire "dans lequel"? Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21th On ne dit pas '1th', si? century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of the l'article défini n'est pas nécessaire artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on (limit not to be exceeded) à reformuler if we want to avoid the war.

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we risk one day (to regret) On dit "to risk + verbe en -ing" all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science. Indeed as Martin Luther King says: "All the progress is precarious, and the solution of a problem confronts us with another problem."


    -------------------
    Modifié par razzor le 08-05-2015 18:34



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 11:16:46 (S | E)
    Merci pour votre aide. J'espère que le texte que j'ai recorrigé est mieux:

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, any progress is not necessarily good. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for humanity. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first of all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this.

    To start with, I am so going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for humanity because this one looks for by means of progress to push away the limit which is imposed on us by the nature. The project of the underwater hotel in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks of which one will be submerged under more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty-one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow the people to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where they logically have no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the humanity does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific development leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photograph which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the man and robots used in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the man. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a theory called " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in which of Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21st century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of an artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on limit not to be overtaken if we want to avoid the war.

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we will regret maybe one day all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2015 14:07
    Inutile de mettre le texte en italique.



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 09-05-2015 à 12:56:55 (S | E)
    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, any progress ça sonne un peu bizarre à l'oreille. Je dirais "any kind of progress" is not necessarily good. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for humanity. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first of all il manque toujours une préposition : parler de progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this.

    To start with, I am so 'so' est mal placé. De toute façon, aucun adverbe n'est nécessaire ici. "I am going to present" suffira going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for humanity because this one looks for looks for what? Il est obligatoire d'employer un complément après "look for" by means of progress to push away the limit which is imposed on us by the à supprimer - vous parlez de la nature en général nature. The project of the underwater hotel in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks, of which one 'one' se place devant 'of which' will be submerged under more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty-one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow the à supprimer people to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where they logically have no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the humanity does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific development leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photograph which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the man and robots used in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the man. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a theory called " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in which of à supprimer Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21st century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of an pas d'article ici artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on (limit not to be overtaken) gardez le verbe 'to exceed' mais formulez la phrase ainsi : To agree on ___ing the limit if we want to avoid the war.

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we (will regret maybe) Pourquoi vous avez enlevé "to risk"? one day all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science.



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 14:14:56 (S | E)
    Après avoir essayé de me corriger je reste bloqué sur deux phrases dont je ne trouve pas la réponse. Pourriez-vous m'aider? Merci d'avance

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, any kind of progress is not necessarily good. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for humanity. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first about all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this.

    To start with, I am going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for humanity because this one looks for at to push away the limit which is imposed on us by nature. The project of the underwater hotel in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks one of which will be submerged under more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty-one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow people to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where they logically have no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the humanity does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific development leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photograph which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the man and robots used in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the man. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a theory called " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in which Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21st century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on to not exceeding the natural limit if we want to avoid the war

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we risk regretting one day all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science. Indeed as Martin Luther King says: « All the progress is precarious, and the solution of a problem confronts us with another problem. »

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2015 17:26
    Pas d'italique, merci.



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 09-05-2015 à 14:34:12 (S | E)
    Pouvez-vous me traduire "because this one looks for at to push away the limit which is imposed on us by nature"? Je ne vois pas trop ce que vous voulez dire par là.

    Pour ce qui est de l'autre phrase...
    "We have to agree on to not exceeding the natural limit if we want to avoid the war"

    On dit "to agree on doing" (et non "to agree on to doing").
    Il faut donc enlever le 'to' devant 'not'.
    A part cela, la phrase est juste



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 14:45:22 (S | E)
    because this one looks for at to push away the limit which is imposed on us by nature =
    Parce que celui-ci cherche à repousser la limite qui nous est imposée par la nature



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 09-05-2015 à 14:55:28 (S | E)
    Faites attention.
    Chercher quelque chose = To look for something
    Mais
    Chercher à faire quelque chose = To look to do something

    Et pour dire "repousser la limit", je dirais "extend the limit"

    EDIT : Je dirais "to seek to" plutôt que "to look to"

    -------------------
    Modifié par razzor le 09-05-2015 14:56



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 15:39:59 (S | E)
    Voici donc mon texte après correction:

    I am going to present you the notion « Ideas of progress ». I am thus going to define the notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement or a technical, scientific or social development which contributes to making the world a better place. For some people, any kind of progress is not necessarily good. We are thus entitled to wonder if the progress is dangerous for humanity. To approach this question, I am going to develop my opinion through three points: I am going to speak to you first about all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous, then we shall see the concern of the population in the face of dehumanization caused by the progress. To finish, we shall approach the likely consequence of this.

    To start with, I am going to present you some examples of progress which can be dangerous for humanity because this one seeks to do extend the limit which is imposed on us by nature. The project of the underwater hotel in Dubai is a concrete example: it will consist of a structure of two disks one of which will be submerged under more than ten meters deep. This hotel will contain twenty-one rooms with panoramic view, a spa, a restaurant and numerous swimming pools. So this project will allow people to observe the beauty of the sea bed, a place where they logically have no possibilities of living. This progress can appear as a danger because the humanity does not possess the self-important recoil for knowing if they do not present a danger.

    We are now going to approach the fear of certain people for whom this scientific development leads to the dehumanization of the world. Last year we studied a photograph which illustrates perfectly this concern. In this photo, we could observe a seated young woman in the face of a robot having a shape similar to that of a human being. She seems to concentrate on their game of chess. This worry of the confrontation between the man and robots used in numerous books and movies such as Terminator or I, Robots where the robotization replaces the man. These various fears are justified but they are also exaggerated by all the fictions of the television.

    We can thus imagine disastrous consequences in the future. There is even a theory called " Terrans VS. Cosmics " launched by Hugo de Garis in which Garis describes a major war which should take place before the end of the 21st century. The one will be the opposition between "Cosmists" which support the development of artificial intelligences and the "Terrans" which opposes their development the result of which will be millions of deaths. We have to agree on not exceeding the natural limit if we want to avoid the war

    In conclusion, the progress is a thing important for our well-being, but there is always a threat that this research leads the man to its loss. Personally, I think that the progress is a good thing, but that we risk regretting one day all this advance in the domains of the technology and the science. Indeed as Martin Luther King says: « All the progress is precarious, and the solution of a problem confronts us with another problem. »



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 09-05-2015 à 16:25:38 (S | E)
    Tout est OK
    sauf
    "because this one seeks to do extend"

    Pourquoi 'do'?



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 19:45:06 (S | E)
    seulement "because this one seeks to extend"



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de razzor, postée le 09-05-2015 à 21:18:07 (S | E)
    Parfait! Bonne chance pour votre oral



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 09-05-2015 à 21:30:52 (S | E)
    Un grand merci pour votre aide razzor !!!



    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de here4u, postée le 09-05-2015 à 23:42:23 (S | E)
    Hello !

    A few more mistakes :

    - all progress scientist which can be perceived as dangerous

    - because this one seeks to (do) extend the ...

    - with X panoramic view

    - the humanity does not possess the self-important?? recoil(perspective/distance) for knowing= un but => 'to know' ...

    - perfectly this concern (word order)

    - the man and robots

    - the man

    - the "Terrans" which opposes

    - the progress is a thing important word order (plusieurs autres 'the' progress très discutables au début ...)

    - we risk regretting one day => one day, we might regret...

    - the technology and the science.

    - Martin Luther King says: MLK is dead ... he must speak in the past ...

    MLK's real quote is : "All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem."

    Don't forget to go over the different articles in front of abstract nouns to check whether they are really justified... Many aren't!




    Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tom2153, postée le 10-05-2015 à 09:38:09 (S | E)
    - all scientific progress which can be perceived as dangerous

    - because this one seeks to extend the ...

    - with a panoramic view

    - man and robots

    - the Man

    - the "Terrans" which oppose

    - technology and science.

    - Martin Luther King said:"All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem."




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