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    Rédaction/ville ou campagne

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Rédaction/ville ou campagne
    Message de amandinecai posté le 28-10-2015 à 12:11:15 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,
    pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger cette redac svp rédaction s'il vous plait?
    Subject:
    It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

    The life in the countryside and in a big city includes many differences. The first often contains an ambiance quieter than the second. Indeed in a big city children can do many activities like sport, music class (cours de music), theater, museum. It’s more easier for them to follow these activities because they don’t need make a lot of road (= faire beaucoup de route). City living (=vivre en ville) is much more convenient (=beaucoup plus pratique) for parents, if their children are sick, they can bring them to the doctor faster. It’s also more pratical in everyday life (la vie quotidienne) for instance to drive children to the creche or to the school. The city gathers all that people needs (=tout ce que les gens ont besoin).
    On another side, big cities are more contaminated (=polluées). It is demonstrated pollution entrains an increase of some diseases like asthma and allergy and a decline in life expectancy (=baisse de l’esperance de vie). This contamination is usually less important far from agglomerations (loin des agglomérations).
    So in country the air is purer (=plus pur) furthermore (=de plus) it isn’t devoid (=depourvu) of activities. They ‘re just different. They ‘re often related with nature like going pick mushroom and riding a bike or a horse. Rural children have more contact with animals, they can frequent (=cotoyer), roosters, goats, gooses and cows. Consequently rural children masters more the nature than the other. They can more often eat farm produces. Theirs activities tend to be more outside, so they do more phisical activites. A priori rural chidren must be healthier than city children.
    Unlikely city children do more activities inside. Above all they tend to spend much time in front of screen watching TV and playing video game. Once again that last activity is pratical for parents moreover it can bring an educational content (contenu educatif). Yet too many hours spent in front a screen tend to stun children and the screen can not substitute sport.
    Both rural and city children need to move. They have a lot of energy to spend.
    To conclude, the main interest to elevate children in the country is a better fittness and the main interest to elevate children in the city is a better praticallity.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 28-10-2015 16:02


    Réponse: Rédaction/ville ou campagne de laure95, postée le 01-11-2015 à 11:26:50 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    - an ambiance: pas le bon mot.
    -museum: à faire précéder de GO.
    - It’s more easier: revoir formation du comparatif des adjectifs courts.
    - they don’t need make: VERBE CONJUGUE + TO + INFINITIF
    - a lot of road (= faire beaucoup de route): mal dit.
    - City living (=vivre en ville): à inverser + mettre préposition.
    -the creche: à traduire.
    - that people needs: conjugaison.
    - It is demonstrated: it was proved.
    - pollution entrains: mal dit.
    - agglomérations: utiliser le mots CITIES ou TOWNS.
    - like going pick mushroom: GO + VERBE + ING.
    -the other: à mettre au pluriel.
    - produces: ce mot est un verbe pas un nom.
    - A priori: mot_français.
    - to elevate: pas le bon mot.
    - praticallity: ?




    Réponse: Rédaction/ville ou campagne de amandinecai, postée le 02-11-2015 à 11:27:29 (S | E)
    Bonjour, merci pour votre aide, j'ai corrigé mon texte grâce à vos indications.
    Le voici:

    The life in the countryside and in a big city includes many differences. The first often contains an atmosphere quieter than the second. Indeed in a big city children can do many activities like sport, music class (cours de music), theater, go to museum. It’s more easier for them to follow these activities because they don’t need to cover a lot of distance (= faire beaucoup de route). The living city (=vivre en ville) is much more convenient (=beaucoup plus pratique) for parents, if their children are sick, they can bring them to the doctor faster. It’s also more pratical in everyday life (la vie quotidienne) for instance to drive children to the day nursery (=crèche) or to the school. The city gathers all that people need (=tout ce que les gens ont besoin).
    On another side, big cities are more contaminated (=polluées). It was proved pollution brings about (=entraine) an increase of some diseases like asthma and allergy and a decline in life expectancy (=baisse de l’esperance de vie). This contamination is usually less important far from towns (=loin des agglomérations).
    So in country the air is purer (=plus pur) furthermore (=de plus) it isn’t devoid (=depourvu) of activities. They ‘re just different. They ‘re often related with nature like to go picking mushroom and riding a bike or a horse. Rural children have more contact with animals, they can frequent (=cotoyer), roosters, goats, gooses and cows. Consequently rural children masters more the nature than the others. They can more often eat farm products. Theirs activities tend to be more outside, so they do more phisical activites. On the face of it(= a priori) rural chidren must be healthier than city children.
    Unlikely city children do more activities inside. Above all they tend to spend much time in front of screen watching TV and playing video game. Once again that last activity is pratical for parents moreover it can bring an educational content (contenu educatif). Yet too many hours spent in front a screen tend to stun children and the screen can not substitute sport.
    Both rural and city children need to move. They have a lot of energy to spend.
    To conclude, the main interest to elevate children in the country is a better fittness and the main interest to raise (=elever) children in the city is its pratical side.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2015 12:51



    Réponse: Rédaction/ville ou campagne de laure95, postée le 03-11-2015 à 12:00:29 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    - go to museum: mettre à la forme -ing.
    - It’s more easier.
    - The living city (=vivre en ville): living in a city.
    - to go picking: enlever TO + mettre GO à la forme en -ing.
    - Theirs activities: seul le 2è mot est au pluriel.
    -phisical: orthographe.
    - video game: pluriel.
    - to elevate: pas le bon mot.
    - to raise (=elever) children.




    Réponse: Rédaction/ville ou campagne de amandinecai, postée le 03-11-2015 à 13:25:00 (S | E)
    Bonjour, voici les nouvelles corrections

    The life in the countryside and in a big city includes many differences. The first often contains an atmosphere quieter than the second. Indeed in a big city children can do many activities like sport, music class (cours de music), theater, going to museum. It’s easier for them to follow these activities because they don’t need to cover a lot of distance (= faire beaucoup de route). The living in city city (=vivre en ville) is much more convenient (=beaucoup plus pratique) for parents, if their children are sick, they can bring them to the doctor faster. It’s also more pratical in everyday life (la vie quotidienne) for instance to drive children to the day nursery (=crèche) or to the school. The city gathers all that people need (=tout ce que les gens ont besoin).
    On another side, big cities are more contaminated (=polluées). It was proved pollution brings about (=entraine) an increase of some diseases like asthma and allergy and a decline in life expectancy (=baisse de l’esperance de vie). This contamination is usually less important far from towns (=loin des agglomérations).
    So in country the air is purer (=plus pur) furthermore (=de plus) it isn’t devoid (=depourvu) of activities. They ‘re just different. They ‘re often related with nature like going to pick mushroom and riding a bike or a horse. Rural children have more contact with animals, they can frequent (=cotoyer), roosters, goats, gooses and cows. Consequently rural children masters more the nature than the others. They can more often eat farm products. Their activities tend to be more outside, so they do more physical activites. On the face of it(= a priori) rural chidren must be healthier than city children.
    Unlikely city children do more activities inside. Above all they tend to spend much time in front of screen watching TV and playing video games. Once again that last activity is pratical for parents moreover it can bring an educational content (contenu educatif). Yet too many hours spent in front a screen tend to stun children and the screen can not substitute sport.
    Both rural and city children need to move. They have a lot of energy to spend.
    To conclude, the main interest to bring children up in the country is a better fittness and the main interest to raise (=elever) children in the city is its pratical side.



    Réponse: Rédaction/ville ou campagne de laure95, postée le 03-11-2015 à 14:23:50 (S | E)
    - The living in city city: inverser living et city.
    - to the school: enlever THE.
    - going to pick: mettre PICK à la forme -ing.
    - mushroom: pluriel.
    - activites: mots français.
    - pratical: orthographe.
    - to bring children up: inverser CHILDREN et UP.
    - fittness: orthographe.
    - to raise (=elever) children: pour varier tu peux utiliser TO BREED.
    - pratical
    - side: or aspect.





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